how do you deceive yourself

“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
― Jane Austen

What do you believe about yourself?   What is your real truth?   Below is a video about people who describe themselves in one way and others describe that same person in another.   How we think of ourselves matters.

How we see ourselves impacts our ability to be our best.    Our best may be exaggerated a bit, more positive or more handsome or beautiful.   We want to believe we are somewhat better than we really are because it pushes us in some way to be that person.   If we believe we are more negative than we really are we don’t believe we can do the things we could otherwise.

We deceive ourselves for a number of reasons.  If we believe in that deception does it help us live a better life?

What do you think of yourself?   Who do you think you really are?   Are you the person you want to be?   Are you the person that others see?   What is your answer?

 

the common man

“I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in one respect I’ve succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Today I have a guest who wrote the following  poem  it is written by a man who lives in Christchurch, NZ.   Let James tell you the story of the common man.   Do we really live in this type of world?

Common Man  by James Wilkes

We’re all different and we’re all the same
Life, living, loving, it’s not a game.
We have one world, one chance and if we don’t change this could be our last dance. The rich strive for more and more, the poor do with less and less….what a mess.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

We arrive and leave through the same door, it’s just some of us get so much more. How did this happen I hear you pray, we’re the same aren’t  we, that’s what I heard you say. Maybe George did have insight; some of us are more equal by birth right?  If I’m here and you’re there, surely we both breathe air. We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

You ride in a Rolls, I ride on a bike and some others I know, they just hike. As silly as it sounds we’re all going the same way; it will just take some longer than others on this day.

We all step on the planet, we all look up at the sun, it just seems that some have all the fun.  It’s not hard to share and it’s not hard to care, all we have to do is just dare.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

Creativity is key, imagination is free, we can do something about all this, just wait and see.  We learnt to fly, we went to the moon, surely we can manage to get some food on a spoon.  Black and white, yellow and brown, we’re all in it together so come on down.  Feel inside, feel around and look up, not down.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

–

 

Experience magic moments

“Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love – that makes life and nature harmonize.  The birds are consulting about their migrations, the trees are putting on the hectic or the pallid hues of decay, and begin to strew the ground, that one’s very footsteps may not disturb the repose of earth and air, while they give us a scent that is a perfect anodyne to the restless spirit. Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.” ― George Eliot

Take a moment to reflect back on something that was a magical moment for you. Perhaps it was taking the time to look at the splendor of autumn, or perhaps it was something else. Whatever it was, remember it and then remember the feeling you experienced at that moment.

Those special moments which may happen many times in a day are caused when dopamine is released into the brain.   That dopamine creates a feeling, a feeling of satisfaction, joy, happiness, pleasure, tingling, or something that just makes you feel good.   Our brain likes those small rewards and they can be small moments, perhaps the taste of a great cup of coffee or a great meal at your favorite restaurant or just getting something done for the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we are able to do something or experience something positive the brain gives us a small reward of dopamine.     Video gamer’s are constantly being given small dopamine rewards as they accomplish small victories in the game and that might be the reason games can be do addictive, lots of small rewards and that sensation can become habit-forming.

The idea is to find those things that produce those moments of joy.   Create work that can provide moments of joy.   The people who have found work that is integrated with their strengths may have many small moments of success, small dopamine moments that push them on. If you’re not experiencing moments of joy in your day then perhaps you aren’t fully living the way you want to be.

What would allow you to experience more joy in your day?

Intention

Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it’s right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.   Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine

It is what gets you from point A to point B, intention.   It is a motivating and driving force that enables you to do and to be.   Everything that you do starts with with an idea.  The idea grows in size and power until there is action.   The natural growth of that idea into an energetic force is intention.

Intention to do.   Intention to be.   Intention is like a compass pointing you in a direction.    Attention that follows intention is what starts you on that journey to reach that goal.   The intention precedes attention to the goal.

Often what is needed to transform and idea or thought into intention is a catalyst.    Words can acts as catalysts,  words like “creativity”, “kindness”, “love”, “beauty”, “abundant”,  and “receptive”.

Take each word and expand the meaning of the word in terms of being a catalyst for doing and being.

Creativity

What can you create?    What idea can you take and add to it.    How is creativity like a flower?

 

 

Kindness

What does kindness look like to you?   What acts of kindness can you do today?  What does intentional kindness look like?    What does kindness feel like?

 

Love

What is the intention of love?   What does it take to be intentional about love?  What can you do to be intentional about love today?

 

 

Beauty

Observe.   Take some time out to discover beauty around you.   Just look and notice.   The act of being intentional about noticing beauty may be eye-opening.  What are you noticing?

Abundant

What does abundant mean to you?    Does it mean available?   Does it mean large in quantity?   Does it mean high in quality?   What is abundance?   Lack of want?  What do you have abundance of?    What are you desiring to be more abundant in your life?

Receptive

Open to something new.    How are you being receptive to your thoughts?   How are you looking at your thoughts in terms of creating more abundance, more love, more beauty, more kindness and more creativity?   Intention starts with your ability to receive into your life the very things that surround you today.   Use what you have to get what you want.   Use your creativity, use your kindness, use your love, use the beauty, use your abundant ideas to live with greater intention.

Listen to what Deepak Chopra has to say about intention.   What are you doing to be more intentional about your life?

running on the hedonic treadmill

“The 7 Deadly Sins are:
Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Knowledge without character
Business without morality
Science without humanity
Worship without sacrifice
Politics without principle”  Gandhi

Everywhere people are chasing something and are finding that as hard as they chase they are unable to grab hold to this elusive thing.   You may hear in their words, “If I only __________________”, then I would be _____________.  What is that second word?

Was it happiness?   Yes, people are chasing happiness and are having a hard time grasping it.   The faster you run towards happiness the greater the distance to achieve it.    Studies have been done on those who win lotteries and those people have a six month boost in happiness before returning to the level of happiness they had before their fortunate outcome.

People who are the happiest have strong relationships, a rewarding career, supportive social networks, financial sufficiency and ability to make choices. To jump of the hedonic treadmill try improving your relationships,  working at something you enjoy, and spreading happiness around.

Relationships matter

 Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh!’ he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’ “ A.A. Milne

Positive psychology research has shown that people with good relationships are happier than those who don’t have relationships with others.

Rewarding Career

Working a career that uses your strengths and abilities leads to greater happiness.   Examine your strengths and talents and find work that leverages them.

 

 

Supportive Social networks

Happiness is contagious.  Research done by Dan Gilbert shows that happiness spreads.   If someone else is happy you’re likely to catch some of that happiness and spread it to others.  Find people who are supportive and happy and spread it around.

 

 

Other happiness indicators are:

• Financial Sufficiency – having enough money
• Democracy – sense of choice, empowered
• Religion – increased sense of fulfillment
• Praise to criticism ratio of 3 praises to 1 criticism

“In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. “Deserves” is not the point. And “owes” is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is — in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.”   Amy Bloom

inspired

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”  Leon J. Suenes

Inspire, “to be the cause of, to bring about”,  to be inspired, to bring about something new, a new idea, a new thought, a new action or a new self.    Napolean Hill wrote, “whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

Inspire, “to breathe in, to take in a new air”.    When we draw in a deep breath of air we become filled with something new and fresh.   For many people the idea of taking in a deep breathe of clean fresh air only happens if they have to move more quickly than normal.   To breathe in means to take action, to take responsibility and to live fully.   It means feeling the air rush through the body with some mad purity.   The air we breathe in wants to inspire not only the blood cells but our very thoughts.

Perhaps if we were inspired we would move out of a job that no longer satisfies.   With a bit of inspiration we could create something new, something wonderful, or something majestic.   With a powerful inspirational moment we might make a change in our life that would produce meaning and significance.

What does it take to inspire you?   A bolt of lightning?

“It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts. ” K.T. Jong

Could we be inspired by a  colorful landscape where the wind makes the leaves dance? 

Maybe it is a quiet shore, where the waves gently tap out a magic code.  

Or could it be the  rhythmic sounds of a waterfall cascading through your thoughts.

 What inspires you?

Take time out right now, take in a deep breath and slowly exhale.   Breathe in again and this time close your eyes and let your mind just go quiet, what do you see, what do you hear, what inspirational thought did you hold in  your hand?

Maybe it takes a different perspective … take a look.  Inspired?

Take a moment and see what your mind can conceive and believe.

awareness

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. “
Howard Thurman

Awareness.   When did you become aware that you weren’t happy?   When did you become aware that your job wasn’t as good as you hoped it would be?   When did you become aware that your significant relationship wasn’t going where you had desired it would go?   When did you become aware that your finances weren’t going to be enough?   When did you first become aware?

Many people aren’t aware that they want to make a change or what to change.    It isn’t as though they aren’t feeling comfortable with the way things are going, they aren’t comfortable but they aren’t aware of what they really want either.

You can be aware of pain but not aware of the source of pain and being aware allows you to look beyond the pain to the source of the pain.

There are two domains of awareness, your personal awareness or being self-aware and then external awareness which is knowing what is happening around you.    When we are aware we see things differently.  We pay more attention to the things in our environment.   We notice noises, temperature, food, music, what we touch and more.   We become more alive when we are aware.   Sometimes that awareness is also frightening.   We can also ignore what we don’t want to experience and that deadens our lives or pushes us into darkness.

Here’s a question you can answer to begin testing your awareness.

When you are at your best you are __________________________________ ?

Fill in the story.   What did you notice?  What did you feel or sense when you described your best?

Increase you awareness of the world around you by noticing the beauty that is nearby.

Write down 5 things that you see that are beautiful.

Now, write down 5 things about yourself that you appreciate.

What did you realize or learn as a result of becoming aware of you and your surroundings?

 If you can control a mans thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told and if you can make a man believe that he is justly an outcast, you don’t have to order him to the back door, he will go to the back door on his own and if there is no back door, the very nature of the man will demand that you build one.  Carter G. Woodson

find greater satisfaction in work and life

“The really happy people are those who have broken the chains of procrastination, those who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand. They’re full of eagerness, zest, productivity. You can be, too.”
Norman Vincent Peale

A new study just released shows that organizations have a tool to determine if employees are fully engaged in work and life.   The results of this study show that if organizations want to keep employees that they need to determine how restless the employees are.

If the research from Right Management somewhere near 84% of employees desire to find something different to do, a new  job, a new career.  Burnout it seems is high when there are financial stresses, increased demands, fewer people to do the work, and a less appreciative staff.   Everyone is feeling the pinch in an economy that is slow to recover.  

People who feel stuck in a job can carefully look at other opportunities and waiting for the right door to open.   Key players who feel they are putting in their all and getting little in return could bolt at the first opportunity.   The biggest factor in how an employee perceives their value is their manager or supervisor.  That relationship is critical and far too often that relationship isn’t what it should be.

Energy Leadership looks at energy as being either catabolic or anabolic.   Catabolic energy is defined as energy that negative in nature, it is the draining type of energy often found in people who are victims or are angry most of the time.   Shifting the energy towards an anabolic state would show an organization that employees are engaged and satisfied with their work.

Organizations can now through the use of the Energy Leadership Index determine how engaged their employees are.  They can find out just how engaged the management is as well.  It is far better to learn how well the organization is doing rather than waiting for a mass exodus and then asking the question, “Why did so many people leave?”.

What are your thoughts?   What are you looking for?

Darkest before the dawn

For many people the events of life pummel them with more darkness than light.    You can imagine waking up and knowing that the world that provides you with hope and opportunity is suddenly collasping in all around you.  

Nancy Brook happens to be one of those people who’s life quickly grew dark.   Her new book talks about her experience of surviving a marriage that quickly imploded as did her life.   Relying on her strength of character and a dream she moved out of despair and onto a path of hope.   Nancy fell but was able to get up and write a new chapter in her book of life.

Nancy’s new book “Cycling, Wine and Men” contains a number of lessons, transforming lessons that were able to ultimately allow Nancy to reframe life in a way that she was able to live her dreams.  

The book fits many of the themes of life coaching and leadership.  It is a story of maintaining an attitude of success in the midst of great distress.   For Nancy it was a road of discovery and reward.   How many people can and do live out their dreams?   Well this story shows that it is possible, that dreams can and do come true even when it is the darkest before the dawn.

Perhaps life has dealt you the cards you really don’t want and maybe each day is just a little bit harder than the day before.  Grab ahold of some hope in your outstretched hands, and hold on tight, believe that it is possible, believe every day that it is possible to reach your dreams.  

Believe that you can.  Take a look at the video clip …

put the smile on …

“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”   Mother Teresa

This is the time of year that people focus on giving.   Giving to those in need, giving to friends, giving to family and giving back to others in a meaningful way.   

Some people really get excited at the chance to give and others dread giving.   For the people that dread giving it is about, “Did I get the right gift?”, “Will they like it?”,  or “Will they like me for getting them the right gift?”.    At this time of year expectations are set at a higher plateau than any other time of the year.   The receiver is expecting something wonderful, the giver is hoping that whatever they are to give is going to be what the receiver wants.   For some people these expectations are too much and the season of giving becomes the season of stress.

Maybe it is those post gift conversations, “Did you really like that gift?” or “They didn’t thank me for that gift, what does that mean?”    Any of those thoughts or internal conversations point back to the source of the questions.   Why do those feelings exist?   What is behind those feelings and thoughts?

Let your gift be an expression of love and let your heart smile no matter what happens and let that smile radiate on your face.