conviction

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”
― Paulo Coelho

Conviction – a strong belief in a cause.     What are you convicted of?   What are you doing that you believe in so deeply that nothing interferes with getting the result you want.     It takes conviction to plow through difficult circumstances to achieve a noble goal.     It is a quality that not a lot of people have.     We live in  a society where things should be easy, that we should be able to obtain things easily.

What does it take to live a life with conviction?

1. Clarity on what it is you want to do.   Being crystal clear on what your purpose is, on what your goals are and how to realize those goals.   Without clarity, without focus things are blurred and confusing.    Clarity of purpose gives rise to direction.   Seeing as we are goal seeking beings and that happiness flows from achieving goals big or small means that we should focus on “being” and “doing”.

2. Competence, the ability “to do”.   Competence increases your self-esteem.  If you believe you can do it, you probably can.   It may take work and practice to develop the competence you need to get the results you want, so work on developing your skills.   What one thing can you do today to improve your skills?

3. Making it real.   What do you absolutely want to accomplish in your life?  What is stopping you?   What is holding you back from living full-out right now?  List all those reasons, yes, write them all down.   Now look at the list, is it true, is everything reason that you wrote down stopping you from living that life you want to live?

Living with conviction means that there is a way to achieve your goal even in the midst of all the stuff that happens.   It means that it is important to realize that result, whether it is a special trip, a new college degree, a new career, a better relationship or making something better in your life.   If you not convicted that life can be better for you than what will?  It’s your life not someone else’s, it is your choice and it must be your conviction to make that life real for you.

What would you do if it really mattered?

What would it take for you to be convicted to take action for a cause you believed in … you?

In this video clip you’ll learn about a person who was convicted and about another person who was convicted to make a change.   What passion, what energy, what goal can you focus on and achieve?   The one that you totally believe in and one that you are willing to make the right sacrifices to achieve.

Take a look!

confidence

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

What is confidence?   It is the ability to match expectations with actual results.   If we expect with certainty that we can do something and than aren’t able to achieve that result then feedback to self is negative.   If we can do something like tie a shoe with success we become more confident that we can be achieve a result and that positive feedback reinforces our confidence.

Confidence can be increased:

1. Mastery – practicing until you have developed a demonstrated proficiency in the area you want to improve in.

2.  Contribute to the success of others – help someone else develop their skills and in most cases your skill will increase as well.

3. Encouragement – getting positive feedback from someone who has skills in the  area you want to improve.   Using positive affirmations to help bolster your belief that you can do better are useful as well.   The children’s program Bob the Builder says,  ”Can we build it? Yes we can!” Can we ChaCha? Yes we can!

4. Imagery – imagine what the completed result will look like.   This is something that sports figures use to create a positive outcome by first doing the routine in the mind before actually doing the event.   Gymnasts walk-thru their routine mentally imagining each move being perfectly executed.

5. Transferral – transform fear into excitement.   The brain doesn’t interpret the difference between fear and excitement in terms of experience.   The fear sensation is the same as high excitement and people think they are experiencing fear when what they are feeling is excited.   A person who is about to speak before a large group says they are fearful and often it is excitement that they feel.

6. Physical management – manage the tension in your muscles and relax rather than get more tense as you are about to do something new.   Confidence comes with repeated success and with that people can relax.   Performing in big events, sports, appearing in front of large audiences can for the first time create physical sensations that decrease performance.  Practice the mental imagery of success to bring down the tension of that big performance.

Confidence is often tested in big events, like Mountain Biking downhill at high speeds.   The skill it takes to go full on and full-out on technically difficult courses requires a high degree of confidence.

Would you be willing to try a high-speed descent on two wheels?

Alignment

“Your life has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Inner purpose concerns Being and is primary. Outer purpose concerns doing and it is secondary. Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet – because it is the purpose of humanity. Your inner purpose is an essential part of the purpose of the whole, the universe and its emerging intelligence. Your outer purpose can change over time. It varies greatly from person to person. Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success. Without that alignment, you can still achieve certain things through effort, struggle, determination, and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endeavor, and it invariably ends in some form of suffering.”  Eckhart Tolle

As a coach who works a wide variety of people it is important that the client knows “who” they are.   In many cases they have an idea of who they are that has been shaped by external influences and over time their belief about “who” they are is merely a mask of their real self.    People take assessments to help define better who they are (MBTI, DISC, …) and while those assessments provide value they are often reflections of what other people have declared them to be.   Even 360 degree assessment fail to provide the truth about “who” a person really is.  

 

What happens when people don’t know “who” they are is that they fight against themselves in many cases in terms of career choice, conflicts, learning styles, and working with others.   If people knew “who” they were naturally they would experience greater career, relational, and personal success and fulfillment.   The very things people are looking for are obscured by not knowing who they are.

Jim Collins the author of “Good to Great” writes,  “You can’t manufacture passion or “motivate” people to feel passionate. You can only discover what ignites your passion and the passions of those around you.”     Research indicates that only about 28% of people in their work love what they do.    That means that 72% of the workforce is doing work they don’t really like to do.  Companies spend billions of dollars training and trying to get people to fit their roles and can’t.   When people are not in alignment with “who” they are and what they do they will attempt to mold the job to their core values and ultimately the both the employee and organization suffer.  

For organizations getting the right people in the right seat would make a huge contribution to the bottom line and increase employee satisfaction.    Imagine if you knew what your core values were so that you could find a job that aligns with your strengths and abilities.    Taylor Protocols is one such company that knows how to get the right people in the right seat.     Their “Core Value Index” reliably shows what matters most to people and when they know their core values they are able to:

1. Find out what career is a good fit.

2. Find out how to manage conflict.

3. Find out what creates conflict in their life.

4. Find out their best learning style.

5. Find out how they can make their biggest contribution.

When people are in alignment with “who” they are their level of fulfillment increases, their productivity increase and life gets better.   That is what many people want, a better life and yet they struggle with daily fighting against “who” they truly are.    The CVI is something that can be purchased and the results can be used to fashion a purpose filled life.   It is worth the few dollars to find out what really works in your life.   It is far cheaper than therapy or counseling that often takes place after one has fought against their natural values for years.

Do you know “who” you are?    Are you living with your “values” or against them?

Here’s a short clip about the value of the CVI.

 

 

triangle

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. “
Denis Waitley

“Learn from the past” …. wisdom

“detailed goals for the future” … intention

“live in the moment” … action

Use the past to learn, understand and grow.  Let the past be the soil for growth.   Use the future to dream, to  hope,  to plan and to aspire to.   Let the future be the energy for success.   Use the present to gain strength, confidence and a sure footing.   Let the present be the moment you act.

So often the past is only filled with regret and anger.   Take a few minutes and listen to the words others speak.   What are they really saying?   What are you hearing, listen closely and don’t speak, just listen.    What do you hear?   “If I”, “I could have …”, “I should have …. “, “I would have …”, those are the words of dreams that were put in a box and never allowed to live.    The words “if”, “could”, “should”, “would” leave a person powerless to change the present to live in a better future.

The future is filled with hope, with dreams and with desire.   The future is also filled with unkempt promises and commitment.    The future is a place called “tomorrow” and while it holds the dreams of every man it also holds captive the action required to make those dreams alive.

Now, this very moment,  is a time for action.   It is a place where dreams unfold and color takes the place of black and white.   It is a place where magic can happen if action is taken.   Now is a point in time where dreams unfold and become real.    The present is a time of movement, a time of choice, and a time of responsibility, it is a place where a person isn’t held captive.

What are you doing now to pursue your dreams and goals?   If you are holding on to the pain of the past you aren’t growing.   If you are tied to the  hope of the future you aren’t moving.     Only in the present can we adjust the sails of the ship.  Only in the present can we experience the wind in our face.  Only in the present can we take steps to live the life we want to live.

What are you doing right now, right now, to live the life you desire to live?   What choices are you making that will allow you to live that life you hold captive in your dreams?    What is stopping you if you aren’t taking the steps that lead you closer to living a full life?

… now is the time …

Have you ever experienced a profound sense of peace and joy that came together at the same moment.   Some would call that a state of bliss, or presence.  A moment when time stood still, the past wasn’t calling you back and the future wasn’t pulling you forward, you were in the present.

Being in the present is a time when life is filled with  purpose and feels magical.  Sometimes those moments last only a few seconds,  a few minutes and then disappear as worries about the future creep back or anger about the past drags you down.   Where are  you?

When have you experienced a magical moment where time stood still, where time didn’t press you backwards or forwards, but just stopped?

Authentic living is living between the past and the future.   It is a place where so many people want to be and somehow they have seem to have lost the ability to live between the past and the future.   Where are you living?   Are you living for the future, a place of worry,  or are you tied to the past, a life of regret and anger?  What is your answer?

to live means to ….

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Harold Whitman

One of the phrases I hear quite often is “If I”.   If I had more money my life would be better.  If I had a better job my life would be better.  ”If I”.   It’s a slow death sentence to an unlived life.

What would happen if you replaced “If I” with “When I”.   Not “if I” could do this or that, but rather “When I”.   Take control of your life.  Instead of living life as if each moment were a mystery start creating a vision statement.    Take that vision statement and translate that into a set of goals that extent out 5 to 10 years.   Write down the goals in “BIG”  letters, yes big letters.   Make it visible to you and to others.  Let them know you are going to go “BIG” and start living your life as you really want to.

Living BIG doesn’t mean living foolishly it means creating a set of plans that are achievable, doable and lead towards your vision.   It means living with constancy of purpose and having the ability to work through the hard times.  It means celebrating success along the way even if it is only a small, small step.   Moving forward is not always easy so be patient and keep pushing forward.    It is those who break through those barriers and hurdle the trials that reach their vision.

When a vision, a compelling vision is reached it doesn’t mean that it is the end.  It really is just a new beginning.  When the vision is realized a new vision, a new mission is created that will raise you to a new level of living.

How do you start living?  (If you need a clue watch the video)

1. Make a commitment to yourself that you will define your purpose.

2. Create that purpose for your life.
- Take a walk and bring with you a pad of paper.  Find a place where you can be alone and in the quiet, in the serenity of the moment think about what you really want to do and be.   Write down your thoughts and observe trends, patterns and ideas.   What is the same about them and what is unique?   Star the ones that make your heart beat a bit faster.
- Refine the list, get the key things from your list.  Put the  ”doables” in one column and put the “reach for the stars” in another and put the routine items in a third column.
- What made it into the “reach for the stars column”.?
- Choose the most compelling, most awesome, most powerful ideas and write a goal statement.

-   I am going to ________________________ in 5 years.
- Write a story that describes this ultimate dream of yours.   What does it really look like to you.   What will it take to make it real?   What new skills will you need?  What risks will you take?   What will require change?
-  Be clear about what you want.   Be crystal clear.

3. Tell others what you are going to do or change.  Make it BIG.

4. Make it real  (start doing)

5.  Give of yourself to others.

When you create your “Start Living Plan” you may notice that you pull back from it believing it isn’t possible or it is foolish to believe in such great things.   Work towards the goal, even if it is only for 15 minutes a day.  Take a few minutes each day and work on the goal.   Turn off the distractions, the TV or whatever pushes you away from the pursuit of the dream.   If you want the dream to be realized sooner put more effort into it.

If you aren’t sure which way to go, enlist a coach to work with you.   A coach can hold you accountable and keep those commitments in the forefront of your mind.  Fighting the battle alone is one of the reasons so many people give up on their dreams before they start.   Be one of the ones that makes your dream come real.

“All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose.”  Brian Tracy

awareness

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. “
Howard Thurman

Awareness.   When did you become aware that you weren’t happy?   When did you become aware that your job wasn’t as good as you hoped it would be?   When did you become aware that your significant relationship wasn’t going where you had desired it would go?   When did you become aware that your finances weren’t going to be enough?   When did you first become aware?

Many people aren’t aware that they want to make a change or what to change.    It isn’t as though they aren’t feeling comfortable with the way things are going, they aren’t comfortable but they aren’t aware of what they really want either.

You can be aware of pain but not aware of the source of pain and being aware allows you to look beyond the pain to the source of the pain.

There are two domains of awareness, your personal awareness or being self-aware and then external awareness which is knowing what is happening around you.    When we are aware we see things differently.  We pay more attention to the things in our environment.   We notice noises, temperature, food, music, what we touch and more.   We become more alive when we are aware.   Sometimes that awareness is also frightening.   We can also ignore what we don’t want to experience and that deadens our lives or pushes us into darkness.

Here’s a question you can answer to begin testing your awareness.

When you are at your best you are __________________________________ ?

Fill in the story.   What did you notice?  What did you feel or sense when you described your best?

Increase you awareness of the world around you by noticing the beauty that is nearby.

Write down 5 things that you see that are beautiful.

Now, write down 5 things about yourself that you appreciate.

What did you realize or learn as a result of becoming aware of you and your surroundings?

 If you can control a mans thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told and if you can make a man believe that he is justly an outcast, you don’t have to order him to the back door, he will go to the back door on his own and if there is no back door, the very nature of the man will demand that you build one.  Carter G. Woodson

living authentically?

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”   M. Scott Peck

Live in your authentic self.

What does it mean to live your life authentically?   What would it take to live the life you were designed to live?

Authentic:  Not false – genuine.  Not a copy, an original.

Being authentic should mean being the person that you were truly meant to be, not a copy, not being false, but being genuine in all ways.   People who are able to be authentic (true with themselves and others) can live a happier life.   

One a scale of 1 – 10 (1 = Never, 10 = Always)

1. I am able to be authentic with myself.

2. I am able to be authentic at work.

3. I am able to be authentic at home.

4. I am able to be authentic in my relationships.

5. I am able to be authentic with my finances.

6. I am able to be authentic with my friends.

7. I am able to be authentic with my spirituality.

8. I am able to be authentic with my health.

9. I am able to be authentic with my personal growth.

10.  I am able to be authentic with those I don’t know well.

What what was your score?

A score about 80 would indicate a high level of authenticity.

A score of 60 – 79 would indicate pockets of inauthentic living.

A score below 60 may indicate that you are having difficulty being honest with yourself.

What would you like your life to be like?   What would it take to live an authentic life?

If you don’t know the answers to how you are living an authentic life, create a score card.

The authenticity meter (fill out the chart for a week and see where you think you are):

 

 After a week of writing down your scores in each of those areas, what did you notice?    Do you scores stay the same or are they changing?   What would cause the score to change?

What are you realizing about yourself?

What would you like to change?

Change begins when you understand what it is that needs changing.   Measuring yourself honestly is one way to gage what you desire to change and perhaps seeing yourself in the light you truly are will help you make the lasting changes you desire to make.

“Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, ‘This is the real me,’ and when you have found that attitude, follow it. “
William James

the new leader

“If your actions inspire others to dream more,
learn more, do more and become more,
you are a leader.”    John Quincy Adams

What is a leader?   What is your definition of a leader?  

It seems that there is no one definition that defines what a leader really is that used by everyone.   There are thousands of definitions of a leader.   Some people say a leader is a person of “integrity”.   What does that really mean to you?

A leader has a number of characteristics that define a leader yet within the spectrum of leadership qualities is no one definition that accurately and consistently defines a leader.   Jim Collins the author of “Good to Great” has a definition of a leader and spells out those qualities in his book “Built to Last” lists a number of qualities that make a great leader.  

John Maxwell, America’s authority on leadership speaks of leadership as being “Influence”.   And is influence the hallmark of a great leader?

In this chart are a number of qualities that could be used to define a leader.   If you were to rate a leader on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 = Low need and 10 = high need, how would you rate a great leader?   How would you rate yourself?   What characteristics are critical for a leader to really have?

Most leaders would see themself as being strong in a few elements or even most of the elements.   Is there  a specific combination, or score that makes the leader great?

Even if someone were to score all 10′s on every attribute, that score is a reflection of the scorer’s values not necessarily the score of the leader being evaluated.   A leadership score is a relative score, but relative to what?   That is part of the problem.   Leadership is not defined by some standard that people are measured against, but rather the opinion of others.   It is the person’s own personal definitions of honesty, integrity, compassion or leadership that define a leader.

What makes a great leader in your mind?   How would you score the leader you most admire?  What score would they get?

Joanne Ciulla proposes this definition, “It is a complex moral relationship between people, based on trust, obligation, commitment, emotion, and a shared vision of the good.”

 

coaching for me?

“What makes a good coach? Complete dedication. “   George Halas

What is “life coaching?”    Really, “what is it?”

A lot of people wonder what “life coaching” is and all about.   It seems that “life coaching” or “coaching” outside of sports is growing in interest quickly.

What is “life coaching”?   Let’s first look at what coaching is and isn’t.  Coaching is a process that works with people who want to advance in some aspect of their life.   With all the pressures people face today coaching is becoming a great path to find ways to work in our complex world.   Coaching is not therapy or counseling or mentoring or advising.   In other  words a coach supports the goals and wisdom of the client and through the use of various tools a coach works with the client to realize their goals.

Who is coaching for?   Coaching is for anyone who desires to do better in some aspect of their life.   People who obtain the services of a coach are motivated to change and if they aren’t then coaching isn’t the best thing for them.   Coaching is for people who want to perform better, much better in life, in personal development, relationships, finance, spirituality, and more.   

In the past coaching was reserved for those in top executive positions or for athletes who wanted to hone their skills to a higher level.   In other words  the superstars of society were out getting coaching and improving their results and in large ways.    Now with coaching being regarded as a way to increase performance of not just the top executives and athletes, but of anyone who desires to make a positive difference in their life.

Most people realize that we are in the midst of a huge economic upheaval and society has been battered by huge winds of change.   Globalization allows companies to hire people from anywhere on the planet and in many cases for a lot less than they had to pay for American workers.    Job markets that were once secure on American soil have moved, and manufacturing has moved to countries were labor is much cheaper.    Now we live in a 24×7 world where technology changes faster and faster, jobs become obsolete faster and faster and the pressures of life increasingly add  more tension, anxiety and fear to an exhausted country.     Time rushes by and it leaves people feeling empty at the end of the day.

The compound effect of change is something people need to deal now more than ever, the pace of change is continually creeping higher and higher.   People need a way to manage change, set new goals and find out what will work for them so they can participate effectively in life.   Coaching is a great way of allowing people to manage change efficiently and to see new possibilities for their future.  

Coaching doesn’t take a long time, has proven results and is very affordable.  Most of the coaching process will be completed in 12 sessions.  That means that in 3 months people learn the skills that can shift their personal life to new levels of  success.    For some coaching is done for longer periods of time because they desire and welcome the accountability, the non-judgmental environment and that they can be challenged to reach higher levels of success for themselves.

What do you look for in a coach?   If you are serious about seeking out a coach find out if the coach has been trained.     Coaching is a profession and the vast majority or people should have some formal coaching education before stating they are a “coach”.   Coaches, serious coaches, all have coaches or multiple coaches so that they can push their own boundaries and limits.    Some coaches meet with their coach daily, even if it is just for 15 minutes, just because coaching is that powerful and useful.  That is why the best of the best use coaches to improve their results.

People who want to become a coach should find out if coaching is what they really want to do and then if that is what would fit them best they should find a top-notch coaching school and enroll in the program.    Find out more about coaching at International Coaching Federation, the body of coaching standards.

Want more information?   What to ask some questions in private?   Send me an email at coachwithheart@gmail.com and I’d be glad to answer your questions about coaching.   Typically a coaching program lasts about 12 weeks.  Some people just want a month or so of coaching just to solve an immediate issue and that works as well.

Coaching is great way to find ways to manage stress, anger, disappointment, achieve new goals, find a better career, work on relationships and of course it is great for businesses who want increase results.   Coaching works, find out for yourself.

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”   Maureen Dowd