live out your dream

“Some ideas are not born of logic and good sense. They are made of clouds and cobwebs. They sprout from nowhere and feed on excitement, sprinkled with adventure juice and the sweet flavor of the forbidden. The psyche moves from the realms of the ordinary and takes a delicate step towards the unknown. We know we shouldn’t and that is exactly why we do.”
― Brigid Lowry

What are your dreams?   No, not the things you dream at night, but your dreams, desires and longings?   What do you really want to accomplish in your life?

What actions have you taken to get your dream off of the ground?

If you’re like most people you haven’t taken your dreams seriously.   You might be thinking dreams are for those other people, those people who have the time, the money, the …., the something you don’t have.

Your life has the greatest meaning, the greatest potential when you put into energy and heart into living out one of your dreams.   Think about it, what makes you come alive most?   Is it the work you are doing now?  Is it?

Take a step towards living that dream.  Maybe it’s making a small change in your life.  Maybe it’s taking a vacation that you’ve been thinking about for years.   Maybe it’s time right now to start doing rather than dreaming about your dream.

Explore the dream … see what a dream can look like for you.

Look at Josh’s idea of a dream.

i want it now …

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
Helen Keller

Best Milkshakes on the East Coast … it’s true!
We live in a society where withholding gratification is no longer seen as something worth doing.   Instead we chip away at our ability to withstand challenge by succumbing to the idea that we should be happy and free of stress all of the time.

You can see self-gratification play out on our roads where people decide that passing on the shoulder is acceptable.   We live in a time where our video game mentality is played out in real life.   We strive to get more and more dopamine (the feel good hormone) released into our brain.

Let’s say you want something, something nice, how long will you wait until you have it?   For most people the anticipation of waiting creates a strong desire to have it now.   It might be that we are driven by primitive urges to satisfy our cravings quickly before the opportunity has been lost.   We are still thinking that we are going to be chased by a large cat and if we don’t take care of our urges now we won’t be able to ever.   How true is that?

Sale, 50% off, today only!   It’s cool, it’s hot, and you have to have it NOW!   These are tricks that your brain plays on you to get you to do things that you don’t really need to do.    The promise of a reward is powerfully alluring and marketers know precisely which buttons to push to get you to act on desire rather than need.    The message is if you have this thing today you’ll be happier, you’ll be satisfied,  and you’ll gratified.

Test yourself and see what your resistance is to waiting for something you desire.    What are the tricks being used to cause you to make a decision to trigger a release of dopamine?

Black Friday, shopping early and even earlier is a big rush for many people, the thrill is in the purchase and ultimately a dopamine rush.     If our tasks and our work doesn’t fill us with dopamine we wait, we wait and wait and wait until we don’t have a choice and then it gets done.

What are your “feel good” things you do?    What do you notice about them?  What is your level of resistance to withhold self-gratification?

To learn more about the brain and the production of dopamine look at this video.

conviction

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”
― Paulo Coelho

Conviction – a strong belief in a cause.     What are you convicted of?   What are you doing that you believe in so deeply that nothing interferes with getting the result you want.     It takes conviction to plow through difficult circumstances to achieve a noble goal.     It is a quality that not a lot of people have.     We live in  a society where things should be easy, that we should be able to obtain things easily.

What does it take to live a life with conviction?

1. Clarity on what it is you want to do.   Being crystal clear on what your purpose is, on what your goals are and how to realize those goals.   Without clarity, without focus things are blurred and confusing.    Clarity of purpose gives rise to direction.   Seeing as we are goal seeking beings and that happiness flows from achieving goals big or small means that we should focus on “being” and “doing”.

2. Competence, the ability “to do”.   Competence increases your self-esteem.  If you believe you can do it, you probably can.   It may take work and practice to develop the competence you need to get the results you want, so work on developing your skills.   What one thing can you do today to improve your skills?

3. Making it real.   What do you absolutely want to accomplish in your life?  What is stopping you?   What is holding you back from living full-out right now?  List all those reasons, yes, write them all down.   Now look at the list, is it true, is everything reason that you wrote down stopping you from living that life you want to live?

Living with conviction means that there is a way to achieve your goal even in the midst of all the stuff that happens.   It means that it is important to realize that result, whether it is a special trip, a new college degree, a new career, a better relationship or making something better in your life.   If you not convicted that life can be better for you than what will?  It’s your life not someone else’s, it is your choice and it must be your conviction to make that life real for you.

What would you do if it really mattered?

What would it take for you to be convicted to take action for a cause you believed in … you?

In this video clip you’ll learn about a person who was convicted and about another person who was convicted to make a change.   What passion, what energy, what goal can you focus on and achieve?   The one that you totally believe in and one that you are willing to make the right sacrifices to achieve.

Take a look!

why coaching matters …

“The sort of coaching that fosters effective innovation and judgment, not merely the replication of technique, may not be so easy to cultivate. Yet modern society increasingly depends on ordinary people taking responsibility for doing extraordinary things: operating inside people’s bodies, teaching eighth graders algebraic concepts that Euclid would have struggled with, building a highway through a mountain, constructing a wireless computer network across a state, running a factory, reducing a city’s crime rate. In the absence of guidance, how many people can do such complex tasks at the level we require? With a diploma, a few will achieve sustained mastery; with a good coach, many could. We treat guidance for professionals as a luxury—you can guess what gets cut first when school-district budgets are slashed. But coaching may prove essential to the success of modern society.

There was a moment in sports when employing a coach was unimaginable—and then came a time when not doing so was unimaginable. We care about results in sports, and if we care half as much about results in schools and in hospitals we may reach the same conclusion. Local health systems may need to go the way of the Albemarle school district. We could create coaching programs not only for surgeons but for other doctors, too—internists aiming to sharpen their diagnostic skills, cardiologists aiming to improve their heart-attack outcomes, and all of us who have to figure out ways to use our resources more efficiently. In the past year, I’ve thought nothing of asking my hospital to spend some hundred thousand dollars to upgrade the surgical equipment I use, in the vague hope of giving me finer precision and reducing complications. Avoiding just one major complication saves, on average, fourteen thousand dollars in medical costs—not to mention harm to a human being. So it seems worth it. But the three or four hours I’ve spent with Osteen each month have almost certainly added more to my capabilities than any of this.”  by Atul Gawande  Read more

The above paragraphs are from a much longer article in the “New Yorker” magazine in which a surgeon describes the benefits of having a coach.    Like athletes or anyone who desires to rise to a level of personal or professional performance that they have not obtained before coaching is the way to do it.  Coaching provides an objective, non-judgmental framework,  a new perspective and view of the world the client lives and works in.

Rarely do we ask, “How can I get better at _________?”   Many people just drift through life hoping that something will change their life for the better.  It is living life passively that holds people back from the success they desire.   When someone takes an active and participative role their life changes for the better more often than not.   When a person decides that they can’t make changes alone and they would do better with some assistance, it is then that they can make superb progress in all areas of their life.

We are living our lives at a new speed, a speed that has increased dramatically over the past 10-15 years.    In this faster world we live in using the methods of the past to cope with change just isn’t enough anymore.    The speed of technology and innovation is pushing people their limits and most people are relying on the habits of the past to cope and it just isn’t working any longer.

Coaching may be the most effective method of managing the speed of change and preparing yourself for a better future.   Why wait until it is an emergency to make the changes you know you want to make.   Get a coach today, start raising your level of performance now so that you can create the future you desire.

What do you think?  What does coaching offer and it is the way to gain a competitive edge for the future?

triangle

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. “
Denis Waitley

“Learn from the past” …. wisdom

“detailed goals for the future” … intention

“live in the moment” … action

Use the past to learn, understand and grow.  Let the past be the soil for growth.   Use the future to dream, to  hope,  to plan and to aspire to.   Let the future be the energy for success.   Use the present to gain strength, confidence and a sure footing.   Let the present be the moment you act.

So often the past is only filled with regret and anger.   Take a few minutes and listen to the words others speak.   What are they really saying?   What are you hearing, listen closely and don’t speak, just listen.    What do you hear?   “If I”, “I could have …”, “I should have …. “, “I would have …”, those are the words of dreams that were put in a box and never allowed to live.    The words “if”, “could”, “should”, “would” leave a person powerless to change the present to live in a better future.

The future is filled with hope, with dreams and with desire.   The future is also filled with unkempt promises and commitment.    The future is a place called “tomorrow” and while it holds the dreams of every man it also holds captive the action required to make those dreams alive.

Now, this very moment,  is a time for action.   It is a place where dreams unfold and color takes the place of black and white.   It is a place where magic can happen if action is taken.   Now is a point in time where dreams unfold and become real.    The present is a time of movement, a time of choice, and a time of responsibility, it is a place where a person isn’t held captive.

What are you doing now to pursue your dreams and goals?   If you are holding on to the pain of the past you aren’t growing.   If you are tied to the  hope of the future you aren’t moving.     Only in the present can we adjust the sails of the ship.  Only in the present can we experience the wind in our face.  Only in the present can we take steps to live the life we want to live.

What are you doing right now, right now, to live the life you desire to live?   What choices are you making that will allow you to live that life you hold captive in your dreams?    What is stopping you if you aren’t taking the steps that lead you closer to living a full life?

resilience …

“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot… and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s precisely why I succeed.”  Michael Jordan

Top performers have learned something that many potential top performers haven’t learned yet.   They know how to bounce back from disappointment, loss and great challenges.

Resilience is the propensity to bounce back from a fall.    As a ball contacts a surface it compresses and that stored energy rebounds and causes the ball to bounce back.    When we fail or make a mistake we also need to find a way to bounce back.    Resilience is the story of winners not whiners.   Winners find a way to come back and finish strong.

Those who have found a way to bounce back.   When Jack Canfield got rejected time and time again before getting his “Chicken soup for the soul” published he could have let the first rejection stop but he didn’t he kept pressing ahead not after 1 or 2 or after 50 but closer to 100 rejections before a publisher printed his book.

Fred Smith could have turned thrown his dream into the wastepaper basket after his professor gave him a “C”on his idea for Federal Express.   SouthWest Airlines could have folded before it started if it weren’t for the resilience of Herb Kelleher.

Winners find a way to bounce back and achieve their goals.   When they do they have success stories that can be told and used in case studies about business success.   When Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with cancer he didn’t let the cancer define him, he used it as a stepping stone for greater success.   He bounced back.

How are you at bouncing back?    Do you feel like a setback is a reason to quit?   Do you feel like you aren’t good enough and you’re not the right person to take up the challenge?

People who are resilient take charge of their life rather than letting the circumstance take charge of their life.    If you are having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, or a bad year, step back and assess your situation.  Are you taking charge or are you letting the circumstance dictate your next step?

If you’re ready to make a change and become resilient and you don’t know how … contact a coach, work with someone and become a resilient person.

Now I begin

“So many fail because they don’t get started — they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.”   W. Clement Stone

What are your top 10 excuses?   Yes, those pesky things that explain away all the reasons why something could have been done.

1. It was too hard.

2. It wasn’t the right time.

3. I was feeling well enough.

4. I overslept.   (the alarm didn’t go off)

5. I couldn’t find the keys to the car

6. There was too much traffic

The list is much longer than that.

What is your list of favorite excuses?  What is the excuse you’ve heard?

Why do excuses matter in the first place?   What reason do excuses serve?

“Nunc coepi” or “Now I begin”  suggests a life that isn’t littered with excuses.   Nunc coepi suggests a life where you take 100% responsibility for everything in your life.   It starts with an attitude that I am responsible and not circumstances or any other reason why you couldn’t.

Everyday is a new day to start over and start with a fresh outlook on life.   Who will be in charge today, the excuse or the powerful you?    If the alarm didn’t go off admit that you didn’t set it properly.   For almost every reason what something “can’t” happen there is a reason that it could happen.

Identify the critical things in your life.  What is being left up to chance?   Does the alarm clock have a battery in case the power goes off?   Is the battery charged?   There are simple things to do in most cases to avoid having simple things cause big problems.

Jeff Olson the author of “The Slight Edge” says the secret to success begins with your philosophy.     It doesn’t take a lot, it just takes a little each day to reshape the results you are getting.   It takes practice to get better.

“Nunc coepi”,  Now I begin.    Begin to take charge of your world.   Keep the little excuses from becoming big excuses.    Take small steps to increase your success in life and begin today.

What will you start doing:

1. Will you start eating a healthy diet?

2. Will you start exercising?

3. Will you start balancing your life so that you have the time to do the things that hold the most value?

4. Will you start improving yourself?

5. Will you start saving money?

6. Will you start restoring and improving relationships?

7. Will you start being more of who you are?

What will you start today?   When will you begin?

“Nunc coepi” … what is your “Nunc coepi”?

“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’  Anais Nin

activate … your life

“The way to activate the seeds of your creation is by making choices about the results you want to create. When you make a choice, you activate vast human energies and resources, which otherwise go untapped.” The way to activate the seeds of your creation is by making choices about the results you want to create. When you make a choice, you activate vast human energies and resources, which otherwise go untapped.” Robert Fritz

Change happens, sometimes it is forced change and at other times it is a change by choice.  In either case in order to make the change last there is a certain amount of physical and emotional energy that has to be invested in that change.  The amount of energy that it takes to create lasting change is known as “activation energy”.   That is the amount of psychological and physical energy that has to be developed by you to make a real change possible.

Imagine what it is like for someone with little confidence and low self-esteem to have the kind of energy that will permit change to occur.    They may have thoughts of changing and they’ll tell their friends someday I am going to lose some weight or quit smoking or do something that is life altering and that is the same story you’ve heard year after year.  Those are just thoughts of change there is no commitment to change.     Some people live in land of “should”, “could” and “would” which mean a life of perpetual disappointment.   “I should do something but ….. “, they would say.  Or, “If I had _______________  I would be able to _______________”, would roll off their tongue for the thousandth time.   There is no energy  or commitment to make the change.

People are desperate for something different.

Thomas Mann wrote, “There is at bottom, only one problem in the world and this is its name.
How does one break through?
How does one get into the open?
How does one burst the cocoon and become a butterfly?”

Our brains see change the same way it sees fear and it reacts with the same powerful force as it does when there is something is threatening you.   You’re not going to think about running if there is a bear right behind you, you’re going to run (bears can run 30 mph so it doesn’t make sense to run, but we’ll use it for now).   Now think about the amount of energy it takes for you to get up and run full speed, it takes a lot.   It takes that kind of effort to make personal change as well.     Instead of making a change the brain says “No, you don’t need to do that” and of course that is what you do, you don’t do it, you do something else that is less threatening.     It takes a serious shock to raise the level of energy up to the activation energy level for change to occur and the brain just isn’t going to let that happen because you can think about it.

Think about any change effort you have made, what did it take?   How did you sustain the effort?

To make change happen you have to be committed to making the change, you have to override the brains message to you to “give up”, to “go back”, to “do something else”.   You have to have what is called “passion” to change.

If you know you should change, do you have the passion to make that change work?

“Change is avalanching upon our  heads and most people are  grotesquely unprepared to cope with it.”  Alvin Toffler “Future Shock”

your story … what do you want it to be?

“Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don’t want to believe that. But if you’re over age twenty-one, your life is what you’re making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities. “
John C. Maxwell

Maybe you have met this person.   This person is the person who is constantly reminding you of how bad things are and how broken the world is and it is only getting worse.   There are wars, this is crime, there is unemployment, there are only bad people, the taxes are too high, the only jobs are minimum wage jobs, you can’t have fun anymore, there are too many rules, the cat got run over yesterday and on and on it goes.   In a few minutes all the energy you had is sucked right out of you and the world does look a whole lot worse.

The “victim” sees the world and the people in it as some great failure rather than a great success.   A victim wants their words to create your world.    Some people by into their story and start adding more to that victim story.   When was the last time you said, “enough already”, your story is never going to make things better, your story is only about inaction rather than action.   Taking action is the only way to change the story.

Taking action is the only way the dirty streets can become clean again.  Taking action is the only way to make the stalled economy take off again.  If the world is broken the only way it can be fixed is if people take action.

Taking positive action

To shift from victim thinking to “owner” thinking is to start with a series of questions.   Explore each question and write out the answer in as much detail as you can.

What do I really want?

Define and create a crystal clear picture of where you want to be in a few years (5 years works as a good horizon goal).  Describe in detail what you want for yourself.   What will it look like when you get there?

What do you want your life experience to be?   Define it!

What do you want to experience when you reach the goal?  This is a description of what you will feel like when you reach the goal.  It might be daily excitement, satisfaction, joy, comfort with a definite pull towards something bigger, an internal smile that spills out on your face.
What am I missing or avoiding in my life?

Understand what is missing today and put that  into your definition as part of your future goals.  Make sure you aren’t avoiding or holding back from something.    It might be that you are avoiding change because where you are right now in your head is a safe place to be.    The reality is your reality is in your head and nowhere else.  Change is what will set you free so understand what you are avoiding if you aren’t making the changes that will make your life better.

What questions should I ask myself?

I normally ask people questions, that is what I do.    Eventually my clients start asking those questions before I do.   What questions are going to move you forward?   There is a question right on the tip of your tongue right now and you want to ask it, so ask it.
What can I do?

At this point  you recognize there is a reason to make a change.  It might be a whole host of things that aren’t working for you right now and you’d like one more chance to change it and today is that day.    The first thing you is make a commitment to you for change.   Want a better job  then change.  What a better relationship then change.  What more money, then change.   Want more happiness then change.   It is your choice to make the changes you that lead in the direction you want to go.  No  one is forcing you to feel the way you do.
Where are my thoughts right now?

You got to this question and you’re wondering if you can really do more and have more.   You’re doubting yourself and thinking, it can’t be for me.   Life isn’t like winning the lottery.  Life isn’t a matter of chance it is a matter of choice.   What choice do you want to make for you?   Write it down.

What action steps can I take ?  

Write down what you want to do.  Write down in great detail where you want to be in 3-5 years.   Then think about what it would take to get there.   If you are like most people you’ll write it down and think about it for a couple of days and drift right back into the place you don’t want to be.   It takes a certain fortitude to make change happen.   It takes discipline.   We unfortunately live in a society where everything comes to us in a box in a couple minutes or less.   We live in a nation of convenience and instant gratification.   If we want entertainment we flip on the TV and select from over 100 possible choices.   If we want some food in a few minutes there is a fast food joint just around the corner.   We don’t even have to get up out of our seat for most things anymore.   A remote will handle the TV and a driver will bring the food right to the front door.

Change takes time and it takes work.   It takes  a willingness to believe that something is greater for us out there if we want it.   Do you “want it”?  If you don’t someone else does.

Now, what are you going to do?

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”  Carl Rogers

asking for help .. a sign of weakness?

“Whenever I have knocked, a door has opened. Whenever I have wandered, a path has appeared. I have been helped, supported, encouraged and nurtured by people of all races, creeds, colors and dreams. “ Alice Walker

We live in a society that revere’s independence and strength, a society that says “I can do it” and we believe it to be true.   Asking for help then is admitting you don’t have what it takes to get it done.   It is that idea of rugged independence that holds so many people back from asking, “can you help me?”.

Asking for help has been or is a sign of weakness for far too many people.   As a result not asking for help has left people stuck for long periods of time.   “I am not going to ask for help because I can do it.”, says many a man.   Asking for help is often the right thing to do.  It accelerates the desired result.   It frees you up to do other things, more important things.

What is it costing you not to ask for help?   For many people life is just way to short as it is and to achieve the very things they desire most (pride isn’t going to get in the way) asking for help to get there is one of the first things they do.  They realize that the cost of a mentor, coach, guide or teacher is far less than the cost of missing opportunities for creating the life they want to live.

We do the same thing with retirement.  Some people start saving  in their 20′s and by the time they are 62 they can have a large saving account in place due to the fact that their money is gaining interest each year.   There are those who wait until later and have to pay over twice as much to reach the same goal.   The truth is that if you start early (ask for help now) you’ll get much further much quicker than waiting.

Why is it that people wait until it is unbearable before they decide to make the changes they want?   It might be the belief that something will happen that will allow them to get the result they want sooner and that rarely happens.   For example think about the person who is lost and won’t stop to ask for help.   Their appointment is now just five minutes away and they not even close to the destination.   Maybe the next street will be the right place they think, and it isn’t and now they are just getting frustrated and more frustrated.   It would have taken far less time to ask for help and arrived at the destination early.

What is it that you want to do?   What are you waiting for?

If you don’t know how to get where you want to go then ask for help?   Not sure what you want to do then ask for help?   Each day you wait is a day you can’t get back.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength.   Why wait another moment, start getting more out of your life today.

 

“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.”  Victor Kiam