“When the thunder rumbles,
Now the age of gold is dead.
When the dreams we’ve clung to
Trying to stay young,
Have left us parched and old instead.
When my courage crumbles,
When I feel confused and frail,
When my spirit falters on decaying altars
And my illusions fail –
I go on right then.
I go on again.
I go on to say I will celebrate another day.
I go on.
If tomorrow tumbles
And everything I love is gone,
I will face regret all my days, and yet
I will still go on.”Leonard Bernstein
Determination – facing the odds and not quitting in times of difficulty. It takes determination to do anything of value in your life. Remember back to a time when you were determined to do something, how did feel to accomplish that goal?
For some people it means pursuing a college education, it means having the resolve to face the challenges and push through even in difficult times. For some people is going after a vocation that they believe in. For some people it is climbing a mountain. Whatever the goal it takes determination to reach the objective. Rock climbers climb with determination to reach their goal, going beyond what most people would imagine possible.
In 1914 Earnest Shackleton set sail for Antarctica with the goal of crossing the continent. Before Shackleton and crew could set foot on land their ship Endurance was captured in ice which quickly surround the vessel. Months later the crew abandoned the ship as the ship became overwhelmed with the pressure of the ice. The crew survived the harsh winter on Elephant island. Shackleton was determined to get his crew rescued and set out in a small boat with a few others and made a long trip to South George island.
When have you been challenged beyond what you thought was possible? What kept you going?
“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.” James Thurber
It fits neatly between the past and the future. It is the space between the not yet and history, it is what we call “Now” and it is a very precious moment. Now is always moving in some direction for some people it is forward and for others it is a link to the past.
Some people move from “Now” into the past, a past filled regrets, anger, and disappointment. They are so comfortable in the past that they can’t move out of it, they are friends with yesterday. For those who are stuck in the past we are likely to call them victims. For the victim life is about “getting” comfort from others and it is a way to survive and receive empathy. While there is a benefit from living in the past as a victim it isn’t a place of strength and vitality. Living a life in the past is more like living in a cage, safety being on the inside but there is no freedom in living in the past.
There are some people who live in the future, a future that is filled with dreams of what can be or a future that is filled with anxiety and fear. Living in fear (panic attacks, high anxiety) diminishes the quality of life. People living alone without a strong support structure can project themselves into an uncertain future and increase the chances of having panic attacks.
The past or the future is not the place to cultivate happiness. Happiness occurs in the “now”. While we can have fond memories of the past that brings to us feelings of joy, these feelings often only pull us back into a place of “life was better then …”. Now is the time and place for happiness and because it happens in the moment it often feels elusive. As soon as you think about your happiness you are shifting your state of consciousness to a different time perspective. Happiness in the moment is something that is and it takes no thought.
Now is the place where creation unfolds. Now is the place the memories bloom. Now is the place that dreams are fashioned. Many people refer to “now” as being present, not being in the past or in the future but being right in the moment, fully alive and fully energized.
Where do you find yourself, in the present, in the past or in the future?
In this video the Dalai Lama talks about how our emotions are the source of our problems, and it is our emotions that impact our ability to be happy, to be present, to be in the “now”. What do you think?
“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” James Thurber
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Frank Herbert, Dune
What would you be doing right now if fear didn’t have its way with you? That is right, fear is stopping you from living fully. It is holding you back. It is making you nervous and it is changing the rhythm of your self-talk. What is it saying right now? Is it saying “I can do anything I want to” or is it saying “I would do if it if I wanted to” or is it saying “I could do it but I don’t feel like it.” What messages are you listening to, what is the talk of your unconscious mind saying right now? It may not be saying anything, it may just be a feeling, a nervous feeling, a queasy feeling, an uncertain feeling, a feeling that says back away or a feeling that says quit now. What is it you are feeling right now? How does the word fear feel right now?
Some people fear changing a job that they absolutely know isn’t working for them. They keep the job just to have a job and in today’s uncertain economy that is holding back people from doing what they love to do.
Fear rips through someone who finds out that they have a severe illness. What is next? What will happen to me? The mind fixates on the worst outcome possible rather than focusing on what the best outcome could be.
What are you fearful about?
Write down those things now.
I am fearful about __________________________________________
I am fearful about __________________________________________
I am fearful about __________________________________________
Now that you have the idea, write down the things that you are fearful about. Identify those fears.
What is a fear? What is the rational thought behind the fear?
Examine the fear and look at it from 360 degrees. Look all around the fear and write down what is true about the fear. What is really true, not what you think is true.
Let’s say you are looking for a new job. You’ve written your resume and sent it out to over 200 organizations and not one has written or called you for an interview. Maybe you are thinking you are not good enough to be hired. You feel rejected and then you feel that without a job then you won’t be able to provide for yourself. The fear is that you aren’t good enough. If you aren’t good enough then what. What does the future hold for you if you aren’t good enough?
The fear you are not good enough is just a thought you made up, where is the truth in that statement “you’re not good enough?”.
Take one step out of fear by creating a positive frame of mind. To create a positive frame of mind think positive. Tame the voice of fear and replace it with the voice of creation.
“I am creating my future.”
“I am living fully today.”
“I am enjoying the moment.”
“I am good enough.”
Replace the old thoughts with new ones. Practice, practice and practice focusing on what you want as an outcome and move forward each day.
In this video Dr. Michael Duckett talks about overcoming fear. Coaching also works to move people beyond limiting beliefs, assumptions and interpretations.
Take the next step to conquer fear in your life. Focus on what you can do right now, right now and solve the problems rather than trying to figure out what will happen in the future.
“Be brave enough to live creatively…. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you will discover will be wonderful. What you will discover will be yourself. “
Alan Alda
It was a moment in time when people’s hearts started beating differently. It was a moment in time when your world shifted.
It might have been a moment when it crystallized in your thoughts how fragile life is. What changed in you? What new realizations did you have? What new actions were you going to take?
Sometimes people change the direction of their lives when tragedy strikes, for others it is a blip in the trajectory of their existence. For some people it meant ensuring that those closest to them knew that they mattered. It may have been a time to ask forgiveness or share their true feelings or to recommit to a relationship that had gone sour. What changed for you?
What moves you to take action? Does it take a massive and violent attack on your way of life or do you see what is best for you and then take action?
Everyone experiences some type of 9/11 experience in their life. Some use that experience as a wake up call, a time to start taking action. For others it means withdrawal and moving backwards and becoming a victim of the event rather than making a choice to take action. Fear drives withdrawal, opportunity causes action. What do you do when faced with great challenges?
Take this chance to evaluate where you are today:
Use a scale of 1-10, 1 = Not at all, 10 = Very much so
1. My life is close to my ideal
2. The conditions in my life are very satisfying
3. I am satisfied with my life
4. I have most of what I want out of life
5. I have no regrets about my life so far
Add up the score.
My life is very good – ( 40 or above)
My life has opportunities – (30 – 39)
My life could use improvement (20 – 29)
My life needs a lot of work ( less than 20)
Make today the day you start working on your life. Don’t wait for something tragic to motivate you.
“Don’t you long for something different to happen, something so exciting and new it carries you along with it like a great tide, something that lets your life blaze and burn so the whole world can see it?” Juliet Marillier
For many people the idea of change is terrifying and change is what leads to growth and experiencing life fully. What most people don’t realize is that the mind and the body can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement. The same emotions and the same feelings are experienced by both fear and excitement. How do you know which is which?
Remember the first day of school, that very first day that you realized that you were going to be doing something very different. Maybe you were waiting for a bus to pick you up or perhaps you had to walk a few blocks to school. This was the very first day you would be all alone (or at least you felt that way). The reason not to go to school might have been “I don’t know anyone”, “I don’t have any friends” … or something else. There is a first day of school story that most people know and can still remember. Was it excitement or fear?
That moment when the doors opened on that big yellow bus for your first time was a life defining moment. That first big step up, and then the next and the next and then it was finding a seat. All the faces were new and you might have been a little afraid or very excited but you didn’t know the difference. You did know that your heart was beating faster and that the nerves weren’t very calm.
The first time you rode your bike may have been about the fear of falling and the exhilaration of making the first few turns of the pedal without anyone holding you up. It wasn’t until you realized that you were riding without any help that you crashed but in that moment that moment of freedom you were excited and saying “Look at me, I am riding my bike!”. It was exciting wasn’t it?
Think about other “firsts” in your life. What was it fear or excitement. Was it the excitement of doing something for the first time? The second time that experience wasn’t so vivid and fresh and the third, fourth and fifth were less exciting than that very first time.
The very first plane ride was exciting. The very first bus ride was exciting. The very first day of school was exciting. It was like stepping in to a whole new world and over time that excitement turned into a routine and you became an expert. An expert at riding the bus, an expert at going to school, an expert at riding the bike and an expert at each thing that you had repeated experience in and it just became something normal didn’t it?
For many people the fear of speaking in front of a large audience is debilitating, but is it really fear or is it excitement. Is it really about the excitement of doing something new and different or is there some real threat about speaking in front of an audience of people. What is the worst that could happen as a speaker? Is it a real fear? Some people would say, “I might look bad”, or “I might sound stupid”, or “I might not look right”, whatever that is, it is really not about speaking it is about what others might think. Is it fear or excitement?
What do you think? When you try something new is it fear or excitement? Think about it the next time you try something new.
“It was an image Melody would never forget. Or was it the emotions the image conjured – hope, excitement, and fear of the unknown, all three tightly braided together, creating a fourth emotion that was impossible to define. She was getting a second chance at happiness and it tickled like swallowing fifty fuzzy caterpillars.” Lisi Harrison (Monster High)
“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” Rosa Parks
Fear can either paralyze or motivate a person. In the face of danger some people are unable to make a move and others of course run and run fast. Why is that? Why do people choke when the pressure of the moment suddenly increases?
Small business owners can be paralyzed by the lack of orders and business. What once worked no longer works and instead of breaking through and developing some new ideas they freeze up and wonder what is happening. Analysis paralysis is often the term used for wallowing in indecision and inaction.
For many people and businesses when the pressure is ratcheted up there is a tendency to pull back and withdraw which is just opposite of what should take place. When you are facing some difficulty in your life the experts recommend:
1. Work with someone, find someone who you can partner with and share your difficulties with. For businesses or individuals it might mean getting a coach so that there is a new viewpoint to consider.
2. Focus – as the pressure increases it is easy to try to do too many different things. Regain focus on the desired outcome. What will get you there? Staying focused on “the” goal and choosing actions that will get you to the goal is certainly one of the keys for success.
3. Be optimistic – it is too easy to slip into pessimism, worry and self-doubt and those three words, pessimism, worry and self-doubt can take your from the edge of success to the brink of defeat. Those who are able to push forward and stay optimistic have a better chance of achieving the goal.
4. Cultivate new ideas – Use your imagination to find new ways to solve the difficult problems. The old way of doing things may just be that, “the old way” and today it takes out of the box thinking.
In the September issue of Success Magazine a quick poll revealed that when people are challenged they tend to do these things:
38% develop an action plan
23% handle it on their own
17% Seek expert advice, finding a coach or mentor
16% Ask help from friends
6% Avoid the issue (this is running away)
What do you do when you face fear? Run or take action.
“You have within you more resources of energy than have ever been tapped, more talent than has ever been exploited. More strength than has ever been tested. And more to give than you have ever been given.” John Gardener
Olusegun Jegeda writes, “Fear is like a virus that wrecks havoc in our lives. It develops into mistrust, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, and other negative emotions. It paralyzes us and hinders our progress in life. When fear grips you, you become powerless. It’s the greatest obstacle to personal success.” Psychology Today
Fear starts with the statement “what if …”.
What if I don’t get that new job.
What if I don’t have the money to pay the bills?
What if my manager gets upset with me again?
What if they fire me?
What if they keep me?
What if my company goes out of business?
What if my relationship ends up in divorce?
What if I don’t finish college?
What I am not smart enough?
What if I don’t look good enough?
What if I don’t get a promotion?
What if they ask me a question I don’t know the answer to?
What if I fail?
What if I succeed then what?
All those ”what if” statements that we create in our mind generate the sensation of fear or stress. Your body’s reaction to that stress or fear is the release of hormones into your body so that it will react. These hormones are powerful and that is the reason our heart elevates in rate, our breathing increases, our language changes and we begin to react rather than respond to the situation.
Think about where you are right now, what is holding you back? What “what if” statement is running through you mind and what would you like to do about it?
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Harold Whitman
One of the phrases I hear quite often is “If I”. If I had more money my life would be better. If I had a better job my life would be better. ”If I”. It’s a slow death sentence to an unlived life.
What would happen if you replaced “If I” with “When I”. Not “if I” could do this or that, but rather “When I”. Take control of your life. Instead of living life as if each moment were a mystery start creating a vision statement. Take that vision statement and translate that into a set of goals that extent out 5 to 10 years. Write down the goals in “BIG” letters, yes big letters. Make it visible to you and to others. Let them know you are going to go “BIG” and start living your life as you really want to.
Living BIG doesn’t mean living foolishly it means creating a set of plans that are achievable, doable and lead towards your vision. It means living with constancy of purpose and having the ability to work through the hard times. It means celebrating success along the way even if it is only a small, small step. Moving forward is not always easy so be patient and keep pushing forward. It is those who break through those barriers and hurdle the trials that reach their vision.
When a vision, a compelling vision is reached it doesn’t mean that it is the end. It really is just a new beginning. When the vision is realized a new vision, a new mission is created that will raise you to a new level of living.
How do you start living? (If you need a clue watch the video)
1. Make a commitment to yourself that you will define your purpose.
2. Create that purpose for your life.
- Take a walk and bring with you a pad of paper. Find a place where you can be alone and in the quiet, in the serenity of the moment think about what you really want to do and be. Write down your thoughts and observe trends, patterns and ideas. What is the same about them and what is unique? Star the ones that make your heart beat a bit faster.
- Refine the list, get the key things from your list. Put the ”doables” in one column and put the “reach for the stars” in another and put the routine items in a third column.
- What made it into the “reach for the stars column”.?
- Choose the most compelling, most awesome, most powerful ideas and write a goal statement.
- I am going to ________________________ in 5 years.
- Write a story that describes this ultimate dream of yours. What does it really look like to you. What will it take to make it real? What new skills will you need? What risks will you take? What will require change?
- Be clear about what you want. Be crystal clear.
3. Tell others what you are going to do or change. Make it BIG.
4. Make it real (start doing)
5. Give of yourself to others.
When you create your “Start Living Plan” you may notice that you pull back from it believing it isn’t possible or it is foolish to believe in such great things. Work towards the goal, even if it is only for 15 minutes a day. Take a few minutes each day and work on the goal. Turn off the distractions, the TV or whatever pushes you away from the pursuit of the dream. If you want the dream to be realized sooner put more effort into it.
If you aren’t sure which way to go, enlist a coach to work with you. A coach can hold you accountable and keep those commitments in the forefront of your mind. Fighting the battle alone is one of the reasons so many people give up on their dreams before they start. Be one of the ones that makes your dream come real.
“All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose.” Brian Tracy
‘You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
Mary Manin Morrissey
Fear! Fear of change. Fear of not changing. Fear of what might happen tomorrow. Fear of what might happen today. Fear it stops us right where we are and prevents us from being who we are capable of being.
In the wrong career and afraid to make that change.
In the right career and afraid the job might go away.
In the wrong relationship and fearing what might happen.
In the right relationship and afraid that it won’t last.
What are you afraid of? What is stopping you from making the change that will allow you to grow and prosper? It might be because you are afraid that even as bad as it is now it could get worse. Fear traps people into thinking that the only outcome that could happen is worse than what they are experiencing right now.
Fear robs people of the confidence to make change work for them. Many people, maybe most people only look at what could go wrong in their life rather than what could go right. Instead of looking at what could go wrong peer at the possibilities that things will go right. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy though. It does mean that with persistence, hard work and a positive attitude that reaching your goals is possible.
A recent story about Louis Zamperini might encourage you to make those changes you have been putting on your list of things you’d like to do.
In many cases fear turns dreams into obstacles that feel too big to overcome. What happens if I fail and lose, and lose everything then what, where do I go from there? It is the story of those who are rich and famous. To have found something they are passionate about and then forged ahead to make that idea or dream happen. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t. When we hear the stories of failure we believe that it what would happen to us. Who am I to reach my goals and dreams. If those that I know haven’t then why should I? That is the story of fear, and fear is winning in far greater numbers and it is also robbing possibilities.
What are you waiting for?
1. What is your vision for your life (what is your unique contribution going to be?)
2. What is stopping you from starting towards that vision?
3. What would make you feel safe enough to try?
4. What are some steps you could take today?
5. Who will help you stay accountable to achieving your goal?
Imagine what it would feel like to reach your goals. Imagine what it would look like to reach your goals. Imagine what it would sound like to reach your goals.
Then say, “I am good enough to reach my goals with some work”. Now, without delay begin that journey that you have longed to take and start experiencing what it would be like to reach your goal. Do it today!
“People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.” Earl Nightingale
“We would rather be ruined than changed;
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.” W.H. Auden
If it is important then why not make the change?
There are many, many people who are tired of what they are doing, tired of having things being a struggle all of the time. Work is harder. Relationships are on edge or broken. The career is stalled or falling apart. The weight that should have been lost is coming back. Each day it feels like the load gets heavier and heavier and looking at the news it doesn’t appear to be getting better soon.
Maybe someone has told you, “you need to change”, or “you should change”, and in your mind your thinking, maybe I do need to change. “I need to change …”, that doesn’t sound very empowering does it.
I have to change.
I need to change.
I should change.
I want to change.
I desire to change.
What statement is more like you?
Personal change is going to be very difficult if there isn’t a desire to change. Shifting the language to “want to” or “desire to” is going to be much more enabling than “need to” or “should” change or “have to” change.
Until there is a point where you tell yourself “I want to” make changes in my life, change is unlikely to happen or to be sustained. Change doesn’t happen until you want change to happen. Take a look at this change guide (link is located on the page). What would do you want to change? Really, what do you want to change? Not should change, not need to change , not have to change, but desire or want to change?
“The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created–created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.” John Schaar
![[New York Daily News 9/14/01]](http://www.worldstatesmen.org/nydailynewssat.jpg)
