begin

“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door.”  Albert Camus

Begin!  That is all it takes to start something is to begin and yet far too many people put of that very task of getting started.     How many things have you put off waiting for tomorrow, the day that never comes.

Personal happiness, even professional happiness is tied directly to the actions you take not to the actions you don’t take.   Happiness isn’t something that comes to you as a result, happiness comes to you when you do something that you believe is useful.

Leadership expert John Maxwell suggests that we look at four things as that can result in having a happier life.

1. Create and nurture relationships.    People are meant to engage with other people.  Learning how to develop, grow and value relationships.

2. Make decisions.   Making decisions that support who you are and your strengths that are based on sound reasoning will improve outcomes in your life.  It takes discipline and practice to make good decisions.

3. Continual growth.   What are you doing to continually improve upon “who” you are.   That could mean additional education and skills or it could mean doing something that allows you to grow as a person, or it could be learning from the lessons of life.  Take time to reflect on each day and evaluate what you learned.

4. Adding value.   How can you add value to others?   Instead of looking at what you can get ask yourself what you can give.    Shift the equation around, how can I add value to others?   What can I bring to someone else in terms of value?   When you look at the personal development industry you’ll see countless experts giving away information, time and value, so that others can grow and develop.

What does it take to get started?    What does it take to go from waiting to beginning to make a difference?   It takes you taking action.   Stop waiting for tomorrow and start DOING today.

1. Who can you develop a stronger relationship with TODAY?

2. What decision are you holding off making?   What is stopping you from making that decision?

3. What can you do now to improve your personal or professional growth?

4. Who can you add value to?    Shift from “I” to “you”.   What can you do?

Years ago there was a movie about the continual bad news that was heard, news that help people captive to inaction, to being a victim of the circumstances rather than an owner of the solution.   The movie was  ”NETWORK” and the newscaster asked people to get up and yell …    It’s time to begin and take action.

Alignment

“Your life has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Inner purpose concerns Being and is primary. Outer purpose concerns doing and it is secondary. Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet – because it is the purpose of humanity. Your inner purpose is an essential part of the purpose of the whole, the universe and its emerging intelligence. Your outer purpose can change over time. It varies greatly from person to person. Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success. Without that alignment, you can still achieve certain things through effort, struggle, determination, and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endeavor, and it invariably ends in some form of suffering.”  Eckhart Tolle

As a coach who works a wide variety of people it is important that the client knows “who” they are.   In many cases they have an idea of who they are that has been shaped by external influences and over time their belief about “who” they are is merely a mask of their real self.    People take assessments to help define better who they are (MBTI, DISC, …) and while those assessments provide value they are often reflections of what other people have declared them to be.   Even 360 degree assessment fail to provide the truth about “who” a person really is.  

 

What happens when people don’t know “who” they are is that they fight against themselves in many cases in terms of career choice, conflicts, learning styles, and working with others.   If people knew “who” they were naturally they would experience greater career, relational, and personal success and fulfillment.   The very things people are looking for are obscured by not knowing who they are.

Jim Collins the author of “Good to Great” writes,  “You can’t manufacture passion or “motivate” people to feel passionate. You can only discover what ignites your passion and the passions of those around you.”     Research indicates that only about 28% of people in their work love what they do.    That means that 72% of the workforce is doing work they don’t really like to do.  Companies spend billions of dollars training and trying to get people to fit their roles and can’t.   When people are not in alignment with “who” they are and what they do they will attempt to mold the job to their core values and ultimately the both the employee and organization suffer.  

For organizations getting the right people in the right seat would make a huge contribution to the bottom line and increase employee satisfaction.    Imagine if you knew what your core values were so that you could find a job that aligns with your strengths and abilities.    Taylor Protocols is one such company that knows how to get the right people in the right seat.     Their “Core Value Index” reliably shows what matters most to people and when they know their core values they are able to:

1. Find out what career is a good fit.

2. Find out how to manage conflict.

3. Find out what creates conflict in their life.

4. Find out their best learning style.

5. Find out how they can make their biggest contribution.

When people are in alignment with “who” they are their level of fulfillment increases, their productivity increase and life gets better.   That is what many people want, a better life and yet they struggle with daily fighting against “who” they truly are.    The CVI is something that can be purchased and the results can be used to fashion a purpose filled life.   It is worth the few dollars to find out what really works in your life.   It is far cheaper than therapy or counseling that often takes place after one has fought against their natural values for years.

Do you know “who” you are?    Are you living with your “values” or against them?

Here’s a short clip about the value of the CVI.

 

 

Now

“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.”  James Thurber

It fits neatly between the past and the future.   It is the space between the not yet and history, it is what we call “Now” and it is a very precious moment.   Now is always moving in some direction for some people it is forward and for others it is a link to the past.

Some people move from “Now” into the past, a past  filled regrets, anger, and disappointment.   They are so comfortable in the past that they can’t move out of it, they are friends with yesterday.   For those who are stuck in the past we are likely to call them victims.    For the victim life is about “getting” comfort from others and it is a way to survive and receive empathy.   While there is a benefit from living in the past as a victim it isn’t a place of strength and vitality.   Living a life in the past is more like living in a cage, safety being on the inside but there is no freedom in living in the past.

There are some people who live in the future, a future that is filled with dreams of what can be or a future that is filled with anxiety and fear.   Living in fear (panic attacks, high anxiety) diminishes the quality of life.   People living alone without a strong support structure can project themselves into an uncertain future and increase the chances of having panic attacks. 

The past or the future is not the place to cultivate happiness.   Happiness occurs in the “now”.  While we can have fond memories of the past that brings to us feelings of joy, these feelings often only pull us back into a place of “life was better then …”.   Now is the time and place for happiness and because it happens  in the moment it often feels elusive.    As soon as you think about your  happiness you are shifting your state of consciousness to a different time perspective.   Happiness in the moment is something that is and it takes no thought.

Now is the place where creation unfolds.   Now is the place the  memories bloom.   Now is the place that dreams are fashioned.   Many people refer to “now” as being present, not being in the past or in the future but being right in the moment, fully alive and fully energized.  

Where do you find yourself, in the present, in the past or in the future?

In this video the Dalai Lama talks about how our emotions are the source of our problems, and it is our emotions that impact our ability to be happy, to be present, to be in the “now”. What do you think?

 

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”   James Thurber

Meditation

“We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” – C.S. Lewis

How are you feeling about life right now? What are you distracted by? What are you concerned about? What is the state of your mind right now?

Today we are shifting the conversation away from doing and doing more to taking time out to do less.    We are talking about freeing the mind and the body of the constant noise we hear from all aspects of our life.   Right now turn off the TV, the radio, the phone and any source of external stimulation.  Just turn it off for a few minutes.

I want you to observe your mental state and the thoughts you have having.  What are they?   What thoughts and what feelings do you have right now?   Are you at a place of peace and calmness?    I didn’t think so.   You’re thinking about what to do next.  Your mind is cluttered with ideas and thoughts as a constant buzzing and it doesn’t bring about any sense of peace at all.

In the book “The Emotional Life of your Brain”  the author Richard Davidson talks about meditation as a way to create new ways to respond and experience thought.  In other words meditation or mindfulness  helps the brain create new pathways which reduce the negative impacts of stressful situations.   Meditation then help one respond rather than react to situations that generate negative emotions.

In a world where there is more and more negative stimulation,  taking the time to focus on nothingness helps retrain the brain to shift from negativity to something that is more positive.    Quieting the brain creates a greater sense of well-being and peacefulness which is what many people long for.

To help strengthen a more positive outlook without learning meditation you can do the following:

1. Focus on your positive characteristics – write down one of your strengths and one of a person you know well.

2. Be grateful.   Be intentionally thankful and keep track of how many genuine thank-you’s you share with others.

3. Complement others genuinely.   Look at the Smile & Move campaign for some ideas.

Now take a few minutes sit back and listen to the following clip.  Take the time to slow down, and recharge.

Joy – The responsibility equation

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”   Albert Ellis

Joy, what is it?

Is joy happiness?   Is joy the sustained sense of well-being that we experience when our needs are met and some of our wants are met?   Is joy a sense of contentment in the midst of all of life’s circumstances?

Some people would say that joy has no definition, it is a state of mind that defies description.   It is a feeling that is different for every person.    Let’s look at an example, two stewardesses on a plane with basically the same job, the same pay, the same circumstances and yet one is happy and the other is grumpy.    The conditions on the plane are the same for both stewardesses, yet one is happy and the other isn’t.   What is the difference?

Where does joy come from?    Does joy come from things outside of you?    Joy seems to be manufactured by the interpretation of the situation you  see yourself in right now.   If you find yourself being anxious, upset, worried, fretting, angry, or depressed about how things are in your life there will be little space for joy.   If you find yourself at peace with what you have and where you are in life right now then you’ll probably sense some joy and happiness.

The difference it seems between feeling joy and not having joy is about taking responsibility for joy.   If you take 100% responsibility for your life then you will start experiencing more joy in your life.   Responsibility means that you are doing all that you can to create the outcomes you want in life for you.   It means that you are giving more, you are more concerned with others than yourself.  It means that you give with the expectation of getting nothing in return.

For many people getting more stuff provides some level of increased happiness yet that only lasts a short amount of time.   Hedonic adaptation takes over and that new car, new home, new bike, new clothes, or new something only has a short impact on happiness.      So while new things provide momentary happiness that happiness dissolves within a relatively short amount of time and as a result there is an increased sense of dissatisfaction which increases the pressure to get a happiness fix.

The responsibility equation replaces those momentary happiness fixes with a sense of long-lasting joy.   That is taking 100% responsibility for all things, giving more and doing more.   Think about it, what would living the 100/0 equation do for you?

Take a look:

Health

“Time And health are two precious assets that we don’t recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted.”  Denis Waitley

Health and happiness are tightly woven together.   People who exercise are going to benefit from the post-exercise benefits for as much as 12 hours according to an  article in U.S News and World Report.   Twelve hours of positive benefits from moderate exercise (20 minutes) per day helps increase brain mood, or happiness.

How much exercise are you getting on  a daily basis?

Another important factor is sleep.   Regular, routine sleep of 7-8 hours.  That makes a big difference.   People with adequate sleep experience less stress and are able to handle stress better.   The Huffington Post gives 11 reasons why sleep is beneficial.   Creating new sleep habits, having regular times for sleep will provide long-term benefits.   Instead of reading one more email, watching one more movie or doing one more extra thing at the end of the day, stop and go to bed instead.   Getting the sleep you need will have long-term and short-term benefits and will improve your happiness as well.

How much sleep do you get each night?

Finally, diet.   How many times in an average week do you find yourself at the counter of a fast food restaurant and most food chains qualify as fast food?   In the US obesity is an epidemic.   Cheap high calorie food for those who sit more at work and at home is contributing to increases in lifestyle diseases such as type II diabetes.   In one report it  is estimated that the current generation of kids  is likely to have a shorter lifespan than their parents, reversing a long trend of longer lifespans.    Eating cheap, available high calorie foods is not helping our kids, our families or our health.   It may be convenient to stop and get a quick meal in the rush to cram a little bit more into a day, but eventually there is a high price to pay, and that will be quality of life.   Lifestyle diseases are not easy to or cheap to fix.   It pays to spend time preparing and eating healthy meals.

How much fast food is in your diet?

Health is a choice, getting 30 minutes of exercise per day, getting enough sleep per night and eating the right foods are all choices people make.   Some people make those choices without thinking about the long-term consequences of those choices.

Being healthy leads to greater happiness, and it also leads to a higher quality of life.   Think about your health habits, what could change to make your life better?

running on the hedonic treadmill

“The 7 Deadly Sins are:
Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Knowledge without character
Business without morality
Science without humanity
Worship without sacrifice
Politics without principle”  Gandhi

Everywhere people are chasing something and are finding that as hard as they chase they are unable to grab hold to this elusive thing.   You may hear in their words, “If I only __________________”, then I would be _____________.  What is that second word?

Was it happiness?   Yes, people are chasing happiness and are having a hard time grasping it.   The faster you run towards happiness the greater the distance to achieve it.    Studies have been done on those who win lotteries and those people have a six month boost in happiness before returning to the level of happiness they had before their fortunate outcome.

People who are the happiest have strong relationships, a rewarding career, supportive social networks, financial sufficiency and ability to make choices. To jump of the hedonic treadmill try improving your relationships,  working at something you enjoy, and spreading happiness around.

Relationships matter

 Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh!’ he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’ “ A.A. Milne

Positive psychology research has shown that people with good relationships are happier than those who don’t have relationships with others.

Rewarding Career

Working a career that uses your strengths and abilities leads to greater happiness.   Examine your strengths and talents and find work that leverages them.

 

 

Supportive Social networks

Happiness is contagious.  Research done by Dan Gilbert shows that happiness spreads.   If someone else is happy you’re likely to catch some of that happiness and spread it to others.  Find people who are supportive and happy and spread it around.

 

 

Other happiness indicators are:

• Financial Sufficiency – having enough money
• Democracy – sense of choice, empowered
• Religion – increased sense of fulfillment
• Praise to criticism ratio of 3 praises to 1 criticism

“In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. “Deserves” is not the point. And “owes” is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is — in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.”   Amy Bloom

Three ways to increase happiness

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”  Nathaniel Hawthorne

Happiness is something many people strive for and fail to achieve.   Happiness can be elusive to some and easy to obtain for others.   A new film called “Happy” is documenting happiness, where it is found and how people live a life of happiness.

Recent research provides some steps to achieve greater happiness.   The study of happiness is growing and is a reflection of the positive psychology movement and the strengths movement.  Markus Buckingham one of the leaders in the strengths movement shows people why strengths are important in this short video.   People that use their strengths are happier.   Don’t know your strengths then got to viastrengths and find out what your strengths are.

Another aspect of happiness is purpose.    Having a purpose increases happiness.   Knowing who you are what you are gifted at doing and having the ability to use those gifts increases happiness.    If you haven’t found your purpose or aren’t sure you have a purpose take a look at this.   See if you can figure out your purpose, you’ll be happier when you do have a defined purpose.

The third element of happiness is developing relationships.    Relationships that work well increase happiness.  As we approach the holiday season many people feel stressed due to the fact many relationships aren’t what they should be.   Here are some hints on dealing with broken relationships.

Three steps to increase happiness.

1. Know your purpose

2. Strong and deep relationships

3. Knowing and using your strengths.

What are you doing to increase your happiness?   Happiness is part choice, part development and to some degree inherited qualities.   Choose to be happier.  Choose to develop your strengths and choose to develop deep and meaningful relationships and you will be happier.    Maybe you have a story about how you found happiness, what is it?

3 secrets

” The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”   Mark Twain

The doorway to success

What is the secret to success?    It is doing three simple things.   By doing these things you have more vitality during the day.    You’ll feel alive and be able to think clearly.    You’ll be able to feel the air pulse through the body.   You’ll be able to focus and stay alert.   You’ll feel happier and more grateful.

So, what are the big three.

1. Exercise – as simple as it may seem exercise increases the production of dopamine and serotonin in the body.  These hormones increase the sense of well-being and can improve focus and alertness especially for those with ADHD/ADD.    Exercise is something most people lack.  In today’s fast paced world most of the work is done sitting down with little physical activity.      Taking breaks to energize the body by increasing the respiratory rate and heart rate is a good practice.   Better physical conditioning helps improve immune function.   Exercise is a win-win proposition, a win for the mind and a win for the body.   What is stopping you?

2. The second big secret and it appears to be a secret because it isn’t done nearly enough and that is eating a balanced diet and drinking the right amount of water.  Drinking water, it’s cheap and available yet we spend a lot of money purchasing other drink alternatives.    Save money and drink more water.

Diet in America is poor.  Obesity rates are climbing quickly and all states exhibit obesity rates of 20% or more.    The availability of cheap high calorie food might be to blame but so is the fast paced society we live in where preparing healthy meals has given way to meals that can be prepared in a few minutes or seconds.

Health issues increase dramatically as the weight  increases.   There is a greater risk of diabetes, a disease that can be controlled by diet and exercise and yet as a society more and more people are becoming diabetic.

The secret, eat less and eat better.  Drink more water stay hydrated.   Headaches are often a result of not drinking enough water.

3.  The final secret even though there are hundreds of studies on this topic is getting enough sleep each day (7-8 hours).   High performers get the sleep they need to continue to perform well.   It is possible to get results on a few hours a sleep a night for a short period of time but for the long-term, the right amount of sleep is critical.

The formula for success is living an active healthy lifestyle.    If the body isn’t healthy the mind isn’t as healthy as it should be either.   Living a lifestyle of positive choices improves longevity, improves overall well-being and reduces the chances of having expensive medical care.   You would think those would be great things to have but many people are making choices that push the responsibility of their health to the medical field.   Why?

What are you doing to live a positive healthy lifestyle?

journey …

“‘Time’ doesn’t pass.  We human beings have enormous difficulty focusing on the present; we’re thinking about what we did, about how we could have done it better, about the consequences of our actions, and about why we didn’t act as we should have.  Or else we think about the future, about what we’re going to do tomorrow, what precautions we should take,  what dangers await us around the next corner, how to avoid what we don’t want and how to get what we always dreamed of. ”  Paulo Coelho  from “Aleph”

Many years ago it seems I took a bike and rode from Colorado to Connecticut a journey of 2500 miles.   It was a dream to ride across the country  and we did it in 36 days.    The people we would meet along the way would be weary from living a life that thought they “had” to live.   We heard things like “if I were younger ….” and their story of a life that had passed them by would float out into the air.   What was their journey going to be like?    Was it going to be a routine of living a hard life and not a life that was designed but a life that was handed to them by the hands of others who did the same thing.    They were living a life, a life of existence, a set of patterns that were ingrained into them that limited the life they could really live.

Many people spend their lives chasing something and not being sure what it is or why they are chasing it and some people chase nothing at all and wonder what or if anything life will offer them.

Journeys start with a goal in mind,  a place to arrive at, and that  gives purpose to the journey.   A goal provides direction and acts like a compass guiding the traveler to a place.   The journey in between the starting place and the destination is the place where growth takes place.   The journey is the hard work to realize a goal.

Riding cross-country on a bike built for two allowed us to experience what many people fail to experience, to live in the present, to live in the moment between the past and the future, there was nothing else.   Turning the pedals for hours on end and experiencing the wind, the sun,  and each breath was being able to live in the journey.

What goal do you have that is powerful enough to allow you to experience the journey?   The journey where you can feel the heartbeat of each day and you can hear each breath and feel the sun, when are you going to start living in that journey?

“Leave your comfortable life and go in search of your kingdom”   Paulo Coehlo from Aleph