choosing to become

“I am not what happened to me.
I am what I chose to become.”

~ Carl Jung

The mindset of many in today’s culture is that things happen to them, things that are out of their control,  that lead to bad outcomes.   No matter what is happening in their life all some people experience is the worst of life.   How we experience life is a choice.  We have the choice to make the most of a bad day or let the bad day make the least out of us.

Being a victim of external events removes power from anyone.   Choosing to be caught in arguments, conflict, or negative situations without stepping back and pausing to see if the issue is that important puts us in a negative mental position. You can detect victim behavior by their language and how they blame others or the situation they are in for their attitude, how they can’t get things done or how bad they feel.    Being a victim is a choice.

The other side of choice is driven by an attitude that says,  ”I take responsibility for my life and how I feel.”   The person who desires to use the language of positivity will experience greater happiness and success.   Those that choose to be grateful and positive will see better outcomes than those who believe that everything that goes wrong is an insult to them.

Learning how to become the person you want to be is a choice.  Being the best you can be is something you can take charge of.   If you know of someone who is always in the mode of a victim, who can’t seem to find positive outcomes in their life they may be a great candidate for coaching.     Have them contact me at dan@danweigold.com for a free coaching consultation.  Find out how you or someone you know can move from “poor me” to “powerful me”.   It is your choice.
Are you happier?

one precious life

The Summer Day

Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

from New and Selected Poems, 1992    Beacon Press, Boston, MA

What do you want to do with your life?

What kind of success do you want to pursue?

Are you living a life according to your values or are you living a life aligned to your material desires?  Are you intensely focused on what is most important for you and your life?  Have you defined the right priorities for you and your life?

For the grasshopper being present is life.   What about you?   Are you being present or are you filled with so many things that you can’t possibly pause to enjoy life?

Honor your priorities.   Honor your values.   Be crystal clear on what is important to you and honor that and that will help you find value in your one precious life.

Living Longer …

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”
― Frank Lloyd Wright

 

 

What would it be like to add quality years to your life?

© MedexSupply

live a longer life …

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
C. JoyBell C.

What if you could live longer?   Would that be something you would be interested in?   Some people would be.  Some people would love to live a few years longer.

Jane McGonigal, a game developer would argue that playing games can add time to your life.   She uses the premise that people who are at the end of their life often have some regrets.   The Guardian reports that people do have end of life regrets.  They regret working so hard. They regret not spending time with friends and family.   They regret not the person they weren’t meant to be.   They regret not being happier.

If you could do your life over again what would you do different?   Well today is that day you can start living the life you want to do.     Yeah, yeah, yeah, there are reasons you can’t do what you really were meant to do.   There are reasons you can’t live a happier life (you like being miserable).   There are reasons you can be the person who you really are (you’ve developed a persona that every one knows and you don’t want them to know the real you).    There are “buts”, lots of buts why you can’t do what you really want to do.

Think about it.   How many times during the day do you use the word “but”?    Just try observing the number of times you use the word “but”.     I could …. “but”.    How many times do you use the word but?     But’s become a convenient way for not something that would move you forward in life.     But …

If you can live without “buts” then you can live a longer life.

Now, what can you do to add more to your life?   Take a look at Jane McGonigal’s TED talk,  and add minutes to your life today.  TODAY!

creativity … right brain thinking

“True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.” — Eckhart Tolle

Where do your best ideas come from?

Are you able to use your creative talents daily?    When do you use your creativity?

Creativity leads to innovation if action is taken and that is what thwarts many creative people, the inability to take action.    Having great ideas works when something becomes of them.   Perhaps you have tons of great ideas and they are carefully written in a book, the ideas are there but they aren’t going anywhere.  What would it take to take the best ideas and take action on them?

If you are thinking, “I’m not a creative thinker” then try to different approaches to solving problems.   For example Daniel Pink suggests that you give the problem to someone else to solve.   Gretchen Rubin the author of the “Happiness Project” has these suggestions to generate new ideas.

Some people just draw pictures and link those pictures to a central theme, or do what is popularly called “Mind Mapping“.    There are other brain storming methods that can be used to generate new ideas, ideas that can improve your life.    Visiting a book store can be a good way to look at things in a new way, new ideas and new thoughts can lead to your innovative spirit coming to life.

Some ideas to cultivate creative thoughts:

1. Invite some friends over for a creativity party.

2. Take a walk

3. Journal – and then reflect on what you wrote

4. Solve a problem for someone else

5. Play with some children .. let them solve a problem for you.

6. Take something apart blindfolded

7. Read a book you normally wouldn’t read

The idea is to shift you out of your comfort zone, your normal zone of thinking, so that you exercise a part of the brain you don’t normally use.   Flip things upside down, tackle the idea from a different point of view and see what happens.    Change the rules to a game, like Monopoly or Scrabble, what can you come up with?

Elizabeth Gilbert the author of “Eat, Pray, Love” talks about the creativity challenge …

What are your creativity challenges? What would spark a new idea? What would cause you to leap to action?

life worth living

“We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”    Tara Brach

Living life without limits is not just for the few it is for everyone.    Nearly everyone is struggling with some aspect of life.  It might be financial, relationship, career, wellness, health, friends, family,  or something that is sucking the life out of them.    Maybe you know of someone who feels their life is being sucked out of them.    What are they telling you?

Are they telling you how miserable life is and there is nothing that can be done to make life better.   Their life is bad so their goal is to gain sympathy from someone else,  someone who will agree with them that life is just miserable.

Have you met someone who is overwhelmed with life, with the daily grind of life?    Maybe their career is not even close to what they really want to do so they suffer day after day earning enough that it keeps them locked into work they really hate.    Each day they attempt to put on a happy face and walk into their place of employment with a little less energy than they had the day before.    Who are they fooling with their less than optimal performance?

Life without limits means doing, being and living at what you are best at.   It means allowing your strengths to be used fully and that you are passionate about what you are doing in life most of the time.

Let’s look at some ideas that John Maxwell shares with us that will help us live life without limits.

1.  On Failing,  Fail Forward –  ”‘Failing forward’ is the ability to get back up after you’ve been knocked down, learn from your mistake, and move forward in a better direction.”

2.  Quit at the right time – “When to quit: (1) Quit something you don’t do well to start something you do well. (2)  Quit something you’re not passionate about to do something that fills you with passion. (3) Quit something that doesn’t make a difference to do something that does.”

3. Forge a new attitude - “Whether you are eleven, forty-two, or sixty-five, your attitude toward life is still under construction.  It’s never too late for a person to change his attitude.”

4. Be confident - “Affirmation from others is fickle and fleeting.  If you want to make an impact during your lifetime, you have to trade the praise you could receive from others for the things of value that you can accomplish.  You can’t be ‘one of the boys’ and follow your destiny at the same time.”

Use what you have right now and start living your life.   Take a lesson from Nick Vujicic and learn what it means to live a life without limits.

Learn more about living your life without limits.    When do you start, now, right now!   Stop making excuses and start living a better life.

3 secrets

” The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”   Mark Twain

The doorway to success

What is the secret to success?    It is doing three simple things.   By doing these things you have more vitality during the day.    You’ll feel alive and be able to think clearly.    You’ll be able to feel the air pulse through the body.   You’ll be able to focus and stay alert.   You’ll feel happier and more grateful.

So, what are the big three.

1. Exercise – as simple as it may seem exercise increases the production of dopamine and serotonin in the body.  These hormones increase the sense of well-being and can improve focus and alertness especially for those with ADHD/ADD.    Exercise is something most people lack.  In today’s fast paced world most of the work is done sitting down with little physical activity.      Taking breaks to energize the body by increasing the respiratory rate and heart rate is a good practice.   Better physical conditioning helps improve immune function.   Exercise is a win-win proposition, a win for the mind and a win for the body.   What is stopping you?

2. The second big secret and it appears to be a secret because it isn’t done nearly enough and that is eating a balanced diet and drinking the right amount of water.  Drinking water, it’s cheap and available yet we spend a lot of money purchasing other drink alternatives.    Save money and drink more water.

Diet in America is poor.  Obesity rates are climbing quickly and all states exhibit obesity rates of 20% or more.    The availability of cheap high calorie food might be to blame but so is the fast paced society we live in where preparing healthy meals has given way to meals that can be prepared in a few minutes or seconds.

Health issues increase dramatically as the weight  increases.   There is a greater risk of diabetes, a disease that can be controlled by diet and exercise and yet as a society more and more people are becoming diabetic.

The secret, eat less and eat better.  Drink more water stay hydrated.   Headaches are often a result of not drinking enough water.

3.  The final secret even though there are hundreds of studies on this topic is getting enough sleep each day (7-8 hours).   High performers get the sleep they need to continue to perform well.   It is possible to get results on a few hours a sleep a night for a short period of time but for the long-term, the right amount of sleep is critical.

The formula for success is living an active healthy lifestyle.    If the body isn’t healthy the mind isn’t as healthy as it should be either.   Living a lifestyle of positive choices improves longevity, improves overall well-being and reduces the chances of having expensive medical care.   You would think those would be great things to have but many people are making choices that push the responsibility of their health to the medical field.   Why?

What are you doing to live a positive healthy lifestyle?

be present

Where are you right now?   Are you focusing in on what is on the horizon in the next few days or weeks or are you focused on the past and what has happened.   Being present means focusing in on this moment and this moment alone.

Our culture is focused on “winning” and excelling in life and business and with such a high focus on getting results (or success) we often miss present.   As a result many people are missing out on life and over time they become disenchanted with their life.

Being present is becoming a topic of greater and greater interest and has been written about by Peter Senge and most notably Mihaly Csikszentamihalyi.   With our days being compressed by “duty” we  rarely have time to reflect on the present moment and what is happening is people are feeling like their is something missing.    That missing something starts to grow and grow and there is this moment that causes people to wonder life is all about.

Most people at some point in their life have found a moment in which they were fully present and it was magic.  Mihaly writes, “Yet we all have experienced times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, maters of our own fate.  On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like.”

It is those moments of exhilaration that people are seeking but are finding that daily living is sucking the life out of them and generating more stress than joy in their lives.   The question that lingers in many people’s minds is “how do I start feeling more joy in my life?”

Part of the answer is taking time out of the everyday busyness to stop and really doing something that tests your limits.   Busyness and routine work is draining but something that challenges ever fiber of your soul is what people describe as an optimal experience and this is what causes people to feel most alive.

What challenges the mind and body creates this sense of flow or being in the moment.   The moment is a point in time where the conscious mind reflects on the challenge and has the experience  of control, victory and freedom from the threat of chaos.   That moment is experiential and joyous and fleeting.  It is a moment that isn’t easily regained or easy to live over again through a similar experience.  It requires a new challenge and a new experience and then that moment of reflection.

For example first marathon run by a runner is often the most memorable.   Running the same marathon again even a year later has less of an impact than the first one did.   A new challenge must be experienced in order to regain that feeling.   Yet that experience can be recreated in the mind at any moment by learning how to be present right where you are.  The mind has the ability to generate that feeling of presence.   What will you do to be  present in your life?

Obtaining flow or presence

1. Set goals

2. Become immersed in activity

3. Pay attention to what is happening.

4. Learn to enjoy the present.

Do something important today that will allow you to feel better about you.

be a peak performer

“The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can’t do.”   Dennis Waitley

In the last blog post I talked about performance zones and looked at the definitions of the two lower zones, the excuse zone and the victim zone.  These zones are where many people spend most of their waking hours.   So many people are finding that life is nothing great and living like life is just a great big pain.   I’ll bet you know some people who are just existing and not enjoying life.  Is that right?   What are they saying and what are they doing?

Isn’t it tiring to listen to someone who is always telling you the reasons why they just couldn’t get it done (whatever that is)?    They always have a story of why they couldn’t and they certainly “would” have if ….

Notice the language that people use.   Is it filled with “Only if” or “If I …” or “I wish …”.   That isn’t the language of high performance that is the language of victim level performance.    Victim level performance takes energy away from others rather than elevating the energy.

What are the attributes of a performer or a high performer and how do you know you’ve met one?   One of the attributes is “energy”.  What kind of energy are they producing?   Performer’s generate energy and give it away and it becomes this infectious smile or attitude that radiates outward.

High performer’s exude energy and charge up others.   Even their bad days are only moments in time rather than most of the time.    High performers have bad days and they know that bad days aren’t the rule.   Low performers think that good days are unusual rather than the rare occasion.

The big difference between a top performer and low performer is the direction the energy flows.   It is a choice that each person makes on what direction their energy flows.   If it flows inward you’re not living your full potential.  If  your energy is flowing outward then you are giving your life meaning.

How do you create high performance?

1. Reduce stress in your life.

2. Increase personal learning

3. Feed  yourself positive material  (turn off the TV, the radio, the email, …)

4. Serve others … give your time.

5. Be clear on your mission/purpose in life.

6. Being intentional about creating high performance.

7. Develop your mental view of yourself – your personal psychology.

8. Being present … being in the moment (not the past or the future).

Eight steps to reach greater performance and all it takes is putting those ideas into practice.   Do you believe that living in performance or high performance is living a better life than living a life of excuses?   If you said, “Yes”, then what is stopping you from being the high performer that you can be?

“It’s not the mountain we conquer-but ourselves.”
Sir Edmund Hillary