choosing to become

“I am not what happened to me.
I am what I chose to become.”

~ Carl Jung

The mindset of many in today’s culture is that things happen to them, things that are out of their control,  that lead to bad outcomes.   No matter what is happening in their life all some people experience is the worst of life.   How we experience life is a choice.  We have the choice to make the most of a bad day or let the bad day make the least out of us.

Being a victim of external events removes power from anyone.   Choosing to be caught in arguments, conflict, or negative situations without stepping back and pausing to see if the issue is that important puts us in a negative mental position. You can detect victim behavior by their language and how they blame others or the situation they are in for their attitude, how they can’t get things done or how bad they feel.    Being a victim is a choice.

The other side of choice is driven by an attitude that says,  ”I take responsibility for my life and how I feel.”   The person who desires to use the language of positivity will experience greater happiness and success.   Those that choose to be grateful and positive will see better outcomes than those who believe that everything that goes wrong is an insult to them.

Learning how to become the person you want to be is a choice.  Being the best you can be is something you can take charge of.   If you know of someone who is always in the mode of a victim, who can’t seem to find positive outcomes in their life they may be a great candidate for coaching.     Have them contact me at dan@danweigold.com for a free coaching consultation.  Find out how you or someone you know can move from “poor me” to “powerful me”.   It is your choice.
Are you happier?

Voices of reason

“As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to putting people and things in their “right” place.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

There is a battle going on in your mind.    It’s the voice of doubt, the voice of fear, the voice of perfectionism, the voice of the victim, the voice of the over-achiever and others.   What voice do you hear when you are ready to make a change in  your life?

The voice you hear wants to stop you and in most cases it does.   It stops dreams, goals,  and desires from being realized.   Just  a small amount of doubt will stop people from doing something big in their life and push them back into mediocrity.    When you challenge yourself, when you want to make a change, what do you hear, experience and feel?

Shirzad Chamine the author of “Positive Intelligence”  labels the voices.  Meet the voice of the saboteur:

1. The  stickler,  looking for perfection

2. The pleaser,  gaining acceptance and affection, a rescuer

3. The hyper-achiever, performance means self-respect, external success driven

4. The victim, inwardly focused, blames others, seeks attention, gives up easily

5. The hyper-rational, data driven, arrogant, without feelings, aloof

6. The hyper-vigilant, anxious, always on guard, doubt filled, suspicious

7. The restless, seeking something better, busyness, rarely at peace, scattered, lacks focus.

8. The controller, desire to take charge and control situations, impatient

9. The avoider,  puts off challenging tasks, passive-aggressive behavior.

Which one do you hear most often?  Which one is the loudest?

Change happens when you are able to quiet the voice of the saboteur and listen to the voice of the sage.

be mindful

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
— Christian D. Larson

Practice relaxing your mind so that you can be present to the world around you.

In the busyness of life it is easy to get caught in the maelstrom of noise that surrounds you.  Take time to step away from the noise and relax your mind.

Mindfulness or meditation can take just a few minutes of time each day.  As little as five minutes of meditation can restore energy, clear up negative thinking and improve decision-making.   When life is just too busy, stop, and take a break, your mind will appreciate creating a quiet space for you.

You can find out how to meditate here.

positive intelligence … what is your score?

“People forget they have options. And they forget that those things don’t really matter. They should concentrate on what they have and not what they don’t have. And by the way, wishing and dreaming doesn’t mean concentrating on what you don’t have, its positive thinking that encourages hoping and believing, not whining and moaning.”
― Cecelia Ahern

Have you heard the voice of the critic?   It’s a voice that says “You’re not good enough”  or “who are you to do this?”.   It is a voice that diminishes your potential and success in life.   Have you heard this voice lately?

Inside all of us is a little voice that criticizes, complains, whines and tells us we aren’t able.   For some, all they  hear is the voice of the saboteur and it stops them from making progress in their life, career, relationships and more.  Learning how to manage the voice and shift it from negative to positive can greatly alter how you experience life.

Do you want to know to what degree that voice is influencing your life?   Take the Positive Intelligence Assessment and find out.   It only takes a few minutes of time and will give you an idea of where your energy is going.    Simply click the link and register and take a two quick assessments (for FREE).   Knowing where your energy is going, to what voices you are listening to will help you understand what changes you can make today to live a better life.

Here,  find out more about Positive Intelligence, listen to Shirzad explain what it is about.

breaking free

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“Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.” ― Andrea Gibson You can taste the fragrance of fall as leaves fill with color and float to the … Continue reading →

Competence or confidence

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
― Paulo Coelho

Confidence or competence …

Getting the right job and staying in the right job requires two things, confidence and competence.   Confidence comes from practice and all too often people expect great things without practice.    Practice build competence and competence builds confidence when there is positive feedback, when there is success in the practice.

Take a look at the Olympic athletes they made the Olympic team after hours and hours, weeks and weeks of practice and competition.     Practice builds competence and then confidence follows when the practice is reviewed and evaluated.   Find out what you learned after each practice session.   Find out what worked well and what could be improved.

To build confidence and competence start out with an objective. What is it that you want to get better at? What would allow you to have a better career, a better relationship, a better image of yourself, a better financial situation or a better life. What is it that you are willing to work on so that you can start getting the results you want?

Objective. What will need to change? What new skills will you need? What improvements in the skills that you already have? Identify what it is and then figure out what it will take to move you to the level you desire to be at. If it is losing weight then look at the objective and decide what will get you to the desired weight. Is it eating less? Is it more exercise? Is it having someone hold you accountable to your goals? Or is it someone who is willing to share the experience with you, someone who will cheer you on?

Practice.  This is the doing part of the process. It is the hard work and it takes discipline and effort to get results.  Be patient and be consistent.

Feedback.   After you practice evaluate what you are learning.   Improve what you are practicing by honest fair feedback about the progress you are making.  What small changes can you make to improve the results of your practice.

Competence.  Over time you’ll notice that you are getting better that you are getting small but consistent improvements and moving towards your goal.  You are getting more and more competent.

Confidence.  With competence comes confidence.  Confidence gives a feeling of “I can”.   With more practice it the confidence is bigger than “I can” it is automatic.   It turns into unconscious competence.   You no longer have to think about what you are doing, it is automatic, it is part of your being, the unshakable knowledge that you can do it consistently.

Here’s a talk that helps you see that picture of confidence.  Take a look.

the Zone

“You’re right in the work, you lose sense of time, you’re completely enraptured, you’re completely caught up in what you’re doing … there’s no future or past, it’s just an extended present in which you’re making meaning …”  Mark Strand

What does it mean to be in the “zone”?    For some it is a magical experience where time seems to stand still and the mind and body are fused in harmony.   Some would call it the perfect moment a synchronous dance between the external world and your internal world.   Athletes are in the zone when they are at their peak in terms of experience, this harmony, or flow, or being in the zone often produces great results.

The key ingredients to getting into the zone include:

1. A clear goal

2. Activity that provides feedback

3. A focus that becomes intense.

The idea is to achieve a balance between anxiety (fear of failure) and not being challenged enough (the goal is too easy).   Somewhere between failure and challenge is the zone, a zone of mental harmony and maximum results.

 Some athletes prepare to get into the zone by using visualization techniques.  

“We have all experienced times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration”, writes Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi the author of the book, “Flow”.      Getting into that experience even for a short amount of time is a worthy experience.   Staying in that experience for a long period of time proves to be a challenge.   The zone is a space between challenge and ability and as the ability increases there is a shift out of the zone.   If the challenge increases without a corresponding increase in ability then there is too much tension to stay in the zone.

The zone is a place of harmony, appropriate challenge, the right frame of mind and sufficient capability to maintain the experience.

When have you been in the zone?

What was it like to be in the zone?

What kept you in the zone?

The zone is emphasized in sport, but what about other areas of life and how do you get into the zone?

 

reinvention … you … your organization …

“People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, fitting in instead of standing out.’

Warren G. Bennis

Reinvent yourself.    There is no denying that the rate of change for organizations are changing fast, yet many of our processes and principles rely on methods that are old, very old in an age of exponential growth.

In many cases we are using principles and processes that were developed for the industrial age and many  of those processes are outdated.   Organizations are struggling to find their identity in a time of unprecedented change.  

The old ways are indeed the old ways.   New ways of thinking and acting are required today and certainly for the future.  Gary Hamel a leader in business thinking has some suggestions on how organizations need to change.

After looking at the model Gary Hamel explores, what do you think you need to do to keep pace in the world we live in today?  

1. Adaptability – new ideas, new methods, new processes are informing organizations and people on how to act and thrive in an ever changing world.  How adaptable are you?

2. Resilience – the ability to respond to events quickly and without becoming overly emotionally constrained.  When change occurs are you quick to respond or do you find yourself trapped in the past?

3. Outlook – what does your future look like, are you focused on the past or on what you can do today?

4. Social Intuition – I notice people their actions and emotions or people blend into the environment and I don’t notice them.   What do you notice about the people around you?   Are they visible and important or invisible and unimportant?

5. Being self-aware -  Who are you?   Do you really know the answer?  Are you open to finding out?

6. Attention -  I have the ability to put my energy into the right thing at the right time or my energy is scattered and little gets accomplished.   Where are you putting your attention?

 Organizations implement processes that support their key goals.  Anyone who is a part of an organization needs to have personal processes that support their activity in that organization.   If you are finding yourself mimicking patterns of the past and struggling to adapt to the new organizational landscape then what things do you want to change so that you can contribute to a larger measure?

Reinvention isn’t something that others or organizations do, it is something you do to respond to fast change.   Practice being more adaptable, resilient, generating a positive outlook, being aware of others, being self-aware and putting your attention into the things that are the most important.  

Practice reinventing yourself.   Here take a look at what reinvention can do in organziations.

Joy – The responsibility equation

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”   Albert Ellis

Joy, what is it?

Is joy happiness?   Is joy the sustained sense of well-being that we experience when our needs are met and some of our wants are met?   Is joy a sense of contentment in the midst of all of life’s circumstances?

Some people would say that joy has no definition, it is a state of mind that defies description.   It is a feeling that is different for every person.    Let’s look at an example, two stewardesses on a plane with basically the same job, the same pay, the same circumstances and yet one is happy and the other is grumpy.    The conditions on the plane are the same for both stewardesses, yet one is happy and the other isn’t.   What is the difference?

Where does joy come from?    Does joy come from things outside of you?    Joy seems to be manufactured by the interpretation of the situation you  see yourself in right now.   If you find yourself being anxious, upset, worried, fretting, angry, or depressed about how things are in your life there will be little space for joy.   If you find yourself at peace with what you have and where you are in life right now then you’ll probably sense some joy and happiness.

The difference it seems between feeling joy and not having joy is about taking responsibility for joy.   If you take 100% responsibility for your life then you will start experiencing more joy in your life.   Responsibility means that you are doing all that you can to create the outcomes you want in life for you.   It means that you are giving more, you are more concerned with others than yourself.  It means that you give with the expectation of getting nothing in return.

For many people getting more stuff provides some level of increased happiness yet that only lasts a short amount of time.   Hedonic adaptation takes over and that new car, new home, new bike, new clothes, or new something only has a short impact on happiness.      So while new things provide momentary happiness that happiness dissolves within a relatively short amount of time and as a result there is an increased sense of dissatisfaction which increases the pressure to get a happiness fix.

The responsibility equation replaces those momentary happiness fixes with a sense of long-lasting joy.   That is taking 100% responsibility for all things, giving more and doing more.   Think about it, what would living the 100/0 equation do for you?

Take a look:

Grow

“Don’t go through life, grow through life.”  Eric Butterworth

When did you stop growing?   How many books do you read a year?   How many educational events do you attend each year?   What are you doing to grow your personal brand?

For many people just getting through the day is enough, never mind adding more to it, more to do, more to learn, it is just too much for some.    In the world we live in today, just relying on what you know today isn’t going to be enough to allow you to compete in a fast changing economic and social structure.   Change is happening faster than ever before and for some people it is just too much.

How do you start on a journey of growth?   Perhaps you can start by doing something just for a few days, like 30.

What does it take to GROW?

1. Understand what you want?   Have a Goal.

2. Assess your current situation, understand your Reality.

3. Look at your Options.   What is available to you?  Or, what could you do?

4. Make a commitment, what Will you do?

Maybe you’re not the kind of person who likes to set 30 day goals and just trying something for 30 days.   If there is something you want to do  then start now.   Do it for 7 days and see how it feels and then do it for another 7 days.

For example.  Read a book.   Find a book you’d like to read.  Turn off the TV, and read for 7 days straight.   Read a little, read a lot.   Just find time to read each day.   Your imagination will be strengthened, your time will be invested rather than used up.

Turn off the News.   What have you found on the news that helps you to live a better life.   If you are like most people all you heard was that there were all kinds of problems happening in your part of the world.   The news wants to create the illusion that the world is a bad place to be.   Turn off the news and take the time to learn something new, or do something new.   Perhaps take up a hobby,  and create something.   Write a letter to a friend that you haven’t written to in a while.   Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t talked to recently.  Use the time to connect to people rather than “listening” to what has happened.

What do you think?

Are you willing to GROW?   What is your GROWth plans for the next 30 days?

“No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it.”   Richard Bach