Daily Archives: August 28, 2010

quit the blame game

You’ve seen them, you’ve heard them and you’ve been one.    A blamer, a person who shifts the emotional energy of disappointment to another person or thing, to get out of range of the person who’s inquiry is stirring a negative emotion.

Blaming is a form of judgment on another person or thing.   It robs energy from what could be a positive discussion.   “Who is at fault?” announces someone and to a group or an individual.   No one wants to stand up and say “it was me” and feel the negative energy shift towards them.   Who really wants to take up blame and own it?   Not many do.   Why is that?

For a minute imagine a place where there was no blame, a place where comments or issues could be brought up and looked at objectively and then resolved, and no blame.    It takes a high level of maturity and a non-judgmental attitude to create an environment that is that safe.    It takes an environment where issues are worked on rather than affixing any type of blame.   Why is that important?

Every day you can see a headline where someone is being blamed for something, or an organization is being blamed for not taking the right steps.   Someone will inevitably get fired, reprimanded and have a letter written up and placed in their employee record that explains what they did wrong.   What did that solve?

In most instances the issue of blame is not attached to the intention of the event that causes the poor outcome.   A decision was made, perhaps with incorrect information, an assumption, or not enough analysis to produce a correct decision.   The inquiry is usually about affixing blame on an individual rather than the underlying system that permitted the fault in the first place.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. “  Albert Ellis

What would happen if blame disappeared?   What would you do then?