don’t you wish

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.”   Richard Bach

Wishes … wishes …more wishes …

I wish I had a new job.

I wish I had a new car.

I wish I had more money.

I wish I could go on vacation.

I wish I could have _______________   (fill in the blank).

What are you wishing for?

What would you do if you could find a way to make those wishes come true for you?   What would it feel like to find a new job, to patch a relationship, to earn more money?   Not through some quick fix program that promises more than could ever sound real, like how to be a millionaire in a few easy steps.

Getting results for you comes at a price and that price is commitment to a goal, a passion to improve and a desire to the real work that is necessary.  All to often people are looking for a quick way to get to their goals and the real answer is that it takes work and time.   There is no “secret” answer to success.  There is no “secret” formula that will make you rich.   Darren Hardy wrote this,  “No matter what your past has been, you have a spotless future.”, and that summarizes everyone’s future potential.

If you are wishing for something then start taking steps towards making that wish come true.   What steps would it take?  What new skills would it take?  What would it cost to get your wishes to come true?   Taking a realistic, objective and introspective look at who you are and what you want to do will start the process of making positive lasting change.

 

Identify,

What do I want to change?

When do I want to make the change?

What are the benefits of the change?

What am I scared of?

I have heard from people this, “When I start to change I always go back to where I was before and it looks like the same old thing.   Time after time I have tried to change and I get nowhere, what do I do then?”   It is frustrating to start to make a change and end up right back where you started, it is tiring to make attempts that don’t produce results.

I usually ask people what was their level of commitment to the change and how did they follow through with the change.  I ask them who was holding you accountable along the way.   I ask them what small steps that they were taking and how did they celebrate success as they moved forward.   In many cases people don’t celebrate success but they do take time to say, “I am not good enough”, “What an idiot”, “Who did I think I was to attempt change”, I guess I better just quit it’s not going to work anyway”.   Those phrases thought or spoken just pull a person down into a very negative place and that causes most people to quit.

So, what separates a person who does succeed and those that don’t?   The successful people push just a bit harder when the going gets tough.   Successful people work through the challenges and stand firm in the face of resistance.   (It doesn’t mean being foolhardy, it means being strong and creating opportunities to win).

What are you wishing for?   What do you want to do with your wishes?  When will you start making your wishes come true?

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement”  Napolean Hill

treadmill of life

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them. ”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are you running on the right track?   It seems that there are many people who are guessing which direction to go in life.   Some are just getting out of college and are now asking the questions, “where do I go from here?”   Others not quite out of college are asking, “where do I go from here?”

There are adults in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond that are asking those same questions, “Am I on the right path?”   People are asking if they are going in the right direction in large numbers.   There is a general sense of dissatisfaction with life as it is.

There are people who have worked in a job for over 20 years and are now thinking this isn’t worth the price I pay to do this.   The stress is overwhelming, the pace is dragging people down and there are manager’s who are still living in yesterday’s paradigm and haven’t made the leap to leadership.

Disengaged, disenfranchised, lost, confused and wandering seems to be the story so many people are writing these days.   As the commercial says, “Want to get away?”, and there are many people who just want to get away.

What can you do if you are on a path that isn’t bringing you any joy or happiness?

Here are two ways to look at the problem.

1. Decide what you really want to do and do it.
2. Make the best of what you have now, make a choice to be happy.

Let’s talk about happiness for just a few minutes.

About 60% of our happiness comes from our genetic makeup and  our circumstances.  The remaining 40% comes from our choices.    That is if we can take the reins of our own thoughts we have the ability to create our happiness.  The belief that someone else can make you happy is an erroneous one, it is your choice to be happy or not.

Happy people choose to be grateful for what they have even in difficult circumstances.  People who are happiest tend to exercise, diet and get the right amount of sleep.

When I work with people with ADHD/ADD one of the things that comes up is their dissatisfaction with their current situation.  It is too stressful, too overwhelming,  and there are too many interruptions.    Inattention to what needs to be done is a stress point for people with ADHD and that alone lowers their happiness.   While most people can focus on a single thought, people with ADHD have a tendency to lose focus quickly and jump from thought to thought especially if there is any gap in what they are doing (listening to people speak is one of them,  slow speakers allow the thought of an ADHD person to wander away).    In other words the ADHD symptoms impact happiness and it takes more effort for those with ADHD see the greater happiness in their lives.

The point is if you aren’t happy with where you are in life you do have a choice.   You can make the choice to be happy in the current circumstances or you can change the circumstances.

What treadmill are you on?   Will you make a choice to be happy or do you want to make a change and find happiness?

Where do you want to run to?   What are you hoping to find?

 

quiet desperation … overwhelmed?

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. ”  Henry David Thoreau

I was working with a person who described his life as a constant state of being overwhelmed.   There was work to be done a long list of things that could be, should be done and yet the action needed to make that list go down wasn’t happening, it was overwhelming.    Have you experienced a sense of being overwhelmed at some point in your life or is it a daily occurrence?

The sense of being overwhelmed is a characteristic of those who have ADHD/ADD symptoms.   Lists become too large, the disorganization too much and finally the feelings of being overwhelmed take over and stop progress.   When an ADHD person reaches their tolerance for getting the list done activity halts  (the brain can’t focus on just one thing but shifts around and around and around the many things that have to be done and nothing gets done) as the mind tries to make sense of the things that need to get done.    It becomes a frustrating and upsetting process to know that there are things to be done and all you see are the  things  that aren’t getting done.   For some people that constant inability to get things done leads to depression or withdrawal.   People in work situations people with ADHD experience the stress of meetings, deadlines, and the list of things that should have been done yesterday and can become overwhelmed.

One way to create balance and focus in each day is to break down the list of things that “need” to be done into three categories.   Get a sheet of paper and  create 5 columns,  one for date, a done column and a minimum, acceptable and ideal column.

– Minimum column:  What is the minimum that needs to be done today.  These are high priority items that need to get done today.   If you get these things done today you will have had a “good” day.  This is the minimum to get done.

– Acceptable column:  If things are going good and you get the things done on the minimum column the items in this column are ways to improve the outcome for the day.   It would be great to get these things done and getting these done would allow you to feel successful in terms of accomplishments.

– Ideal column:   This column would contain items that you would really like to get done and it would take a day where things just clicked and the mind stayed focused and interruptions were minimal.   If you accomplished this amount of work you would have an “outstanding day”.   If you don’t get these things done it doesn’t mean the day was bad or not a good day, this is what could get done if your day was ideal.

Each day separate the items into the three columns “Minimum”, “Acceptable” and “Ideal”.   If you are successful in getting the work done in any of the columns create some reward mechanism that you will give a sense of accomplishment (healthy snack, a short break, 5 minutes of meditation).   Yes, celebrate success.   Getting things done is great, and rewarding that effort is an important part of the process as well.  Perfectionists would tend to think that the only way to get through the day would be to get all the items on all three lists done and if they didn’t they would believe they didn’t have enough on the list (is that true, perfectionists?).

AIM to make each day ideal but be happy to get the minimum done.

Each day produce this chart and before you start the day define what has to get done vs. what would make an ideal day in terms of output.   Make the lists realistic.    Estimate the amount of time it will take to do the tasks and then prioritize the tasks in terms of energy required to complete the task.  If the task is something you don’t want to do, get that done first.   Get the hard things out of the way.  Why?   Most people have more energy early in the day and have more time to focus.   Find a period of time that you can focus 100% of your effort on getting the work done, preferably when there are no distractions.    Create a new list each day don’t just pull from the previous day’s list unless it is necessary for those things to get done.

If you happen to have ADHD,  getting your day organized is usually one of the biggest challenges.   If you just charge off into the day and “do” things you may be doing things that aren’t important.   If you just sit there and look at how much has to get done and get overwhelmed then that isn’t going to help you be successful either.    For ADHD people an organized assault on each day is necessary.   It takes practice and diligence (a difficult commodity to find in the ADHD world) to get through each day.

Now, the list has to be somewhere where it is in your face.  It can’t be in a pile or under a pile to be useful.   If you are a computer user (and many people are) get that list right in front of you.   If you aren’t doing the kind of work that is 80% computing work, get a while board and organize it with the columns that are shown in the picture above.   Each day write down the what  needs to get done.   Make sure the whiteboard is in a place you can see and use easily – make it front in center.   If it is in your office make it your task board and don’t cover it over with other materials.   Make it your focal point.    For children with ADHD, a white board may be useful (unless it turns into an art project) if it is in a place where it can be seen and has all the tasks they need to do for the day.

Making it routine.   The hard part for ADHD people is getting lists, or task boards to be part of their regular daily routine.    It has to be “fun” in some way and it has to turn into a habit just like many other daily routines.

Start today – start making the big list into smaller bite sized lists and start celebrating success and feeling better about who you are.

“There are times when we each have only enough strength to complete those assignments that we are fully convinced are important.”  Goethe

when will the pain go away …

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced.  Denied or feared, it grows. ”  Dean Koontz,  Velocity

Pain can be endured, denied it grows.   So many people are enduring pain and it grows each day and life seems to be all about managing pain rather than living with happiness.   Some people only see pain and nothing much else.

Not long ago I had a conversation with a person who believed the world was totally against her.   Her friends weren’t being friends.   Her life was in shambles and everything looked hopeless.   There was no energy to change.  Misery felt like a safe place because the thought of change was even more miserable.   “What if I failed again”, might be the words that would be uttered.   “Who cares about me?” and “There is nothing for me here?” .

What is your world like?   What are you experiencing?   Are you looking at the world in a  hopeful positive way or is it a world that seems to be pushing in on your very being with relentless pressure.

Emotional pain is something everyone faces and it is a matter of  how that pain is dealt with that makes a difference.

Emotional pain can be seen in all facets of daily life, anger, violence, withdrawal, grief, sadness and living as a victim.

One of the tools for addressing emotional pain is EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques.   This is a simple, no cost method, of reducing or eliminating emotional suffering.   The method works with a variety of emotional issues.   It works for most people.  Those with severe emotional trauma the recommendation is to seek professional guidance before trying EFT.    EFT is something to look at if you have been dealing with emotional issues for a long time.

For parents with children with ADHD, EFT may offer a simple quick way of managing the ADHD symptoms.   While EFT isn’t a cure for ADHD it may prove effective when many other forms of ADHD management haven’t.

Where would you rate the emotional pain level in your life on scale of 1 – 10, 1 = none or very little to 10 = extreme?    If you are experiencing emotional pain above a 6 you may want to seek some help.   At the minimum consult with a professional and see if there are some techniques that will help you reduce your emotional burden.

How have you managed emotional pain?

 

 

 

going confidently

“The kind of commitment I find among the best performers across virtually every field is a single-minded passion for what they do,
an unwavering desire for excellence  in the way they think and the way they work.  Genuine confidence is what launches you out of bed in the morning,
and through your day with a spring in your step.” Jim Collins

CONFIDENCE

The lack of confidence may be the number one roadblock for achieving the success you desire.   Sometimes it feels like a lack of motivation, lack of energy or a lack of desire, but digging a bit deeper it turns out there is usually a lack of confidence that is stopping success.

Lack of personal confidence may look like:

1. I am not good enough
2. I am not loved
3. My job is terrible
4. I weigh too much
5. My life is a mess
6. I should get organized
7. I need to exercise
8. Everyone hates me

The lack of confidence shows up most often as victim talk.  What is being said is often filled with “should”, “ought”, “need”, “have to”,”not”, “can’t”,”could”, “would”, or words that point back to another source outside of you.

A victim is controlled by the environment, a confident person controls the environment with their actions and words.

Some people are more susceptible to creating an internal world that doesn’t allow them to feel confident.   People with ADHD/ADD tend to see themselves in a negative light.   People who have received very little positive feedback feel that they are not “good enough”.   People who have lived in abusive situations, especially where they thought they were the cause of the abuse think less of themselves.

In most cases the lack of confidence isn’t true for the individual.  Thomas Edison fought through failure after failure before he reached the formula that led to a light bulb  that worked well.    Abraham Lincoln faced many setbacks in his career and yet he pushed forward always picking himself up after each defeat.  Confidence.

Of course if it was easy to go from unconfident to confident in 15 minutes everyone would be very confident.    Self-help books have all the information for someone who desires to become more confident achieve results yet less than 3% of people make lasting change through self-help books.  One reason for that is it takes more than words in a book to affect change.    It takes a sincere desire and a plan that includes some level of weekly accountability.

Lack of confidence isn’t about ability.  Most people are capable and able but they don’t believe that they are capable and everything they hear from others confirms to them they aren’t able.   This is the case of seeing what we are looking for(negative confirmation) and instead of seeing what we have accomplished we focus on what we haven’t been able to do.   If we make two steps forward and slip back one we conclude that we are a failure.   Is that really the case?

Take any high level athlete and watch them perform, they make the sport that they are in look easy.   What we don’t see is the many failures, the many times that they have  fallen and picked themselves up and continued on.

What can you do to build confidence?

1. Think positively about yourself
2. Take charge of your emotions (own them)
3. Believe you are capable
4. Practice, get up and practice some more.
5. Encourage someone (build others up)
6. Be aware of your emotions
7. Take compliments and be thankful for them
8.  Take criticisms and learn from them (what is it really about?)

In many cases it is the lack of confidence that inhibits people from taking the very actions they desire.   Make today the day that you will push through the barriers.

Henry Thoreau said, Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”, so why not start now.   Start taking the actions you need to take to move towards your dreams.

 

If you struggle with being accountable and achieving the goals you desire perhaps having a coach would help you reach your intended goal.

Make today the day you will go confidently into your world.

living with greater transparency

“Transparency means radical authenticity, free from ego defenses and impure motives. It’s the ultimate challenge to the ego. You could sit on a meditation cushion until you dropped dead and never have your capacity for radical transparency tested. The real test, for all of us, is in relationship. Come together. When there’s radical transparency and the ego steps aside, each single individual in that extraordinary collective context has access to the power and depth and clarity of the enlightened mind. And that’s when enlightenment really starts to take on new meaning and significance for us all.”  Andrew Cohen

What does transparency in life mean?
What does lack of transparency cost?

Like the iceberg most people only expose a small amount of who they really are.    Being transparent is being honest, it is being authentic, it is being genuine, and it is being open.   That may sound like a lot to do, to be transparent, to be real.

Transparency matters in any relationship and without it trust erodes and when people hide more and more of themselves  they eventually destroying the relationship.   For some there is a belief that if they hide just one thing no one will ever know and that they can keep this secret to themselves.   As Rep. Weiner found out transparency (being honest, being forthright, being open) is important.

What does the transparent leader look like?

or

What does the transparent man or woman look like?

Maybe it looks like,

a. Acknowledge any mistake, find out what the lesson is.
b. Examine what there is to learn from a mistake or misjudgment.
c. Recover from the mistake gracefully, and make things right.
d. Forgive  yourself, let go of the past.
e. Let it go.   Mistakes happen, learn, recover, let go.

What would it mean to others to say, “I made a mistake”?

What would it mean to others to say, ” I am here to listen not to judge”?

Transparency lets others see what is below the surface, it lets them see who you really are.   Transparency is stronger than the fear of revealing any flaw or crack you may have in your character.   The person who is transparent will be stronger than those that aren’t, because when everyone can see who you are and there is nothing to hide there is also nothing to expose.

People who come to a coach want to work through an issue so that they can move forward have to be willing to be transparent.   Being open, being honest and being vulnerable allows the client to grow.    When a client knows they won’t be judged for being transparent it means that they are  free to get to the core issue that is stopping them from achieving their goals.

Being transparent allows you to grow.

What is the lack of transparency costing you?

 

“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”  Maya Angelou

 
 

find your strengths

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.” . . .  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

It seems more and more people are going to work in disguise.   That is they are going there and using their weaknesses or just suffering through the day and work isn’t fun.  It could be bad management/leadership but more often than not people are in jobs they shouldn’t be in.   Work shouldn’t be painful to do, it should be engaging and even fun.   Work should be “hard” but not “hard to do”.

The experts would say, use your strengths and so often we don’t get to use our strengths each day most of the time.   We get to use our strengths some of the time and when we are not using our strengths it is like someone just stole all your energy.   You tend to feel drained and incomplete when you don’t get to use your strengths.

Marcus Buckingham, probably the lead “strengths” guru, has found that using your strengths matter.   Now what do most people do then?  They focus on what they aren’t good at and beat themselves up over it or their manager says, “Here, you can improve on this”, and “this” is your set of weaknesses.  How do you feel working on your weaknesses?   You are probably not too energized about improving your weakness.

What if you could strengthen your strengths?   Wouldn’t that be energizing, to work on what you love to do, of course it would.   We don’t live in  a society where working on what you are good at is emphasized that much unless you are an athlete and then you are working with a coach to refine the goodness of your strengths.

So, what do you do?  How do you find the strengths that you already have?

1.  List what you are naturally good at.

2. Check to see if you are using those strengths/gifts/talents most of the time.

3. Examine where you could put your strengths to use.

4. Create a plan, a strengths based utilization plan.

5. Execute the plan and see what happens, measure the results, measure the effort, measure the joy.

What if you can’t figure out your strengths?  There are a couple of ways to do that.    Martin Seligman has a website which has a free strengths test on it and you can start looking there.   You can purchase a copy of Strengths 2.0 by Tom Rath and use the code inside the cover of the book to take the Gallup version of the Strengths test.

Take the first step and find out what you are really good at.   Then create a plan so that you can be the best you can be.  You will be happier in the long run when you are living a life that is congruent with your strengths.

“Always remember, there is more strength in you than you ever realized or even imagined. Certainly nothing can keep you down if you are determined to get on top of things and stay there.” Norman Vincent Peale

stuck in a career with no place to go …

Are you stuck where you are?

“Organizations often spend too much time watching the scoreboard and not enough time watching the ball. Blanchard^® research shows that 50% of organizations focus on dashboards and metrics when they should be focusing on creating and improving employee passion. A focus on numbers and productivity without a comparable focus on—and understanding of—what motivates each individual can undermine an organization’s efforts to boost employee productivity and employee work passion.

There are both distinct and subtle clues to understanding organizational productivity. Metrics such as sick days, decreased revenue, and defect rates are easily measured, but the subtleties of productivity can be harder to read. In organizations where employee work passion is high, people willingly exert discretionary effort. They talk positively about the organization to friends and family. They support their colleagues without it being a required part of their job. They are loyal. And they intend to stay with the organization, perform well, and inspire others.”    (from the Ken Blanchard Organization)

It is no wonder that so many people feel like the work they do doesn’t matter.  The effort and focus is on measuring things and leaving out the most important thing, people.   Of course there are organizational results that truly matter to the success of the business and those things shouldn’t be left to chance, but how often are those measures obscuring what really needs to be understood, how engaged are the employees in the work that they are doing?   Measuring productivity and orders and profits are  important, and so is the heartfelt engagement of each person.   Companies that want to improve bottom line results just need to care for their employees.   Now, some would say, “we do care”, we have benefits, they get a paycheck, they get a vacation, employees get all these things from us and what do they do, they don’t do their best.

There are many companies where manager’s are managing as if were 1920 and Frederick Taylor was designing the work day.   Extrinsic motivation which was the popular mode of squeezing more out of an employee is an outmoded form of management.  Not that it isn’t needed at all, it is just that it is needed far less than what it was.   The new leadership model includes intrinsic motivation and the prime method of encouraging employees.  Companies could benefit greatly, improve their bottom line, improve their competitiveness, and improve results by improving employee engagement.

What kind of company do you work for?  Is it encouraging you, empowering you, allowing you the autonomy you need to produce your best results?    When 84% of people surveyed believe they need to be doing something different then most people are not feeling empowered to make the difference they could make.

If your company is filled with people who are working at less than their potential then “coaching” is one tool that can improve the bottom line.  See if your company’s management would be open to improving their bottom line.

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”  Pema Chödrön

you can overcome it …

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make the better.  What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn?  What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice.  Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are you a risk taker?

What was it like the first time you did something?   Were you excited or afraid?    What did you think would happen?

For some people it is the first time standing on the edge of a diving board.   It is that uneasy feeling of the board moving up and down and perhaps it is the fear of the unknown, not knowing what will happen that petrifies many people before they take that first leap.     Push the board down and it propels you upward and then it retreats while your feet lose contact with the board surface and by propelling yourself forward you clear the end of the board.    With arms and legs flailing about and the body in free fall towards the water the next challenge is getting into the water without hitting the water broadside.    Kersplash …  the next part is getting back above the surface of the water and in a few seconds your head breaks through and with one big gulp of air you realize you made it and a sense of relief passes through the body.

Getting to the end of the diving board for the first time and making the decision to leap, jump or dive was an experience that only happens once.  Once the event is over it is either safe to do it again or not.   For most people the experience is worth repeating again and again.    After a few tires then experimenting and doing new launches off the board seems OK, fear now become excitement.

It was a risk to make that first jump at least it felt risky.  How did you get there?

1. You made a decision (ok, I am ready, I am going to do it)
2. You anticipated the event  (increased heart rate)
3. You took action (overcame the internal resistance)
4. You observed the results (it was better than you thought)
5. Your confidence increased (it was safe, go do it again)

If you go back to that very first time, you may have watched a friend go jump off of the diving board and as they were “in the air” they yelled “come try it, it’s fun!”) and as you watched you were thinking “maybe it is or I’m not so sure it will work for me” and it may have been a moment where all you could respond with “No, it doesn’t look like fun and I have to go”.   A quick risk reduction step,  an excuse to do something else, so that you wouldn’t have to take that first step.

You left the swimming pool and walked away, not taking that change, or risk to leap off the diving board into the cool water.  You missed having the fun of flying into the air and landing with a splash of laughter and joy, thinking next time I’ll try, next time I’ll jump into the air and experience what looks like to be so much fun, only if it weren’t so scary.

Not long ago I was talking with someone who wanted to make a change but was afraid of taking that step.   Fear gripped his words, ”  I’d like to but  (notice the but) I’m not sure it will work”, and so in a moment of indecision backed off, and  retreated to a place that felt  safer.   It was like walking away from the pool knowing that everyone else was having fun but that first jump, that first dive, just looked like it was too risky to take, maybe next time.

What are you waiting for, next time?

What is your risk taking score?

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  Anaïs Nin

6 stages of change

“Surely there is something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes our little anxieties and doubts; the sight of the deep-blue sky and the clustering stars above seems to impart a quiet to the mind.” Jonathan Edwards

For many people the thought of change is something that pulls them back into the closet of darkness.  Not so much the thought of making a change but making change happen.   Change invokes fear, a kind of fear that increases stress to the point of creating anger, grief, sadness or even withdrawal.   Think about it, when was the last time you were asked to change how did it feel?

So, where does change start?  For some people change starts with someone else making a change.   That’s right someone else needs to change more than you need to change.   It sounds like “If that other person would change I would feel a lot better”, or “If they asked me first about the change I would tell them what should have been done”.     People in this early change phase are really acting like victims, unable to control themselves they desire to control others and blame others when things go wrong.   You might know some people who are constantly blaming others and circumstances for their feelings.     This phase of change is called precontemplation, a place of denial.   Why me?   “Look over there, look at that.”   Someone in precontemplation wants anything but to talk about change, especially personal change.

“I don’t know how”, or “Something is stopping me”, these people are in the stage known as contemplation and while they can acknowledge that they should change they are only thinking about change.    There is a restless energy about making a change, a feeling of unease and dissatisfaction, but not enough energy to actually start the change process.    It is almost like having packed for a trip with a planned destination but no ticket to get there.    Here they are standing at the curb, bags packed, ready and waiting to go.    Someday they will actually make the trip, it is anybody’s guess when that will happen.   Have you experienced this phase in your life?   Maybe you are there right now.

When people are ready to make a change they are putting more focus on the solution to their problem than the problem itself.   There is a marked energy increase but not enough to actually implement change.   These people are fence sitters, they are ready to jump but not quite.   This is a place where the thought of “what will happen to me” frequently enter the thought stream.   “What if it doesn’t work then what?”     People in the preparation phase may make small steps but not enough to make a real change.

Eventually the desire is greater than the pain of staying in place.   The action phase is where people make a commitment to changing their behavior.    So, in a burst of activity the individual starts taking steps and making progress towards change.    Great progress is being made and then, and then it stops.   The change has been going well but suddenly the lack of outside encouragement to push through the change is missing or disappears.   The action phase can cause burnout if there isn’t someone who can act as a cheerleader in the change process.    For those who maintain the energy to move forward change will happen.

For those who make the behavioral change and have passed that initial burst of energy required to make the change the next phase is the maintenance phase.  As important as the change is maintaining the new habit is important or it is possible that the change will reverse and the old habit will come back. You’ve probably seen this happen many times yourself.   People will go on a diet and lose a lot of weight and then before long that weight comes back.  Without a strong maintenance phase reversal is possible.

With effort and positive reinforcement people transition into the final phase or termination.  When people reach this phase the behavioral change is permanent and is the habit.

Organizations that are trying to create change need to be aware that people transition through the  phases at different rates.   It is easy for leaders who have contemplated and pushed for change to grow weary of the change effort and forget about reinforcing the change and helping people move through action to maintenance.    Organizations that fail to provide strong reinforcement programs that are positive and reassuring will end up falling back into the previous behaviors.

Too often organizations fail to realize how large some changes are and the impact change can have on its employees.   Businesses may assume that everyone is going to grab hold of the change initiative and move right into action.    Leaders or managers will be asked to ensure that the change happens quickly and if it doesn’t blame the individual contributors for not taking the change seriously.

People who are dealing with significant changes in their lives may have external events put before them that push them into the precontemplation stage.     Changes in career, life circumstances, major moves, death, illness or other high stress events push many people into the precontemplation phase.  Moving out of precontemplation requires shifting the energy towards the positive, lots of encouragement and plenty of success stories need to be used as an intrinsic motivator.

Each phase of change requires different incentives and rewards so that falling back into previous patterns can be avoided.  Again, organizations need to properly manage change as people will not all be in the same phase.  Mixing the incentives and messages to align with each stage a person is going through should be considered.

Where are you stuck?   What changes are you avoiding?   What is it costing you not to change?   What are the benefits of not changing?

The change process

1. Precontemplation

2. Contemplation

3. Preparation

4. Action

5. Maintenance

6. Termination

If change seems daunting to you, find someone who can work with you through the change.   Friends aren’t always the best people to support your change effort because of their emotional connection to you.   Try finding someone who isn’t going to judge you during the change and someone who can support you through the change.

What are you thinking about changing?   Write them down and identify each stage of change you are in.

 

For more information, read “Changing for Good”  Prochask, Norcross & Diclemente (1994)

Love is the biggest eraser there is. Love erases even the deepest imprinting because love goes deeper than anything. If your childhood imprinting was very strong, and you keep saying: “It’s their fault. I can’t change,” you stay stuck. Louise Hay