“The kind of commitment I find among the best performers across virtually every field is a single-minded passion for what they do,
an unwavering desire for excellence in the way they think and the way they work. Genuine confidence is what launches you out of bed in the morning,
and through your day with a spring in your step.” Jim Collins
The lack of confidence may be the number one roadblock for achieving the success you desire. Sometimes it feels like a lack of motivation, lack of energy or a lack of desire, but digging a bit deeper it turns out there is usually a lack of confidence that is stopping success.
Lack of personal confidence may look like:
1. I am not good enough
2. I am not loved
3. My job is terrible
4. I weigh too much
5. My life is a mess
6. I should get organized
7. I need to exercise
8. Everyone hates me
The lack of confidence shows up most often as victim talk. What is being said is often filled with “should”, “ought”, “need”, “have to”,”not”, “can’t”,”could”, “would”, or words that point back to another source outside of you.
A victim is controlled by the environment, a confident person controls the environment with their actions and words.
Some people are more susceptible to creating an internal world that doesn’t allow them to feel confident. People with ADHD/ADD tend to see themselves in a negative light. People who have received very little positive feedback feel that they are not “good enough”. People who have lived in abusive situations, especially where they thought they were the cause of the abuse think less of themselves.
In most cases the lack of confidence isn’t true for the individual. Thomas Edison fought through failure after failure before he reached the formula that led to a light bulb that worked well. Abraham Lincoln faced many setbacks in his career and yet he pushed forward always picking himself up after each defeat. Confidence.
Of course if it was easy to go from unconfident to confident in 15 minutes everyone would be very confident. Self-help books have all the information for someone who desires to become more confident achieve results yet less than 3% of people make lasting change through self-help books. One reason for that is it takes more than words in a book to affect change. It takes a sincere desire and a plan that includes some level of weekly accountability.
Lack of confidence isn’t about ability. Most people are capable and able but they don’t believe that they are capable and everything they hear from others confirms to them they aren’t able. This is the case of seeing what we are looking for(negative confirmation) and instead of seeing what we have accomplished we focus on what we haven’t been able to do. If we make two steps forward and slip back one we conclude that we are a failure. Is that really the case?
Take any high level athlete and watch them perform, they make the sport that they are in look easy. What we don’t see is the many failures, the many times that they have fallen and picked themselves up and continued on.
What can you do to build confidence?
1. Think positively about yourself
2. Take charge of your emotions (own them)
3. Believe you are capable
4. Practice, get up and practice some more.
5. Encourage someone (build others up)
6. Be aware of your emotions
7. Take compliments and be thankful for them
8. Take criticisms and learn from them (what is it really about?)
In many cases it is the lack of confidence that inhibits people from taking the very actions they desire. Make today the day that you will push through the barriers.
Henry Thoreau said, Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”, so why not start now. Start taking the actions you need to take to move towards your dreams.
If you struggle with being accountable and achieving the goals you desire perhaps having a coach would help you reach your intended goal.
Make today the day you will go confidently into your world.