Category Archives: Anger

expectations that meet reality

Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.”  Goethe

Expectations set too high result in anger.  Expectations set too low result in depression.  

It is when personal expectations greatly exceed or are dramatically below expectations that dysfunction occurs.  The expectation gap creates either anger or mild depression depending on the direction of the gap.

Setting expectations more in line with reality creates enough purposeful stress that drives and fuels the desire but does not result in emotional dysfunction that is often released at other people.

Having expectations of others that aren’t met also result in negative stress.  Other people may not have the same expectations and are delivering results according to their reality and view of the world.   If your expectations are not being realized then reset your expectations to reduce your own personal stress.  The other person is unlikely to share your stress or understand what your expectations of them are unless they have agreed to share your expectations.

Are your expectations aligned with reality?   Is the stress level in your life appropriate for you?

ExpectationGap

the art and practice of humility

HEART in coaching with HEART has more meaning than just the word HEART.  HEART means, humility, encouragement, acknowledgement, relationships and trust.

Having HEART means working on those five life essentials daily and it means reflecting on each element and asking the question “Did I perform them well?” In our society standing out is more important than letting others shine.

Wayne Mack writes from his book “Humility” this definition, “… a truly humble person is not arrogant and assuming in his relationship with people”.    The value opposite of humility is pride.  Pride says that “I am” all that is, I am all that others need to see or hear.  In other words pride is putting the center of focus on the individual rather than away from it.

Practicing thankfulness is one way to begin to defeat pride.   Being thankful for all of life including other people is emblematic of those who are humble.   Putting others first in all of life is an act of humility.

Pride says, “I am better than ___________”.   Pride has no room for others.

If pride takes over a person’s life then there is little room for others to share or play a part in that person’s life.  If pride pushes other people away, humility draws other people closer.

The humble person has to be able to manage emotions well, anger, bitterness, impatience, and defeatism all have to be mastered and that takes time and effort.

How would you describe yourself, humble or proud?

Do you have difficulty with pride?

Do you practice humility?

Predictable Patterns

Our humanity rests upon a series of learned behaviors, woven together into patterns that are infinitely fragile and never directly inherited.” Margaret Mead

 

Continuing on with the theme of habits or predictable patterns what do you notice about your day that is totally a result of a pattern in your life?

Are there patterns in your life that are destructive?

For example are there things that just “set you” off, produce anger, irritation or high anxiety?   Can someone say something to you that reminds you of something unpleasant and instead of ignoring it begin to churn inside even to the point of saying something regretful?

We all have patterns in our lives.  Some patterns we should change for the betterment of self.   What patterns do you think you should change?

Some steps to take to figure out what patterns are in your life.

1.    Learn to observe yourself.   What are you doing?   Record it for a week or two.

2.    Which patterns create abundance and flow and which ones end up being criticisms of something or someone?

3.    Which patterns are predictable?   Someone who knows you could say “You will do this when /if _______”

4.    Have someone observe you.   What do they see?   Do you repeat time after time some phrase or action?

Let it go!

What makes you angry?

 Does something that might happen in the future make you angry?

Does something that is happening right this moment make you angry?

Or, does something that has happened in the past make you angry?

What triggers that emotional uprising within that surfaces as anger?

What if you could control the emotional well from bursting forth?

Take a moment to look at what emotional triggers generate anger within you?

Are they things you can control or are they things others control and impose on you? 

What choices can you make when there is a trigger that causes a flare up that causes distress within you?

Who is making the choice to be angry or upset?  

What would it be like to be anger free?  What would it be like to manage anger ?

It is possible with practice to release the emotions of anger gracefully and peacefully.

Take a deep breath …

Get on board! Get on Board!

Get on board!  Get on board!

 

Get on board!  Get on board the train that no one wants to ride on ,

Get on board the train to joy,

Get on board the train to happiness,

Get on board the train to peace,

Get on board the train to freedom,

Get on board the train to beauty,

Get on board the train to truth,

Get on board the train to love,

Get on board the train to life,

Get on board, Get on board, the ticket is free, get on board.

All you have to do is leave behind,

Fear,

Hate,

Greed,

Injustice,

Anger,

Malice,

Destruction,

Cowardice,

Death!

Get on board! Get on board!  The ticket has been paid for.  Get on board!

What are you waiting for?

Frenetic activity

This past week has seen the axis of the world tip.  Financial markets are acting without the rational restraint that is needed to stabilize and slow the relentless activity of selling.  Fear is driving people to make irrational decisions and as that cycle grows the market on which we rely implodes. 

The cycle feeds itself and the vortex shrinks ever tighter expelling rationality all together. 

People are making decisions on the spur of the moment hoping to save what little  they have in a system that has been gratified by greed. 

To break the cycle may be to sit back and not do a thing, just allow the swirling to slow and the debris to settle.   Some will pick through the rubble and begin to rebuild, others will not.  

Our financial markets are not unlike the great storms that pound the shores of this great land.  Some people will choose to rebuild and others will not. 

Often to regain a rational perspective we need to work with someone else.  Working independently is one way to allow the fear to invade the consciousness which can result in a decision being made that is not going to be the best for the long run.

The cycle of relentless intensity suggests that when more is demanded of us that we increase our velocity (activity) and some of that activity will be a reaction to the demand without the requisite understanding of what really needs to be done.  As the pace increases we falter, just as a runner will when running a race without the training to run at the front.   Our minds begin to panic when we realize that we can’t keep the pace and chaos inserts fear into our minds.   With fear, action, any action seems like the right thing to do and the cycle repeats itself.  

What can be done to break the cycle?  What are you doing to break the cycle in your life?

What do you value?  What is important to you today?