Category Archives: authenticity

the inspiration age

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
Paulo Coelho

The industrial age may be dead yet many are still living in that era.   The industrial age lived by the notion of perfectionism.   The industrial age perfected the art of manufacturing reducing defects so that there were the fewest defects possible.    The age of no-defects infected our schools where achievement blocked the door to inspiration and innovation.

To grow is to fail.  In the industrial age to grow meant to not make mistakes.   When the predominant thought and action is to reduce mistakes, to stop mistakes from occurring we limit our ability to grow and learn.

The education system is based on mass production, minimal failure and following a prescribed set of instructions. The mass production mindset must shift to new consumer demands which is based on experience rather than massive quantities of stuff. The era where material goods were supposed to create happiness is coming to a close. What people are demanding now are enjoyable experiences (Look at FarmVille, World of Warcraft, or Angry Birds).  It doesn’t mean that a whole life will be spent in the pursuit of entertainment, it means that the world of work will need to shift to work life of experience rather than mass production.

What does experience based work look like.

1.  Life without cubicles

2. Work without command and control

3. Worth of people over worth of work

4. Flexibility to meet family demands

5.  Gender equality

6. Dynamic work roles  (as opposed to just one job a variety of interesting work)

7. Meaning in the experience

8. Collaborative contribution

9. Dynamic leadership

10. Work becomes play

What do you think the innovation age will bring?   What will work look like?  What will life really be like in a few years?

Look at this model as explained by one of Google’s employees, would it work in the age of innovation?

Living with the shame of “I am not good enough”

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”  Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Give that title of the post some thought.   What is the one thing that has stopped you from living out your life fully?    Is it the inability to admit that you failed or that you could fail?   Is it not being good enough and the fear of letting someone down is paralyzing?

Vulnerability is a key ingredient for trust.   Trust in organizations hides because there isn’t a culture of vulnerability and why should there be vulnerability when you can’t be vulnerable.  We stop short of being vulnerable because we fear what would happen if we were and even if we have permission there is a silent voice in our mind saying “Don’t say another word”  and we hesitate and withdraw our voice and our contribution.    “What if I am not good enough?” and that is what holds so many people at bay.

It is no wonder that 85% of people desire to do something other than what they are currently being paid to do.   What would happen if everyone raised their voice and said, “This isn’t the right job for me … “.    They won’t say it because they don’t have something better to go to and fear holds them back chained to work that sucks the life out of them.     “Who am I … “, and that voice kills innovation, kills creativity, kills excitement and kills contribution, “who am I” to have a voice, to have an idea, to have a dream and to make a difference.

It comes across as “who am I to have a purpose”.    The question “what is your purpose?” most often has a response of “I don’t know.”     Living without purpose  is like being a robot just “doing things” and hoping something good will come of it.   Purpose is the foundation for living a meaningful life.    What crumbles that foundation is the inability to be vulnerable to admit failure, to admit that it wasn’t perfect the first time and to believe that there was fault behind that failure that belonged to you.

Take a look at this video clip from Brene’  Brown, listen to her story, her explanation of what vulnerability is and isn’t and what shame is and how it leads down a path of personal destruction.

So much of what coaching is, is restoring that faith in the person that they are worthy of great things because they have greatness inside.   That greatness has been swallowed up in shame and that keeps vulnerability from doing its work, bringing you to greatness.

Take a look!

And if the video spoke to you or if the words on this page spoke to you then … click on that purple thing just below these words … and vote for your favorite coaching blog.

conviction

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”
― Paulo Coelho

Conviction – a strong belief in a cause.     What are you convicted of?   What are you doing that you believe in so deeply that nothing interferes with getting the result you want.     It takes conviction to plow through difficult circumstances to achieve a noble goal.     It is a quality that not a lot of people have.     We live in  a society where things should be easy, that we should be able to obtain things easily.

What does it take to live a life with conviction?

1. Clarity on what it is you want to do.   Being crystal clear on what your purpose is, on what your goals are and how to realize those goals.   Without clarity, without focus things are blurred and confusing.    Clarity of purpose gives rise to direction.   Seeing as we are goal seeking beings and that happiness flows from achieving goals big or small means that we should focus on “being” and “doing”.

2. Competence, the ability “to do”.   Competence increases your self-esteem.  If you believe you can do it, you probably can.   It may take work and practice to develop the competence you need to get the results you want, so work on developing your skills.   What one thing can you do today to improve your skills?

3. Making it real.   What do you absolutely want to accomplish in your life?  What is stopping you?   What is holding you back from living full-out right now?  List all those reasons, yes, write them all down.   Now look at the list, is it true, is everything reason that you wrote down stopping you from living that life you want to live?

Living with conviction means that there is a way to achieve your goal even in the midst of all the stuff that happens.   It means that it is important to realize that result, whether it is a special trip, a new college degree, a new career, a better relationship or making something better in your life.   If you not convicted that life can be better for you than what will?  It’s your life not someone else’s, it is your choice and it must be your conviction to make that life real for you.

What would you do if it really mattered?

What would it take for you to be convicted to take action for a cause you believed in … you?

In this video clip you’ll learn about a person who was convicted and about another person who was convicted to make a change.   What passion, what energy, what goal can you focus on and achieve?   The one that you totally believe in and one that you are willing to make the right sacrifices to achieve.

Take a look!

confidence

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

What is confidence?   It is the ability to match expectations with actual results.   If we expect with certainty that we can do something and than aren’t able to achieve that result then feedback to self is negative.   If we can do something like tie a shoe with success we become more confident that we can be achieve a result and that positive feedback reinforces our confidence.

Confidence can be increased:

1. Mastery – practicing until you have developed a demonstrated proficiency in the area you want to improve in.

2.  Contribute to the success of others – help someone else develop their skills and in most cases your skill will increase as well.

3. Encouragement – getting positive feedback from someone who has skills in the  area you want to improve.   Using positive affirmations to help bolster your belief that you can do better are useful as well.   The children’s program Bob the Builder says,  “Can we build it? Yes we can!” Can we ChaCha? Yes we can!

4. Imagery – imagine what the completed result will look like.   This is something that sports figures use to create a positive outcome by first doing the routine in the mind before actually doing the event.   Gymnasts walk-thru their routine mentally imagining each move being perfectly executed.

5. Transferral – transform fear into excitement.   The brain doesn’t interpret the difference between fear and excitement in terms of experience.   The fear sensation is the same as high excitement and people think they are experiencing fear when what they are feeling is excited.   A person who is about to speak before a large group says they are fearful and often it is excitement that they feel.

6. Physical management – manage the tension in your muscles and relax rather than get more tense as you are about to do something new.   Confidence comes with repeated success and with that people can relax.   Performing in big events, sports, appearing in front of large audiences can for the first time create physical sensations that decrease performance.  Practice the mental imagery of success to bring down the tension of that big performance.

Confidence is often tested in big events, like Mountain Biking downhill at high speeds.   The skill it takes to go full on and full-out on technically difficult courses requires a high degree of confidence.

Would you be willing to try a high-speed descent on two wheels?

Alignment

“Your life has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Inner purpose concerns Being and is primary. Outer purpose concerns doing and it is secondary. Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet – because it is the purpose of humanity. Your inner purpose is an essential part of the purpose of the whole, the universe and its emerging intelligence. Your outer purpose can change over time. It varies greatly from person to person. Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success. Without that alignment, you can still achieve certain things through effort, struggle, determination, and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endeavor, and it invariably ends in some form of suffering.”  Eckhart Tolle

As a coach who works a wide variety of people it is important that the client knows “who” they are.   In many cases they have an idea of who they are that has been shaped by external influences and over time their belief about “who” they are is merely a mask of their real self.    People take assessments to help define better who they are (MBTI, DISC, …) and while those assessments provide value they are often reflections of what other people have declared them to be.   Even 360 degree assessment fail to provide the truth about “who” a person really is.  

 

What happens when people don’t know “who” they are is that they fight against themselves in many cases in terms of career choice, conflicts, learning styles, and working with others.   If people knew “who” they were naturally they would experience greater career, relational, and personal success and fulfillment.   The very things people are looking for are obscured by not knowing who they are.

Jim Collins the author of “Good to Great” writes,  “You can’t manufacture passion or “motivate” people to feel passionate. You can only discover what ignites your passion and the passions of those around you.”     Research indicates that only about 28% of people in their work love what they do.    That means that 72% of the workforce is doing work they don’t really like to do.  Companies spend billions of dollars training and trying to get people to fit their roles and can’t.   When people are not in alignment with “who” they are and what they do they will attempt to mold the job to their core values and ultimately the both the employee and organization suffer.  

For organizations getting the right people in the right seat would make a huge contribution to the bottom line and increase employee satisfaction.    Imagine if you knew what your core values were so that you could find a job that aligns with your strengths and abilities.    Taylor Protocols is one such company that knows how to get the right people in the right seat.     Their “Core Value Index” reliably shows what matters most to people and when they know their core values they are able to:

1. Find out what career is a good fit.

2. Find out how to manage conflict.

3. Find out what creates conflict in their life.

4. Find out their best learning style.

5. Find out how they can make their biggest contribution.

When people are in alignment with “who” they are their level of fulfillment increases, their productivity increase and life gets better.   That is what many people want, a better life and yet they struggle with daily fighting against “who” they truly are.    The CVI is something that can be purchased and the results can be used to fashion a purpose filled life.   It is worth the few dollars to find out what really works in your life.   It is far cheaper than therapy or counseling that often takes place after one has fought against their natural values for years.

Do you know “who” you are?    Are you living with your “values” or against them?

Here’s a short clip about the value of the CVI.

 

 

triangle

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. ”
Denis Waitley

“Learn from the past” …. wisdom

“detailed goals for the future” … intention

“live in the moment” … action

Use the past to learn, understand and grow.  Let the past be the soil for growth.   Use the future to dream, to  hope,  to plan and to aspire to.   Let the future be the energy for success.   Use the present to gain strength, confidence and a sure footing.   Let the present be the moment you act.

So often the past is only filled with regret and anger.   Take a few minutes and listen to the words others speak.   What are they really saying?   What are you hearing, listen closely and don’t speak, just listen.    What do you hear?   “If I”, “I could have …”, “I should have …. “, “I would have …”, those are the words of dreams that were put in a box and never allowed to live.    The words “if”, “could”, “should”, “would” leave a person powerless to change the present to live in a better future.

The future is filled with hope, with dreams and with desire.   The future is also filled with unkempt promises and commitment.    The future is a place called “tomorrow” and while it holds the dreams of every man it also holds captive the action required to make those dreams alive.

Now, this very moment,  is a time for action.   It is a place where dreams unfold and color takes the place of black and white.   It is a place where magic can happen if action is taken.   Now is a point in time where dreams unfold and become real.    The present is a time of movement, a time of choice, and a time of responsibility, it is a place where a person isn’t held captive.

What are you doing now to pursue your dreams and goals?   If you are holding on to the pain of the past you aren’t growing.   If you are tied to the  hope of the future you aren’t moving.     Only in the present can we adjust the sails of the ship.  Only in the present can we experience the wind in our face.  Only in the present can we take steps to live the life we want to live.

What are you doing right now, right now, to live the life you desire to live?   What choices are you making that will allow you to live that life you hold captive in your dreams?    What is stopping you if you aren’t taking the steps that lead you closer to living a full life?

… now is the time …

Have you ever experienced a profound sense of peace and joy that came together at the same moment.   Some would call that a state of bliss, or presence.  A moment when time stood still, the past wasn’t calling you back and the future wasn’t pulling you forward, you were in the present.

Being in the present is a time when life is filled with  purpose and feels magical.  Sometimes those moments last only a few seconds,  a few minutes and then disappear as worries about the future creep back or anger about the past drags you down.   Where are  you?

When have you experienced a magical moment where time stood still, where time didn’t press you backwards or forwards, but just stopped?

Authentic living is living between the past and the future.   It is a place where so many people want to be and somehow they have seem to have lost the ability to live between the past and the future.   Where are you living?   Are you living for the future, a place of worry,  or are you tied to the past, a life of regret and anger?  What is your answer?