Category Archives: being

how do you deceive yourself

“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
― Jane Austen

What do you believe about yourself?   What is your real truth?   Below is a video about people who describe themselves in one way and others describe that same person in another.   How we think of ourselves matters.

How we see ourselves impacts our ability to be our best.    Our best may be exaggerated a bit, more positive or more handsome or beautiful.   We want to believe we are somewhat better than we really are because it pushes us in some way to be that person.   If we believe we are more negative than we really are we don’t believe we can do the things we could otherwise.

We deceive ourselves for a number of reasons.  If we believe in that deception does it help us live a better life?

What do you think of yourself?   Who do you think you really are?   Are you the person you want to be?   Are you the person that others see?   What is your answer?

 

core values

“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. ” Freya Stark

What are core values?   These are values that are important to you or the organization you work for.  These are deep-seated values that you identify with as necessary components of you or you work.   Some people value honesty, integrity,  trust,  intelligence, or a strong work ethic.   No matter what they are if they are in alignment with who you are the more satisfied you’ll be.   Your identity is wrapped up in your core values.  It is what you believe in.

How well do you know your core values?    I have found that looking at a list of over 300 values that most people find it difficult to winnow the list down to just a few values, just 3 or 4 values that are the most important to them.   With too many values it is easy to get lose focus on what is really important and identify with values that are tangential to the real you.

Why is it important to have just a few values?    You can certainly have many values that are important and without a focus on a few it leads to less intense focus on the values that are the most important.    There are probably just three to five core values that you can develop with sufficient intensity to make substantial improvements on.

Identify your values

1. Take a look at a list of values and quickly choose 10 values that you identify with

2.  Narrow the list of 10 values down to 5

3. Now choose the 3 values that you strongly identify with

What can you do to strengthen your values?

Take a look at Zappos values and how they apply those values in the work environment.

How are you living out your values?

If you are interested in finding your core values Taylor Protocols offers an assessment that will identify your strengths in four areas.    The information is useful in finding the right career and how to resolve conflicts with others.    When you know what values are being challenged in yourself you can develop strategies to reduce that conflict.

Take some time and get to know your core values today.

Now

“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.”  James Thurber

It fits neatly between the past and the future.   It is the space between the not yet and history, it is what we call “Now” and it is a very precious moment.   Now is always moving in some direction for some people it is forward and for others it is a link to the past.

Some people move from “Now” into the past, a past  filled regrets, anger, and disappointment.   They are so comfortable in the past that they can’t move out of it, they are friends with yesterday.   For those who are stuck in the past we are likely to call them victims.    For the victim life is about “getting” comfort from others and it is a way to survive and receive empathy.   While there is a benefit from living in the past as a victim it isn’t a place of strength and vitality.   Living a life in the past is more like living in a cage, safety being on the inside but there is no freedom in living in the past.

There are some people who live in the future, a future that is filled with dreams of what can be or a future that is filled with anxiety and fear.   Living in fear (panic attacks, high anxiety) diminishes the quality of life.   People living alone without a strong support structure can project themselves into an uncertain future and increase the chances of having panic attacks. 

The past or the future is not the place to cultivate happiness.   Happiness occurs in the “now”.  While we can have fond memories of the past that brings to us feelings of joy, these feelings often only pull us back into a place of “life was better then …”.   Now is the time and place for happiness and because it happens  in the moment it often feels elusive.    As soon as you think about your  happiness you are shifting your state of consciousness to a different time perspective.   Happiness in the moment is something that is and it takes no thought.

Now is the place where creation unfolds.   Now is the place the  memories bloom.   Now is the place that dreams are fashioned.   Many people refer to “now” as being present, not being in the past or in the future but being right in the moment, fully alive and fully energized.  

Where do you find yourself, in the present, in the past or in the future?

In this video the Dalai Lama talks about how our emotions are the source of our problems, and it is our emotions that impact our ability to be happy, to be present, to be in the “now”. What do you think?


 

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”   James Thurber

am I?

‘Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Am I …

It might be a question, it might be a thought, or it might be a sense of hopelessness that some people have when they don’t know who they are.   A person who asks, “Who am I?” may have been going through the motions of life really to never understand at their core who they are and what they should be doing.   For some people they have never resolved or peered into their own identity and at some point they realize they don’t know who they are and that often presents a frightening picture.

I am? 

I am, as a question.   “I am” asks a much bigger question.  It is a statement about who you believe you are.   “I am _________________”.   It goes beyond just the meaning of who you are to the meaning of who you are in the context of those around you.   What does “I am?” mean to you?

i am

“i am” as a weak declaration, one where the words are spoken quietly and without certainty.   It is a statement without the belief behind it that would give power to the words.

I am

“I am”, an assertion with some level of confidence and not strong enough that someone would believe that what you are saying is really true about you.    Increasing that sense of I am can be done by focusing on positive self thought.

I AM

Bold, assertive, positive and confident with a sense of direction, purpose and significance.   This is beyond emergent behavior and shows up as having strength with only small amounts of uncertainty in their lives.

I AM!             

Fully confident, fully assertive, fully humble, fully alive, fully present, significant, bold yet calm. Able to use skills wisely, developing others, a leader, a sage, engaged, fearless.

Where are you?   What level of being do you live at and participate at?   What would it take to raise your level of being up a level?  What would it take for you to feel more alive, more present, and more capable?

“Jenny: Do you ever dream, Forrest, of who you wanna be?

Forrest: Who I’m gonna be? Aren’t I gonna be me?

Jenny: You’ll always be you. Just another kind of you. You know? … I want to be famous. I want to be a singer like Joan Baez. I just want to be … on an empty stage with my guitar, my voice. Just me, and I want to reach people on a personal level. I want to be able to say things, just one to one.”

from the movie “Forrest Gump