Category Archives: fear of failure

I don’t need help …

“No matter our talent, we all know in the midnight of our souls that 90 percent of what we do is less than our best.”
― Robert McKeegoldsunise-2

Are you doing your best?  Are you the best performer at work, at home or wherever you are?  Maybe you don’t have to be the best.  Maybe you can get by with what you are doing now.  Maybe you don’t have to expend the energy to do better or be better.  However if you do want to be better, how are you going to do that?

The vast majority of people have a lot of untapped talent they could use to do things better, to live life better, or to contribute more, or to be a better person and they don’t do anything about it.   “I don’t need help …”  might be their inner mantra.  I don’t need any help to be better.  I can do it myself.

Most top performers realize that reaching their peak performance does require some outside assistance.   It is about breathing air into an aspect of life that has been left untapped that can result in a new level of personal or professional performance.  Maybe it is eliminating some hidden fear that keeps the person from realizing their full potential.

Have you asked the questions, “What would it be like if I could be just 4% better than I am now?”  What would that be like?  What would that mean to future opportunities or more personal happiness?   The default future is yours if you want it that way.  The created future, the exciting, bold rewarding future is yours as well.  Which path do you want to travel?

 

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step into the fear and do it anyway

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Frank Herbert

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Then end of the year is approaching quickly, what changes have you made this past year that you planned on making at the beginning of the year.   Did you live your year the same way you started it?   Perhaps you started with big goals and those slowly melted away and the year suddenly disappeared.

Often times what I hear is, “I’ll start tomorrow”, “I’ll start losing weight”, “I’ll start looking for a better job”, “I’ll start going to school”, “I’ll start _________ tomorrow”.   Tomorrow never gets here, it is always a day away. The delay becomes a story, a story about what might happen when.   There is another story that is playing at the same time.  The story of fear, the story of delaying until the threshold of fear can be breached.

You’ve heard that story, most everyone has at some point in their lives.  It is a disabling story that results in living the way that is the same as it was yesterday.   You will live your next year the same way you are living today unless you take the steps to transform your life.

The question to ask, “is the dream worth it to me?”   Is that dream of yours important.  Is losing weight really important to you?  Is finding a career worthy of you worth it to you?  Is starting a new business really that important for you?  Is taking that special vacation really that important to you?

What would make you feel more alive?  What would feeling alive look like to you?

As Mandela put it: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

energy factors

“The sage produces without possessing, acts without expectations, and accomplishes without abiding in her accomplishments. It is precisely because she does not abide in them that they never leave her.”
― Lao Tzu

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Our brain influences more powerfully with negative messages. Have you noticed those days when your energy levels just seem to be depleted? What makes one day significantly different from any other day? What engages you so that you have energy?

Your thoughts play a big part in how much energy you have and how  you feel.   The good part is that you can change your thoughts at any time.   You’ve already done this before, you’ve turned a lot of negative energy (anger) into neutral energy in a second.    In flash you can go from angry to kind and kind to angry.     You can go from being filled with energy to feeling totally drained.   What changed?

Bad news.   Someone conveys bad news to you and suddenly a sense of fear or loss stirs within you.  Just before that you were energized, happy and motivated and in an instant it drained away.

Would it be a true statement to say that all of your negative feelings, lack of energy is self-generated?    Your energy (or lack thereof) doesn’t come from the circumstances you face, but rather to the attention you give the circumstances and judge as good or bad, favorable or unfavorable.

You have the ability to tap into your positive energy by noticing that you have within you a capacity for empathy, exploration, innovation, direction and action.   Putting a focus on each of those five elements enables you to build internal energy.

The first step to reducing energy zapping moments is to acknowledge those moments.   This isn’t a time to judge the event.   It is a time to notice the event and looking at it without a filter of being either good or bad, just notice it as an event.   “this event took place and I feel ____________”.

When you focus on the event with judgement it clouds your ability to look for opportunity in the event.   In other words it narrows the focus to a point where all the energy is focused on one thing … “you”.    Depending on the state of mind you are in that high focus could be negative or positive energy.   The likelihood of having a negative feeling is far greater than having a positive one.

To activate the positive, consider approaching the negative circumstances you experience in a new way.   Consider treating yourself with a dose of empathy.   Look for new ways to interpret your feelings.   Develop a new story, a story that has the ability to energize you.   Look for the opportunity in the situation.  Turn the energy into positive action.     Do something creative with your energy.

To take this topic a bit further listen to Chamine Shirzad explain the concepts of Positive Intelligence.   Find something you can do today to implement a part of PI in your life.

I know how to do that …

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
Maya Angelou

Have you ever been to a conference, lecture, seminar or read a book and said to yourself, “I how how to do that?” and thought I could do that.    It’s not what you know how to do, it is what you do with what you know.    The difference between high performers and the rest is that the high performers take action on what they know.  They do it!  They take action and get results.

So where are you?

Idea
Plan
Action

Many people have great ideas and they’ll tell you all about the great ideas they have.   No plan … and no action.   You may have heard about “the great idea” that someone had.   No action, no results.

A great idea with a plan is at least a step further.   A great plan without any action is just  a plan.

Recently someone was telling me of this book they had written.   It’s written and waiting to be put into an envelope to be sent to a prospective publisher.   Written  and sitting.   Some people would say, “What are you waiting for?”.    Without action you’ll never know what the results would be.

What are you waiting for?

What one great idea do you have that is just waiting for the “right time”?

It is what you do that matters.

Check out the best coaching blogs … click below.

Fear

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Frank Herbert, Dune

What would you be doing right now if fear didn’t have its way with you?   That is right, fear is stopping you from living fully.   It is holding you back.  It is making you nervous and it is changing the rhythm of your self-talk.   What is it saying right now?   Is it saying “I can do anything I want to” or is it saying “I would do if it if I wanted to” or is it saying “I could do it but I don’t feel like it.”    What messages are you listening to, what is the talk of your unconscious mind saying right now?   It may not be saying anything, it may just be a feeling, a nervous feeling, a queasy feeling, an uncertain feeling, a feeling that says back away or a feeling that says quit now.   What is it you are feeling right now?   How does the word fear feel right now?

Some people fear changing a job that they absolutely know isn’t working for them.   They keep the job just to have a job and in today’s uncertain economy that is holding back people from doing what they love to do.

Fear rips through someone who finds out that they have a severe illness.  What is next?  What will happen to me?   The mind fixates on the worst outcome possible rather than focusing on what the best outcome could be.

What are you fearful about?

Write down those things now.

I am fearful about __________________________________________

I am fearful about __________________________________________

I am fearful about __________________________________________

Now that you have the idea, write down the things that you are fearful about.  Identify those fears.

What is a fear?  What is the rational thought behind the fear?

Examine the fear and look at it from 360 degrees.   Look all around the fear and write down what is true about the fear.   What is really true, not what you think is true.

Let’s say you are looking for a new job.  You’ve written your resume and sent it out to over 200 organizations and not one has written or called you for an interview.   Maybe you are thinking you are not good enough to be hired.  You feel rejected and then you feel that without a job then you won’t be able to provide for yourself.    The fear is that you aren’t good enough.   If you aren’t good enough then what.  What does the future hold for you if you aren’t good enough?

The fear  you are not good enough is just a thought you made up, where is the truth in that statement “you’re not good enough?”.

Take one step out of fear by creating a positive frame of mind.   To create a positive frame of mind think positive.   Tame the voice of fear and replace it with  the voice of creation.

“I am creating my future.”

“I am  living fully today.”

“I am enjoying the moment.”

“I am good enough.”

Replace the old thoughts with new ones.  Practice, practice and practice focusing on what you want as an outcome and move forward each day.

In this video Dr. Michael Duckett talks about overcoming fear.   Coaching also works to move people beyond limiting beliefs, assumptions and interpretations.

Take the next step to conquer fear in your life.  Focus on what you can do right now, right now and solve the problems rather than trying to figure out what will happen in the future.

“Be brave enough to live creatively…. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you will discover will be wonderful. What you will discover will be yourself. ”
Alan Alda

Excuses

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” George Bernard Shaw

Excuses …. how many do you make in a single day?   There is always a reason not to do something and that reason is most likely an excuse.   Excuses become habits and habits become a way of life.

What is the origin of excuses?    When people are feeling disempowered one way to recover that power is to redirect the negative energy towards something else.    If there was no personal threat then excuses would never need to be uttered.

To live to your full potential  excuses must be replaced by  responsibility.

Popular  excuses:

1.It is too hard

2. I don’t have the time.

3. I am not good enough

4. I don’t have the money

5. I’m not smart enough

6. I’m too old or I’m not old enough

7. I don’t have the experience

8. I’m afraid

9. I don’t deserve to be successful

Which excuse is your favorite?    What popular excuse do you use on a regular basis?

When someone asks you what you really want to do,  do you follow that up with, “I don’t have the time, …, it’s true”.    What are you really saying when you say ,”it’s true”.    Does the “it’s true” statement validate your excuse?   Of course it is true for you.   Why should it be that way?    What would it take to counter the excuse?

What happens when we live behind the door of excuses?   What do you think that does to your life?

For the next week write down all the excuses you make.  Just notice them and write them down.   At the end of the week, notice what excuses you were making and how often you were making them.    What does that tell you?

Live without excuses.

deadline

“And he, the said Wirz, still wickedly pursuing his evil purpose, did establish and cause to be designated within the prison enclosure containing said prisoners a “dead line,” being a line around the inner face of the stockade or wall enclosing said prison and about twenty feet distant from and within said stockade; and so established said dead line, which was in many places an imaginary line, in many other places marked by insecure and shifting strips of [boards nailed] upon the tops of small and insecure stakes or posts, he, the said Wirz, instructed the prison guard stationed around the top of said stockade to fire upon and kill any of the prisoners aforesaid who might touch, fall upon, pass over or under [or] across the said “dead line” ….” [“Trial of Henry Wirz,” Report of the Secretary of War, Oct. 31, 1865]

A prisoner tries to escape and crosses the “dead line” and the guards have cause to shoot the prisoner.   Crossing the deadline meant certain death.   Newspapers picked up on that term and used it to define a moment in time where what was ready to print was put into print.

Today a deadline is used to mean it must be done by this time.   The deadline to get this or that done often passes by nearly unnoticed in some domains.  A deadline merely marks the desire for something to be completed.   What deadlines have you watched go by?

In the civil war the prisoner’s didn’t have the luxury of watching a deadline go past, they knew that a deadline meant a certain finality.  At one time a deadline was enforced, now it is a term that doesn’t carry the weight or final conclusion that it once did.    You’ve reached the deadline and find that you are unable to cross it.

A deadline demarks the boundary around a prison, an imaginary line which could not be crossed.  In today’s world people feel like they are living in a prison where crossing the boundary does mean a type of death.  People are enclosed within the deadline by fear, the fear of failure, the fear of change, the fear of not being good enough, or the fear of success.   To cross the deadline means something will have changed and that fear prevents them from crossing the deadline.

The deadline now lives in our imagination rather than being an imaginary boundary around a prison.   Our boundary line which we have declared holds us back from being the kind of person we could really be.  What is your deadline?  How close is it to your prison walls?   What would happen if you crossed that deadline?

The prison that you are the prisoner of could be a prison of debt,  the prison of doubt, the prison of fear, the prison of worry, the prison of work, the prison of a relationship, the prison of time, the prison of anger, or the prison of stress.   Whatever your prison is named it is hard to escape from it.

What prison do you find yourself in?   What are you doing to cross the deadline?