Category Archives: Positive thinking

Taking control of fear

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.”  Rosa Parks

Fear can either paralyze or motivate a person.    In the face of danger some people are unable to make a move and others of course run and run fast.  Why is that?   Why do people choke when the pressure of the moment suddenly increases?

Small business owners can be paralyzed by the lack of orders and business.   What once worked no longer works and instead of breaking through and developing some new ideas they freeze up and wonder what is happening.  Analysis paralysis is often the term used for wallowing in indecision and inaction.

For many people and businesses when the pressure is ratcheted up there is a tendency to pull back and withdraw which is just opposite of what should take place.     When you are facing some difficulty in your life the experts recommend:

1. Work with someone, find someone who you can partner with and share your difficulties with.   For businesses or individuals  it might mean getting a coach so that there is a new viewpoint to consider.

2. Focus – as the pressure increases it is easy to try to do too many different things.    Regain focus on the desired outcome.   What will get you there?  Staying focused on “the” goal and choosing actions that will get you to the goal is certainly one of the keys for success.

3. Be optimistic – it is too easy to slip into pessimism, worry and self-doubt and those three words, pessimism, worry and self-doubt can take your from the edge of success to the brink of defeat.   Those who are able to push forward and stay optimistic have a better chance of achieving the goal.

4. Cultivate new ideas – Use your imagination to find new ways to solve the difficult problems.  The old way of doing things may just be that, “the old way” and today it takes out of the box thinking.

In the September issue of Success Magazine a quick poll revealed that when people are challenged they tend to do these things:

38% develop an action plan
23% handle it on their own
17% Seek expert advice,  finding a coach or mentor
16% Ask help from friends
6% Avoid the issue (this is running away)

What do you do when you face fear?   Run or take action.

“You have within you more resources of energy than have ever been tapped, more talent than has ever been exploited.  More strength than has ever been tested.  And more to give than you have ever been given.”   John Gardener

when will the pain go away …

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced.  Denied or feared, it grows. ”  Dean Koontz,  Velocity

Pain can be endured, denied it grows.   So many people are enduring pain and it grows each day and life seems to be all about managing pain rather than living with happiness.   Some people only see pain and nothing much else.

Not long ago I had a conversation with a person who believed the world was totally against her.   Her friends weren’t being friends.   Her life was in shambles and everything looked hopeless.   There was no energy to change.  Misery felt like a safe place because the thought of change was even more miserable.   “What if I failed again”, might be the words that would be uttered.   “Who cares about me?” and “There is nothing for me here?” .

What is your world like?   What are you experiencing?   Are you looking at the world in a  hopeful positive way or is it a world that seems to be pushing in on your very being with relentless pressure.

Emotional pain is something everyone faces and it is a matter of  how that pain is dealt with that makes a difference.

Emotional pain can be seen in all facets of daily life, anger, violence, withdrawal, grief, sadness and living as a victim.

One of the tools for addressing emotional pain is EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques.   This is a simple, no cost method, of reducing or eliminating emotional suffering.   The method works with a variety of emotional issues.   It works for most people.  Those with severe emotional trauma the recommendation is to seek professional guidance before trying EFT.    EFT is something to look at if you have been dealing with emotional issues for a long time.

For parents with children with ADHD, EFT may offer a simple quick way of managing the ADHD symptoms.   While EFT isn’t a cure for ADHD it may prove effective when many other forms of ADHD management haven’t.

Where would you rate the emotional pain level in your life on scale of 1 – 10, 1 = none or very little to 10 = extreme?    If you are experiencing emotional pain above a 6 you may want to seek some help.   At the minimum consult with a professional and see if there are some techniques that will help you reduce your emotional burden.

How have you managed emotional pain?

 

 

 

going confidently

“The kind of commitment I find among the best performers across virtually every field is a single-minded passion for what they do,
an unwavering desire for excellence  in the way they think and the way they work.  Genuine confidence is what launches you out of bed in the morning,
and through your day with a spring in your step.” Jim Collins

CONFIDENCE

The lack of confidence may be the number one roadblock for achieving the success you desire.   Sometimes it feels like a lack of motivation, lack of energy or a lack of desire, but digging a bit deeper it turns out there is usually a lack of confidence that is stopping success.

Lack of personal confidence may look like:

1. I am not good enough
2. I am not loved
3. My job is terrible
4. I weigh too much
5. My life is a mess
6. I should get organized
7. I need to exercise
8. Everyone hates me

The lack of confidence shows up most often as victim talk.  What is being said is often filled with “should”, “ought”, “need”, “have to”,”not”, “can’t”,”could”, “would”, or words that point back to another source outside of you.

A victim is controlled by the environment, a confident person controls the environment with their actions and words.

Some people are more susceptible to creating an internal world that doesn’t allow them to feel confident.   People with ADHD/ADD tend to see themselves in a negative light.   People who have received very little positive feedback feel that they are not “good enough”.   People who have lived in abusive situations, especially where they thought they were the cause of the abuse think less of themselves.

In most cases the lack of confidence isn’t true for the individual.  Thomas Edison fought through failure after failure before he reached the formula that led to a light bulb  that worked well.    Abraham Lincoln faced many setbacks in his career and yet he pushed forward always picking himself up after each defeat.  Confidence.

Of course if it was easy to go from unconfident to confident in 15 minutes everyone would be very confident.    Self-help books have all the information for someone who desires to become more confident achieve results yet less than 3% of people make lasting change through self-help books.  One reason for that is it takes more than words in a book to affect change.    It takes a sincere desire and a plan that includes some level of weekly accountability.

Lack of confidence isn’t about ability.  Most people are capable and able but they don’t believe that they are capable and everything they hear from others confirms to them they aren’t able.   This is the case of seeing what we are looking for(negative confirmation) and instead of seeing what we have accomplished we focus on what we haven’t been able to do.   If we make two steps forward and slip back one we conclude that we are a failure.   Is that really the case?

Take any high level athlete and watch them perform, they make the sport that they are in look easy.   What we don’t see is the many failures, the many times that they have  fallen and picked themselves up and continued on.

What can you do to build confidence?

1. Think positively about yourself
2. Take charge of your emotions (own them)
3. Believe you are capable
4. Practice, get up and practice some more.
5. Encourage someone (build others up)
6. Be aware of your emotions
7. Take compliments and be thankful for them
8.  Take criticisms and learn from them (what is it really about?)

In many cases it is the lack of confidence that inhibits people from taking the very actions they desire.   Make today the day that you will push through the barriers.

Henry Thoreau said, Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”, so why not start now.   Start taking the actions you need to take to move towards your dreams.

 

If you struggle with being accountable and achieving the goals you desire perhaps having a coach would help you reach your intended goal.

Make today the day you will go confidently into your world.

at the crack of dawn

Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don’t waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail.”    Og Mandino

Sometimes the early morning comes to early for some.   Early on May 11th a program aired that gave the viewers some insight into the power of coaching and how coaching can transform the way people interact with the world.  

Coaching is transforming businesses so they are more efficient and effective.    With coaching employees are more engaged and more productive.

Individuals that receive coaching start to make great progress towards the achievement of their goals.   Coaching provides the accountability people need especially in the world we live in today where change is happening at breakneck speed and getting faster.     Coaching clients can learn how to manage stress, reduce anger and understand what triggers their emotions and coaching can help people live a more positive and inspired life.

People with ADD/ADHD can learn coping skills that will allow them to perform at much higher levels.   Overall coaching is a process that can make a great impact in all areas of life.

Find out what coaching can do for you.

do optimists lead a better life?

“The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it to his enemy.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Do you look at each day as  day filled with hope a possibility?

Research has shown that optimists tend to be more successful than pessimists.  What do you to think you are, and optimist or a pessimist?   Find out … here!

The pessimist may find themselves suffering more than an optimist as well. 

The optimist tends to enjoy a better life in many aspects.  Optimism has shown to improve the bodies ability to fight off disease.  Studies also reveal that life longevity is also better for optimists.

Students that stress over school would achieve greater success if they shifted their thoughts towards optimism.   That being said, many college graduates are optimistic about their future and are deciding that happiness may be more important than success.

Pessimism may come about from feelings of helplessness, the feeling that nothing can be done.  The optimist would come from a point of view of hopefulness.  

What do you think, is the glass half full or not?

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”   – Helen Keller

i will be ready to change …

“We would rather be ruined than changed;
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.”
W.H. Auden

If it is important then why not make the change?  

There are many, many people who are tired of what they are doing, tired of having things being a struggle all of the time.   Work is harder.  Relationships are on edge or broken.   The career is stalled or falling apart.   The weight that should have been lost is coming back.    Each day it feels like the load gets heavier and heavier and looking at the news it doesn’t appear to be getting better soon.

Maybe someone has told you, “you need to change”, or “you should change”, and in your mind your thinking, maybe I do need to change.   “I need to change …”, that doesn’t sound very empowering does it.  

I have to change.

I need to change.

I should change.

I want to change.

I desire to change.

What statement is more like you? 

Personal change is going to be very difficult if there isn’t a desire to change.   Shifting the language to “want to” or “desire to” is going to be much more enabling than “need to” or “should” change or “have to” change.  

Until there is a point where you tell yourself “I want to” make  changes in my life,  change is unlikely to happen or to be sustained.   Change doesn’t happen until you want change to happen.     Take a look at this change guide (link is located on the page).  What would do you want to change?  Really, what do you want to change?   Not should change, not need to change , not have to change, but desire or want to change?

 

“The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created–created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.”  John Schaar

living the dream life …

 

 “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”  Henry David Thoreau

This begins a series of short posts on creating and living a better life though discovery, dreams, design and destiny.   The four components are part of a larger body of knowledge known as Appreciative Inquiry.   Using the AI techniques one can create a plan that will move along a path of life that is rewarding and satisfying.   Many people are living life without enjoying the life they are living, they are suffering from financial woes, a dissatisfying career, living in unsupportive relationships and feeling alone in a turbulent world.

DISCOVER

What kind of life do you really want to have?    What would make each day worth getting out of bed for?    What would need to change to have a life that would engage your sense of being?

For many people discovering what they really want out of life would be enough to raise their daily energy.   Darren Hardy wrote, “The great tragedy of life is not poverty or hunger or even death.  The great tragedy is that we could, but we don’t, we should, but we won’t.”   We have something deep within, something that could come alive and provide a sense of purpose that keep us moving in a direction that supports who we are.    Over the years life may have coated your spirit with an opaque layer of doubt, fear, worry and a belief that nothing can be done and that a happier life is only a myth.    Let’s break the myth … let us find a path that does lead to greater happiness.  

DREAM

“Dream your dreams with open eyes and make them come true.”  T. E. Lawrence

A dream is the unrealized intention that is capable of transforming your current situation or position in life.   A dream is a motivational force that when acted upon will produce the results you desire.  A dream is a story without restrictions or boundaries that if achieved would produce the feelings, a smile from the depths of the soul, that would carry one through the momentary troubles of life.    

What dreams do you have that are not blossoming?   What would you like to do differently that would allow you to start living out your dreams?

 DESIGN

“Design acknowledges change. Its meaning encompasses change in our times. To design is to ‘create order and to function according to a plan.’ The notion of change and design move along the same path.”  Sara Little Turnbull

A dream without a plan is just a dream.  Design a plan that allows you to realize your dream.   Allow yourself to be the creator of your world.   Create a plan for your life that allows you to live and breathe the life you want to live.

DESTINY

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice.”  William Jennings Bryan

Destination is the place to arrive at and along the pathway is the work that will need to be done to find yourself at the place you have dreamt about and thought about and planned for, it is your destiny.    Your destiny is a life by design rather than a life by chance.   The destination is the manifestation of your strengths, desires, and passions.  It is the place that you can arrive at and truly feel satisfied.    It is more than just a journey, it is about the meaning that entered your life along the way.  

Using the words of Emily Dickinson, “I live in possibility” is a rendition of what could be, it is what many seek and desire, the ability to change the world through confidence in self. 

What do you want your destiny to be?

imagine your way out

“man is so imprisioned by his own thinking tha the is simply incapable of fully understanding another standpoint.”    Carl Jung

Carl Jung indicates that we get stuck in our own thoughts and can’t see our way out of the situation we are in.   I was reminded of that not long ago that in the midst of a thorny problem I could only see thorns.   There didn’t appear to be a way out of the thorns.   The reason for that is when we focus on the immediate issue we are consumed in that moment with only one thing, a solution that will work and we resort to our practiced behaviours to figure a way out.  

Maybe you have experienced a situation that was just consuming all of your energy.  Your mind was grinding away and the problem just wouldn’t go away.  “I’ve tried everything and I ….”, and perhaps those are the words you used while in the deepest recess of the problem.

Our approach to problems is generally a result of using what worked once in the past, or maybe an approach that someone else used and worked.   Sometimes it is just a grand experiment, an unplanned experiment, just to do something.  

What would it be like if all that could change?   What would it be like if you could actually find a new and better way to solve some of life’s more tricky problems?  

What could you do that would transform your thinking?   If the answer is “I don’t know”, then try this, imagine for a moment that you have the answer, imagine that answer emerging right in front of you.    What would the answer be now?

Inner talk … the little voice

Have you ever wondered if that little voice that speaks to you continuously really wants you to be happy?    What would that voice say if you changed course today and did something different?   What would that voice say?

Successful people, really successful people, have trained their inner voice to support them.   Olympic athlete’s work with performance coaches to shift those inner thoughts to “winning” thoughts.  

The inner voice is different than intuition.   Intuition is a connecting force, connecting heart with head, and energy with energy.   It connects through feelings and sensing rather than by internal conversation.  

This poem written by Shel Silverstein talks about:

“The voice”

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
“I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong.”
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What’s right for you–just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.”
  Shel Silverstein

This inner voice is the voice that shackles us to the past quite often.  It says, “Be safe” and will do just about anything it can to prevent risk, prevent harm or prevent change.    The brain is wily in its ways.   It has been trained by real voices outside the mind that shape and configure just how the inner voice will speak.   When you hear words that say “No, you aren’t good enough” or “You’ve failed before what has changed this time …”, or “You’ve never been good at that …”, any of those words are conditioned words, meaning that you’ve taken on those words and applied them to “who” you are.

What would it be like to hear the words of a voice that says, “Of course you can”, “Let’s do it today”, “You are good enough”, “You are beautiful”,
“You are amazing”, “You can do it”.    That voice is alive in your mind if it gets the chance to exercise.    Like our bodies it is what we practice and if we practice negative thinking we become those negative thoughts.   

“If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.”  W. L. Bateman

So, why not shift the words of that little voice.    Shift them towards words that are encouraging to you.   Words that will allow you to take a risk and make a change, a substantial change in the direction of your dream.

What would stop you from making that change?

what is your success IQ?

What is the difference between those who are successful and believe and those who aren’t?   It turns out that it isn’t IQ that predicts success.   Only 25% of success is contributed to IQ.   That explains why the “C” student with a good idea and passion can become more successful than the overachieving “A” student.   

What then are the key factors for success?   Success follows happiness.    The happier and more positive a person is the more likely success will occur for that person.    Just shifting a thought from negative to positive will make a difference.   Shifting all negative thoughts to positive ones will make a huge difference.   When that small voice starts speaking to you and telling you that you aren’t capable of doing it then replace that thought with a positive one that says, “Yes, I can”.    The brain can only process one thought at a time so replacing a negative thought every time one happens with a positive thought will benefit you.    Keep the positive thoughts in your head and life will become better.

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” Henri Matisse

Practice shifting your thoughts to positive ones and work on that daily, it will make a difference.   Louise Hay has some comments on positive thinking, check out this video.