Category Archives: purpose

Finding a purpose …

It seems that many people are caught in a life that seems to have little purpose or direction.   These people want a change, a change of career in most cases so that they can do something that aligns with who they are.   People are tired of doing work that isn’t motivating or engaging or fulfilling and they want to stop living a life that doesn’t have a purpose.

Here’s what some people say, “I need to find some direction on where I should take my career.”

” I have been trying to figure out what I “want to do” with my life. I have tried a few different avenues, but have yet to find something that I truly enjoy and love doing.”

The story of finding something that says “want to” rather than “have to” suggests that many people are seeking a life of meaning versus a life of just doing work to make a living.   People seek coaches to help them find that purpose and then to find the career that works best for they are.

Years ago Rick Warren wrote a book called the “Purpose Driven Life” and addressed the issues of purpose.   What is it that you are the best at so that you can  contribute to  humanity your best?

The idea is of course finding a real purpose using your strengths every day and for many people using their strengths towards a purpose is a goal rather than a daily event.   How are you using your strengths daily?

What would it mean to live a great life?   What would you do to live out your passion?

Larry Smith (an economist) explains why you won’t pursue your greatest self.

People look for life/career coaches to help them unpack their dreams, to pursuit their greatest  strengths, and to start living the life they want to live.     It makes a difference and if you are feeling like you are stuck in the wrong career you may want to consider using a coach.

What are you tired of?

Where are you stuck?

How energetically do you approach your vocation each day?

What barriers stop you from the success you deserve?

What would free you to be the person you were meant to be?

Living with the shame of “I am not good enough”

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”  Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Give that title of the post some thought.   What is the one thing that has stopped you from living out your life fully?    Is it the inability to admit that you failed or that you could fail?   Is it not being good enough and the fear of letting someone down is paralyzing?

Vulnerability is a key ingredient for trust.   Trust in organizations hides because there isn’t a culture of vulnerability and why should there be vulnerability when you can’t be vulnerable.  We stop short of being vulnerable because we fear what would happen if we were and even if we have permission there is a silent voice in our mind saying “Don’t say another word”  and we hesitate and withdraw our voice and our contribution.    “What if I am not good enough?” and that is what holds so many people at bay.

It is no wonder that 85% of people desire to do something other than what they are currently being paid to do.   What would happen if everyone raised their voice and said, “This isn’t the right job for me … “.    They won’t say it because they don’t have something better to go to and fear holds them back chained to work that sucks the life out of them.     “Who am I … “, and that voice kills innovation, kills creativity, kills excitement and kills contribution, “who am I” to have a voice, to have an idea, to have a dream and to make a difference.

It comes across as “who am I to have a purpose”.    The question “what is your purpose?” most often has a response of “I don’t know.”     Living without purpose  is like being a robot just “doing things” and hoping something good will come of it.   Purpose is the foundation for living a meaningful life.    What crumbles that foundation is the inability to be vulnerable to admit failure, to admit that it wasn’t perfect the first time and to believe that there was fault behind that failure that belonged to you.

Take a look at this video clip from Brene’  Brown, listen to her story, her explanation of what vulnerability is and isn’t and what shame is and how it leads down a path of personal destruction.

So much of what coaching is, is restoring that faith in the person that they are worthy of great things because they have greatness inside.   That greatness has been swallowed up in shame and that keeps vulnerability from doing its work, bringing you to greatness.

Take a look!

And if the video spoke to you or if the words on this page spoke to you then … click on that purple thing just below these words … and vote for your favorite coaching blog.

You

“Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny–he has something to fulfill, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally–you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you. The whole intends to do something through you.” Osho

 
 

You!  

What about you?

What do you do?

What do you want to do?

Who are you being?

What do you believe?

Why do you believe?

You … it’s your story.  It’s your life.  

You give!

You receive!

You live!

You work.

You play.

You engage.

You win.

You lose.

You laugh.

You cry.

You do.

You don’t do.

What do you say about you?

Who do you want to be?

You think.

You grow.

You tell.

You listen.

You slow down.

You speed up.

You lie.

You stand.

What do YOU want to do?

be present

Where are you right now?   Are you focusing in on what is on the horizon in the next few days or weeks or are you focused on the past and what has happened.   Being present means focusing in on this moment and this moment alone.

Our culture is focused on “winning” and excelling in life and business and with such a high focus on getting results (or success) we often miss present.   As a result many people are missing out on life and over time they become disenchanted with their life.

Being present is becoming a topic of greater and greater interest and has been written about by Peter Senge and most notably Mihaly Csikszentamihalyi.   With our days being compressed by “duty” we  rarely have time to reflect on the present moment and what is happening is people are feeling like their is something missing.    That missing something starts to grow and grow and there is this moment that causes people to wonder life is all about.

Most people at some point in their life have found a moment in which they were fully present and it was magic.  Mihaly writes, “Yet we all have experienced times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, maters of our own fate.  On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like.”

It is those moments of exhilaration that people are seeking but are finding that daily living is sucking the life out of them and generating more stress than joy in their lives.   The question that lingers in many people’s minds is “how do I start feeling more joy in my life?”

Part of the answer is taking time out of the everyday busyness to stop and really doing something that tests your limits.   Busyness and routine work is draining but something that challenges ever fiber of your soul is what people describe as an optimal experience and this is what causes people to feel most alive.

What challenges the mind and body creates this sense of flow or being in the moment.   The moment is a point in time where the conscious mind reflects on the challenge and has the experience  of control, victory and freedom from the threat of chaos.   That moment is experiential and joyous and fleeting.  It is a moment that isn’t easily regained or easy to live over again through a similar experience.  It requires a new challenge and a new experience and then that moment of reflection.

For example first marathon run by a runner is often the most memorable.   Running the same marathon again even a year later has less of an impact than the first one did.   A new challenge must be experienced in order to regain that feeling.   Yet that experience can be recreated in the mind at any moment by learning how to be present right where you are.  The mind has the ability to generate that feeling of presence.   What will you do to be  present in your life?

Obtaining flow or presence

1. Set goals

2. Become immersed in activity

3. Pay attention to what is happening.

4. Learn to enjoy the present.

Do something important today that will allow you to feel better about you.

what is your personal mission?

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” – Viktor E. Frankl

What is your purpose?   For  many people having a purpose other than getting through the day is a thought that they have never entertained.   What is  your purpose?

Purpose is a driving force, a reason, a passionate desire, a legacy, a story and an internal motivation to do something that matters.    It is amazing that most people haven’t taken the time to discover their purpose.   Without a purpose life loses some of its meaning.   Work becomes a way to pass time, to collect some money and to continue to exist.   Life becomes a series of routine activities that has no meaning.   Eventually those without a purpose wake up one morning and wonder what life is all about.   What is my purpose?

There is an intrinsic purpose to life of course but there is also something deeper and more meaningful to purpose other than to exist.    People without purpose feel like they are lost.   They feel like they are just going through the motions of life and feeling less and less engaged in life as each day passes by.      That often means that whatever they are doing they are doing because they feel like they “have to”.

Where do you start?   If you have no idea of how to identify what your purpose is then it’s time to take out a piece of paper.   Divide the paper in half along the vertical axis.    On the left hand side of the paper list your strengths, the things you are naturally good at.  Identify the things that come easily to you.    Those will be things that just are easy for you to do or to learn.

On the right hand side of the paper list the things that you like to do.  These will be interesting things, perhaps reading, exercising,  or whatever those things are that you like to do.

Now you have a list of things that come naturally to you, or strengths, and a list of things that you like to do.

From those lists circle the things that are the most interesting, most energizing and most consistent in  your life.   What do you find yourself naturally doing?  What things do you do that makes time just fly by?

For those things that didn’t get circled put a box around the things that you would do if money or time were no object.   Maybe these things are things you are curious about that you want to know more about but just haven’t found time to do.

Using your core strengths which ones speak to “who” you are the most strongly.  These could be things that go to the core of your being.   They might be, your “to be” statements.    My purpose is to be ” _____________________ ” something.  What is that something?

Next, define what it is you want “to do”.   What is the activity that you will undertake.    “To do work that makes a difference in the world”  or “to work with people ” or ___________________.

And then we take the to be and to do and culminate with a “so that”.  Why do you want to do that.   ” … so that I can positively influence those closest to me”  or “so that I can make a difference in ____________”.   The “so that” summarizes your ” to do” and “to be” statements into a result.    That result is your “why”, your purpose and that will be your unique contribution.   Your purpose lived out will be your legacy.

“My life is my message.”  Gandhi