“Now is the only time you have. Change is happening. Give up your desire to control the world”
― Kelly Martin
How many times have you tried to take control of your life or someone else’s life and it just didn’t work? Perhaps you took control of a project that you were working on and things didn’t turn out the way you expected. In order for you to get the things you want you had to be in control and that worked until it didn’t.
The more you try to control things the less you really do. Control is like pushing against a brick wall with the hope that it will soon give way to your urging. The wall doesn’t move and you use up a lot of energy in the process.
The path to increased control is through surrendering. Eliminating the need to control all aspects of your life will permit you achieve more in less time. If you’re stuck in traffic and no one is going anywhere getting upset and desiring control won’t get you moving. Surrendering your emotions to the moment allows you to have some peace even at zero miles per hour.
If control creates stress and it usually does when things aren’t going the way you want then as the stress increases your ability to think clearly and rationally decreases. When stress moves into anger then even more of your cognitive abilities are compromised. Releasing the anger and tension restores your ability to deal with the situation. In other words you are surrendering to the moment to respond to the issue.
In some sense surrender means giving up your need to be right to accept the truth in the current circumstance. More internal peace provides more positive energy to change plans, think more clearly, make better decisions and improves conflict outcome results.
Think about ways surrendering could help you lead a more satisfying life and see how you can advance confidently along your chosen path.
“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
What does worry accomplish? As far as I know worry has accomplished nothing. Either there is a way to solve a problem or there isn’t and worry does nothing to help solve the problem.
Worry is the anticipation of a negative outcome based on a story that you strongly believe. For most people I simply ask them, “Is that story true?” Most people don’t believe the story is true and so I ask them, “How will worry help you?” The usual answer, “It won’t”.
So, “Why worry?”
The big challenge is trying to release the “what if” thoughts the mind can conjure up. The mind is looking for some way to brace for a potential negative outcome. In other words “fear”. Fear downs out the hope of today in exchange for the uncertainty of tomorrow.
Release the worry and replace it with practical actions you can take. Understand what you have control over and what you don’t. If you can’t control it or change the circumstances you’ve been placed in worry won’t help you. A student may worry about getting a good grade on a test. In that situation they have control over what they study and review to improve their chances of doing well. Worry won’t help them do better or even prepare to take the test.
Think about the situation you face. What is the best action you can take? What do you have control over?
“Success is not determined by the outcome. The outcome is the result of having already decided that you are successful to begin with.”
― T.F. Hodge
The old ways don’t work and you’re still doing things the old way. It takes doing something different to get different results and you know that and you’re still doing things like you did yesterday getting the same old tired results. You want a breakthrough in your life.
Take a quick a few minutes and think about these life categories and rate them from 1 to 10. 1 being not even close and 10 being I’ve got it nailed. Where are you in these areas?
4. Professional Development
5. Personal Development
Rate each category and do it fairly quickly, you really do know how well you are doing in your life. If some area is really poor then just admit it to yourself. Now add it all up. The maximum score is 90 points and if have less than 70 points you’re probably looking to make some changes. If you have less than 50 points life isn’t working well for you. And if you have less than 30 points you really need to step things up. No matter how many points you gave yourself there is room for improvement for change. If you’re a high achiever and have 90 points or more you’re ready to really push to new limits of performance in your life.
Take a look at your scores and think of ways that you can make a change in an area that isn’t going so well. Just admit it to yourself that it isn’t working and commit to making a change, a BIG change in that area this year.
What changes are you willing to make to live the live you really want? You are the only one that can change your life. If you want it to be better it starts with you. Create the goals that will enable you to achieve the results you want. Develop a life strategy so that you can get the results you want.