“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life,it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!”
― Robert T. Kiyosaki
What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe that you are the total sum of what others have said about you? Did you believe the teachers, parents, relatives, friends or others that said, “You are ___________”?
Most people believe what others say about them and then build their internal story to match what the outside world has told them they should be or what they shouldn’t be. Teachers may have told you that “you’ll never amount to __________” and left an indelible mark on your story. You may have believed that “I won’t be able to live my dreams.” That story became your life. Others may have influenced you as well and killed your biggest dream. Think about it for a few minutes. What did others say you were going to be or do in life? What story do you still carry around with you?
The story becomes a belief, the mask hides the true self from the authentic self and life becomes less than what it could really be. There are three key beliefs that impact your personal image.
1. Personal. The belief that what you hear is true and that is the truth about who you are. With enough repetition there is a shift in some people to a mode of helplessness.
2. Pervasive. The idea that all external messages are pointed to you and are negative. That all negative things are in a sense apply to all things, as in “everything is bad.”
3. Permanent. It’s not that things are bad, things are going to get worse. The tide of woe is only going to grow and there is no hope at all.
One way to improve your self-image is to look at the things you do control and the things you don’t control. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left write “control” and the right write “don’t control”. Write down all the things you do control and then write down all the things you don’t control. You can manage what you do control. Leave what you can’t control behind.
Listen to Professor Seligman describe the state of psychology here:
“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day!”
― Steve Maraboli
Get off of your “but’s“
Have you ever said, “I would _______________ but _________________”? Perhaps you have, or you’ve phrased a sentence and then added the word “but”. But is the word that means “I have an excuse ready for not being able to do it.” It doesn’t matter what it is the word but is what is used to stop personal and professional progress.
“I would start looking for a new job today but I don’t have the time.”
“I would quit smoking but I enjoy it too much.”
“I would lose weight but I stop eating.”
“I would start exercising but I don’t like doing it alone.”
Do any of those statements sound familiar to you? How do you add the little three-letter word but into your excuses. They are excuses aren’t they. There is no intention of making a real change, not when the but word gets put into the sentence. Using the word “but” gives you permission to delay or stop making the changes in your life that you know would benefit you.
Sean Stevenson would have some good excuses for not living life fully. It doesn’t appear that the word “but” is in Sean’s vocabulary. Meet Sean … listen to his story.
“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. “
For many balance is out of the question, it is more like what can be done to survive each day. There are just a lot of things going in in life and it seems that balance is just another word that gets used but means little in terms of creating a better life.
So, what is balance in life? How do you get to a place where more things are clicking than clacking? What does balance mean to you? Where do you find balance?
Balance implies things are level, that work can be balanced with the needs of family life, relationships, personal development and health. Fitting all the things that everyone is telling you is necessary into one day can be too much and when too much is knocking at your door that often means frustration, anger, disappointment, and even depression.
Some ways to deal with work/life balance
are to create open space in your life. Create some pockets of time where you aren’t required to deliver anything, a time to step back and think and reflect. Reflection is an important activity for creating space for yourself to decompress from all the business that happens in a day.
Give up, that is give up things that aren’t supporting you and your goals. There is no “need” to cram more into your life and what might work better is to take some things out that aren’t allowing you to experience joy and happiness. There might be a meeting that can be dropped from each week.
The Mayo clinic
has some work life balance suggestions that may help reduce the stress of a life that is out of balance.
What would you like to change in your life so that it would be better for you?
To learn more about optimizing your life, check out the TV Show, “The Balancing Act
“. I will be appearing on the show, May 11th, so tune it and learn how to get more out of your life.