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fear less living

 “Let a person rejoice when he is confronted with obstacles, for it means that he has reached the end of some particular line of indifference or folly, and is now called upon to summon up all his energy and intelligence in order to extricate himself, and to find a better way; that the powers within him are crying out for greater freedom, for enlarged exercise and scope.” -James Allen

Fear of the unknown stops many people right where they are.   The next step isn’t taken because of fear.  The footprints stop and then reverse direction when fear overtakes the senses.  

How do you live a fear less life?  How can you face your fears and melt them down (not necessarily away).

Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

What if you replaced the negative thoughts with positive affirmations?   “I am powerful” – say that – say it a few times.  “I am powerful.”

Start today, replace fear with your power.

 

 

goal again

Why does self-help fail so often?   Many people have tried the self-help route.  Perhaps they picked up a couple of books guaranteed to change their lives in four easy steps.   They try the steps and for a while, a short while things seem to improve and as things improve the energy to keep doing what is working fades and before long you are right back to where you started.  Self-help lacks permanence.  You will see it in the diets people go on – they hit their goal and then revert back to their old selves. 

The brain rules and until the brain is reprogrammed it will continue to resist change.   Temptation will grow stronger and stronger until in a flash of “only once” thinking all the discipline will dance down the street.

There a ways others can reprogram your brain.  One way is someone will tell you, you’re not capable of doing something.  That generally collapses dreams into a pile of rubble.  No amount of encouraging will reverse that one voice that said, “You are never going to be good doing that.”, and of course there doesn’t need to be any truth in the statement.    For some reason our ego believes the negative message and resists the positive message.

Now, imagine what it would be like to be fully able to live the life you are capable of. 

Try not to imagine a pink elephant.  Now try to get that image out of your mind.  What is happening?  A “not” thought sticks.  

Do we become the words or stories we tell ourselves?

relentless focus

Listening is an essential attribute in a client coach relationship.  Each of us carries with us a story, a unique story about the past, present and the future.  Our story is filled with the experiences and events that have shaped our lives. 

For example when we are listening we hear the words (content) and then relate them to our contextual framework (our experience).   As we overlay what we hear with our experience (what is in our memory) we “pop out” of the conversation for a moment and depending on the vividness of the story we may “pop out” of the conversation for a few seconds.   When that happens we have lost connection with the story that is being presented (i.e. we are no longer present). 

Intentional listening takes work and like physical exercise needs to be done often in order to improve.   Listen with intent for thirty seconds each day building towards one minute of focused listening (which means silencing the internal critic in the head).  Process the story and allow the story being told to be the only thing that is being processed.   When there are breaks in concentration quickly return to the full focus of listening.

If the speaker mentions “mountains” our mind will imagine a mountain and in many cases our mind will probe the shape, the orientation, height, cliffs, valleys and other features of that mountain and that takes us away from the story.   Those “pops” out of the listening experience need to be very brief in order to be fully present in the listening process.  

It is not that it is wrong to connect our context with the content of the story because that is how we are able to share experiences even though there are vast differences in the context of the story.   We just need to be careful not to escape into our story when we are listening to the story of another person.

Do you “pop out” of the story or are you disciplined in your listening abilities?

How long can you focus on the story of another person?

What can you do to improve your focus?

Now what if your brain becomes full, what do you do?  [This is where we acknowledge the story, through paraphrasing, echoing, questioning …]