Tag Archives: transparency

4 steps to happiness …

“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”
― Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

 

Are you living the life you want to live?   Would you like to  live a better life?

If you’re not living the life you want then what would it take to live the life you want?   What steps would you take to start living that better life?

The questions are simple.   The answers are hard.   It isn’t that the answers are necessarily difficult but it is hard to sit down and really figure out what you really want.   Often what people say they want isn’t what they really want, it just looks that way.   We can see that in the way people behave.

If you could find peace, would you find it in have more things?   Many people think having more things is what leads to greater peace and it doesn’t.   Being rich doesn’t make people happier, it just changes their problems.   For people with a lot of money it may be that they fear losing it all and being poor.    What do you think?

Back to living a happier life.   Don Miguel Ruiz has a simple formula for building a happier life.    It is four agreements, four essential components to living a better life.

1. Be impeccable with your word.       Living with and in truth in all that you do and say.    That means being truthful with others and yourself.   Imagine your internal self-talk being truthful about who you are.

2. Don’t take anything personally.    Live in your story not someone else’s story.   Reacting to others, what they say or do and allowing that to provoke anger within robs you of happiness.     The opinion others have of you is only a reflection of the world they live in, you are either challenging or confirming their perception.

3. Don’t make assumptions.   We can easily make things up.   If we don’t know what is true we make up stories that match our version of reality.   Our brains want to fill in the gaps and because we have the ability to imagine, we imagine what could be true and fill in the blanks with our interpretation.   The way to truth is through asking questions.

4. Always do your best.  Challenge yourself to do your best.   Sometimes easy isn’t always the best, it is easy to do less than the best.   Focus on your best, define your best and do your best.

What would change for you if you were able to follow those four things?   Just notice throughout the day how you live out those four statements.

1. Is your word impeccable?

2. Are you taking things personally?

3. Are you making assumptions about others,  yourself or events in your life?

4. Are you always doing your best?

Just notice, just look at yourself and reflect.   What can you do different to improve in any of those four areas.   It’s time to take charge of your life.   Living a happier life starts with you.

 

living with greater transparency

“Transparency means radical authenticity, free from ego defenses and impure motives. It’s the ultimate challenge to the ego. You could sit on a meditation cushion until you dropped dead and never have your capacity for radical transparency tested. The real test, for all of us, is in relationship. Come together. When there’s radical transparency and the ego steps aside, each single individual in that extraordinary collective context has access to the power and depth and clarity of the enlightened mind. And that’s when enlightenment really starts to take on new meaning and significance for us all.”  Andrew Cohen

What does transparency in life mean?
What does lack of transparency cost?

Like the iceberg most people only expose a small amount of who they really are.    Being transparent is being honest, it is being authentic, it is being genuine, and it is being open.   That may sound like a lot to do, to be transparent, to be real.

Transparency matters in any relationship and without it trust erodes and when people hide more and more of themselves  they eventually destroying the relationship.   For some there is a belief that if they hide just one thing no one will ever know and that they can keep this secret to themselves.   As Rep. Weiner found out transparency (being honest, being forthright, being open) is important.

What does the transparent leader look like?

or

What does the transparent man or woman look like?

Maybe it looks like,

a. Acknowledge any mistake, find out what the lesson is.
b. Examine what there is to learn from a mistake or misjudgment.
c. Recover from the mistake gracefully, and make things right.
d. Forgive  yourself, let go of the past.
e. Let it go.   Mistakes happen, learn, recover, let go.

What would it mean to others to say, “I made a mistake”?

What would it mean to others to say, ” I am here to listen not to judge”?

Transparency lets others see what is below the surface, it lets them see who you really are.   Transparency is stronger than the fear of revealing any flaw or crack you may have in your character.   The person who is transparent will be stronger than those that aren’t, because when everyone can see who you are and there is nothing to hide there is also nothing to expose.

People who come to a coach want to work through an issue so that they can move forward have to be willing to be transparent.   Being open, being honest and being vulnerable allows the client to grow.    When a client knows they won’t be judged for being transparent it means that they are  free to get to the core issue that is stopping them from achieving their goals.

Being transparent allows you to grow.

What is the lack of transparency costing you?

 

“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”  Maya Angelou

 
 

10 things … for a better you

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. ” Theodore Roosevelt

 

There are a lot of unhappy people in America today.   Worker satisfaction is at a low point with large numbers of people thinking about looking for something else to do.    Job satisfaction is a very important criteria for overall personal well-being and happiness.

1. Find work that is in alignment with your strengths and personality.

2. Have regular authentic and genuine conversations with your manager/supervisor/leader.    (Sometimes this won’t be possible, so ensure you have a trusted person you can speak to in your organization).   People leave organizations where they supervisor is supportive of you.

3. Be authentic.  Why be a fake, be the genuine you even thought you might believe it is difficult.   Being authentic means that you are being honest with yourself and your abilities.   Accept who you are and find what works for you.

3. Be transparent.   Transparency in life means being able to express “who” you are without putting on a mask.   People can see that you are the real deal, not a fake, that you are sincere and are able to do what you say.   Being transparent will allow you to experience less stress in your life.

4. Eat well.   Everyone has stress and some people have a lot of stress.  Find healthy foods and eat more of them.   Diets filled with poor quality calories are leading people to eating more than they need and that leads to poor health in many people.    Good health is less expensive than poor health.    Save money by eating right and losing weight.  

5. Exercise often.   Exercise was part of life not long ago.  Today more and more people spend their day sitting.    Lack of exercise reduces overall strength and health.   Exercise consumes some of the stress hormones the body produces.   Exercise also help people sleep better at night.  

6.  Get enough rest.  People are cramming more and more into each day and cutting back on sleep.   The lack of adequate rest can lower your individual stress threshold making you more vulnerable to stressful events that occur in each day.  

7. Be grateful.   Look around at what is going right in your life.  Notice a sunset and sunrise.   Just take a deep breath and relax in the moment.  Find peace.  Is there a roof over your head, food to eat and clothes to wear.   Sometimes just the basics are overlooked.  

8.  Be thankful.   Thank someone today.   Find a reason to give thanks.   Find someone to thank each day.

9.  Find a reason to smile.   Now if you really can’t find a reason to smile, smile at someone else.  Just smile for the fun of it and see what happens.   Smile to enlighten someone else.   Maybe a smile will cause a giggle to burst out or a laugh.  What is so funny when you smile about nothing at all?

10. Take time out for you.   Find a time, 10 minutes, 15 minutes and just stop doing and start doing nothing.   Just reflect and sit back and relax.   Do this alone, and do it quietly.   Do it each day, form a new habit for yourself.  Quiet the mind for you.

 

“Happiness consists more in small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life.”
Benjamin Franklin

What is humility?

I think humility is an essential ingredient for both coaching and leadership. Humility might be described as thinking of yourself less not thinking less of yourself. Who do we usually put in front of others if not oneself?

What does the practice of humility look like?

Authenticity, transparency and genuineness are ingredients of humility.

Of course pride is the opposite of humility. Pride creeps into our everyday existence.

Arthur Ashe the former tennis great said, “True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever the cost.”