Monthly Archives: October 2013

what you resist …

“Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is… The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds. ”
― Dan Millman

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“what you resist persists”, perhaps you have heard that phrase at least once in your life.

Push against a wall and it pushes back.  Push against the future and it pushes you back into the past.  Resist change and what you have today you’ll have tomorrow.  Be willing to rewrite your future.

What does it take to rewrite your future?   When we write our own future we are doing based on the accumulation of our past experiences to provide guidance in the actions we take.  We leverage our past actions in our present experience and when we do we really aren’t changing or challenging the actions of the past.  To rewrite our future means to bring in something from outside of our routine experiences.  It means looking outside of our realm of experience and seeking something vastly different.   It means breaking from the past to adopt something new.

For many people tomorrow is largely a repeat of the past.  Getting up at the same time, eating the same food, using the same route to work, the same …  (the pattern is the same).   Breaking the pattern requires energy and thought, a new intention, and bringing in something different.   Routines and habits play a big part in your life.   They provide consistency and regularity, and they also reduce the variety and uncertainty that can add value to your life.

Breaking a pattern may create a sense of anxiety, a sense of fear may be generated because it takes thought and attention to do things in a different way and there is a possibility that something could go different (as opposed to right or wrong).  What happens if you take a new route to work and you find the traffic is slower and it takes longer?   What happens if you found a new place that you could stop and enjoy a cup of coffee and get some work done?

The point is to make small deliberate changes each day.  Try something new.  It might be eating something different, just to generate a change.   Take time to relax, intentional relaxation, where you take a time out from all the busyness of life.  Take time to notice what you appreciate about each day.  Take time to acknowledge someone else in your life.   These small changes can make a difference.

“The human spirit lives on creativity and dies in conformity and routine.”
― Vilayat Inayat Khan

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anyone can lead

“Self-leaders are still true leaders even if they have no known followers. True leaders inspire by the influence of their characters and general self-made brands. Leadership is defined by the virtues of one’s behaviour.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

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Are you a leader?   If you said, “No”, think again.  Everyone is a leader even if they only lead themselves.  There are two leaders within you, the tyrant and the creator.

The tyrant is a leader who berates themselves and others.  Someone who demands action and rules with an iron fist.  They don’t give room for error or excuse, just the perfect results.   This type of leader may get results for a while but the people around them will start to leave and find others to work with or associate with.   The tyrant leader is the leader who practices little or no “self-compassion“, and has little or no compassion for others?    The tyrant leader expects people to play by the rules, even the unspoken or unwritten rules and a violation of the rules will lead to punishment.

The creator leader is a leader that has ideas and ambitions but allows others to contribute.  The creator leader listens more than they speak.   They enable the best out of themselves and others.    They get results that are bigger than they expect, others engage and want to contribute.  The creator leader encourages others and themselves to look at opportunity as a challenge that can be overcome rather than being overcome by the challenge.

Which type of leader are you?   Are you the one who demands and cajoles action?  Are you the one who encourages and inspires?   Listen to your own internal self-talk and listen to the words you use on yourself.  Are they positive, are they filled with hope and opportunity, challenge and optimism?   Are they negative and berating, condescending and humiliating?   Which leaders voice do you hear?

The authentic leader is going to lead from the inside as well from the outside with the same language, same attitude and the same respect.   The authentic leader is going the be the leader that gets the best results (internally and externally).

How do you know what type of leader you are?
The tyrant will

1. make demands.
2.  have all the answers
3. not listen
4. speak first
5. push others out

The creator will
1. listen first
2. ask questions
3. encourage and support
4. bring others in
5. makes requests

How do you lead yourself?   How do you lead others?  Have you ever asked others how you lead?

When you are at home, how do you lead?   Do your questions enable others to act or do your demands force people to act?  How does that impact the relationships you have with others.

Think about how you lead and then think how you can lead better.

“Those who mistrust their own abilities are being too wicked to themselves, discouraging themselves from doing what they should have been excelling in. If you are good at discouraging yourself, you can’t be a good leader because leadership is built on inspiring others to face challenges.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

a new story

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou

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Story.   Your life is a story and throughout the pages of your story are moments of joy, regret, sorrow and excitement.   What do you want others to know about your story?

For some people their story is routine, bland and roughly the same everyday.   Year after year they go to work and come back to a place they call home.  The story repeats itself in the spring, summer, fall and winter.   There isn’t something that creates substantial meaning in their story.   It just moves from one clock tick to the next.  Life becomes more about dealing with the bills, weather and occasional routine disrupters that interfere with most people’s lives,  fixing a broken pipe in the dead of winter, mowing the grass, trying to plant a garden, tripping over a piece of worn carpet, getting to work and getting back, talking with the same group of people, complaining about things that won’t change, listening to the news realizing that the story is the same every night, getting groceries, eating, cleaning up, and life goes on.

Life goes on and living has somehow stopped.   Real goals linger as “should do” items on a dusty shelf.   Beauty gets swallowed into a sea of grey thinking.  The crisp edges of life disappear and are replaced with safe routine.

There comes a time in life where reflection of the life lived  begins to ring louder and louder, and begs the questions, “Did I live?”  For most people there is a deep desire to live a life that does matter that there was some contribution, that there was a story worth sharing with others.

What story do you want your life to tell?   What new story do you want to write?

What would make life interesting rather than routine?   What do you want your story to be about?

Start writing a new story today.

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