Think gratitude

“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done.
We will be judged by “I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.”
― Mother Teresa

Herbert lives thousands of miles away from his home town to earn enough money to build a school to educate young children.  He doesn’t have to sacrifice so much to make a difference, but to make a difference he has chosen to sacrifice his time, his work, his money, his family and his career.    He doesn’t make excuses for what he does not have, he looks for ways to bridge the gap between what he does have and what he doesn’t have.

Herbert has a vision to transform the lives of young children in Uganda so that they will have the education and resources to contribute to the success of their community and country when they grow up.

Imagine doing your work and being far, far from your home and family so that you could provide the financial resources to help children who aren’t you own.    How many people do you know that give up their lives to support the lives of others?  Probably not many.   Herbert has a dream to help children have a future and not live in poverty.

He would like to see the school rooms and buildings filled with children learning how to learn.  He would like to see parents see a new hope for the future and not like the future they have now.   He would like to see hundreds of children having access to an early childhood education.   Right now, only the rich can afford to send their children to school.  Herbert wants to see all children have the ability to learn and grow.

Herbert would like to have a well drilled so the children could get access to clean running water.   Right now they have to pay for the water and wait in long lines.   I imagine that when you need water it is easy to get and very inexpensive.    A water project can cost as much as $3000, a project that is rarely affordable in the rural areas of Uganda.

We can be grateful that we don’t have haul our own water in containers to our homes as schools.  We can be grateful that we have running water that is available and cheap.   We can be grateful that we have the ability to get young children educated.  We can be grateful that we have schools that are free.   We can be grateful that we don’t have to live and work far away from our homes to support the causes we believe in.

Herbert would be grateful if he could get some regular contributions to help children in Uganda get an education, provide running water for the school and to be able to supply the children with the books and resources that they need.

You can make a donation here:

You can let others know that a small donation can make a huge difference and know that Herbert and his wife would be truly grateful.

being stuck right where I am and liking it

“We are set in our ways, bound by our perspectives and stuck in our thinking.” ― Joel Osteen

Sometimes people seem to be stuck in the past.  I’ve heard people talk about how they want to change up until the moment they have to do something to create a change in their life.  They are stuck right where they are, bad job, bad relationships, bad finances, bad friends, and just about everything is bad from their point of view and they only want to tell people how bad things are.

Stuck!  Stuck right where they are in misery.   They say they want to make a change and can tell you everything that they want to change, or maybe it is that they really want the world around them to change to meet their view of the world.   Imagine that you could get a better job just by complaining about the one you have right now.  Imagine a marriage being fixed by just complaining about it.  Imagine living in abundance just by complaining about it.   For some people that is what they want, complaints that turn into results.    It doesn’t work that way.

Being stuck can be comfortable when the alternative means making a change.   Change requires facing a fear, the fear of something that could go wrong.  Our brains are tuned so strongly to listen to fear that it drowns out the power of a great idea.  “What if I fail?” rather than “When I succeed”.

When we experience failure we have to plow through the whole grief cycle.

1. Denial – this possibly can’t be.
2. Anger – who’s fault is this anyway, certainly can’t be my fault.
3. Bargaining – there must be some mistake here.
4.  Sadness – I’m not sure I want to do anything
5. Acceptance  – Maybe there is an alternative.

How many people want to experience going through the grief process?  It might be that those who are resilient and realize that temporary setbacks are just that temporary, they are learning experiences rather than a statement that says, “I’m not good enough.”

So, what do you do?  What does it take to push through the barriers of fear?  Look for the positive aspects of change rather than being held back by the fear of change.  How fast you progress through the grief cycle will have some impact on your level of happiness.

Do you want to stay stuck or move forward?

activating personal peace

“Many people think excitement is happiness…. But when you are excited you are not peaceful. True happiness is based on peace.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

When was the last time you experienced personal peace?    In our high tech, high results world we tend to experience more stress than peace.

More and more people are in the grips of stress and it is affecting their health, their outlook on life and it is affecting their emotions.   You’ve probably have seen people who are too stressed, too angry and depressed.  Those people aren’t experiencing much in terms of personal peace.

It is hard to cram all of what life demands into a 24 hour day and yet people try.   They take shortcuts on their exercise, their diet, and their sleep and wonder why they have a short temper, are gaining weight and feel physically ill.

Lissa Rankin has written a book about her personal question for personal peace.   One of the remedies getting free of the stuff that creates a lot of stress.   For Lissa it was getting away from a stress producing job and creating a less stressful way of life.

Lissa’s process can help you manage stress in your life.  Healing starts with a lifestyle that is less hectic.

Because stress impacts our ability to think and keep our emotions intact, here’s another resource that can provide you with information to improve the quality of your life.

Increasing compassion in your life will help you improve your ability to relate and develop relationships with others.   Being more generous sends a positive message to others and reduces tension.  Kindness will do more good in a tense situation than staying angry.  Take charge of your emotions and become more compassionate.  Express kindness and see if it increases cooperation with others.

Imagine shifting your language to get better personal and professional results.  Perhaps your interactions with others is stressed and it feels uncomfortable.  Maybe the relationship with your co-workers or associates isn’t what you want it to be.   There are ways to build better relationships.  One way is with the words you use (take a look at the short video clip below).

Another way to increase personal peace is through meditation.   Just spending a few minutes each day meditation can bring about positive emotional health benefits.   To learn more about meditation practices take a look at “How to do Mindful Meditation”.

Learn how to activate personal peace in your life, to reduce stress, increase emotional well-being and to live a happier life.

choosing to become

“I am not what happened to me.
I am what I chose to become.”

~ Carl Jung

The mindset of many in today’s culture is that things happen to them, things that are out of their control,  that lead to bad outcomes.   No matter what is happening in their life all some people experience is the worst of life.   How we experience life is a choice.  We have the choice to make the most of a bad day or let the bad day make the least out of us.

Being a victim of external events removes power from anyone.   Choosing to be caught in arguments, conflict, or negative situations without stepping back and pausing to see if the issue is that important puts us in a negative mental position. You can detect victim behavior by their language and how they blame others or the situation they are in for their attitude, how they can’t get things done or how bad they feel.    Being a victim is a choice.

The other side of choice is driven by an attitude that says,  “I take responsibility for my life and how I feel.”   The person who desires to use the language of positivity will experience greater happiness and success.   Those that choose to be grateful and positive will see better outcomes than those who believe that everything that goes wrong is an insult to them.

Learning how to become the person you want to be is a choice.  Being the best you can be is something you can take charge of.   If you know of someone who is always in the mode of a victim, who can’t seem to find positive outcomes in their life they may be a great candidate for coaching.     Have them contact me at dan@danweigold.com for a free coaching consultation.  Find out how you or someone you know can move from “poor me” to “powerful me”.   It is your choice.
Are you happier?

4 steps to happiness …

“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”
― Miguel Ruiz

 

Are you living the life you want to live?   Would you like to  live a better life?

If you’re not living the life you want then what would it take to live the life you want?   What steps would you take to start living that better life?

The questions are simple.   The answers are hard.   It isn’t that the answers are necessarily difficult but it is hard to sit down and really figure out what you really want.   Often what people say they want isn’t what they really want, it just looks that way.   We can see that in the way people behave.

If you could find peace, would you find it in have more things?   Many people think having more things is what leads to greater peace and it doesn’t.   Being rich doesn’t make people happier, it just changes their problems.   For people with a lot of money it may be that they fear losing it all and being poor.    What do you think?

Back to living a happier life.   Don Miguel Ruiz has a simple formula for building a happier life.    It is four agreements, four essential components to living a better life.

1. Be impeccable with your word.       Living with and in truth in all that you do and say.    That means being truthful with others and yourself.   Imagine your internal self-talk being truthful about who you are.

2. Don’t take anything personally.    Live in your story not someone else’s story.   Reacting to others, what they say or do and allowing that to provoke anger within robs you of happiness.     The opinion others have of you is only a reflection of the world they live in, you are either challenging or confirming their perception.

3. Don’t make assumptions.   We can easily make things up.   If we don’t know what is true we make up stories that match our version of reality.   Our brains want to fill in the gaps and because we have the ability to imagine, we imagine what could be true and fill in the blanks with our interpretation.   The way to truth is through asking questions.

4. Always do your best.  Challenge yourself to do your best.   Sometimes easy isn’t always the best, it is easy to do less than the best.   Focus on your best, define your best and do your best.

What would change for you if you were able to follow those four things?   Just notice throughout the day how you live out those four statements.

1. Is your word impeccable?

2. Are you taking things personally?

3. Are you making assumptions about others,  yourself or events in your life?

4. Are you always doing your best?

Just notice, just look at yourself and reflect.   What can you do different to improve in any of those four areas.   It’s time to take charge of your life.   Living a happier life starts with you.

 

a shift towards gratitude

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What could change if you were more grateful?

It turns out that gratitude is one of the most important attributes of the happy person. Circumstances shape a life, gratitude makes a life. David Horsager the author of the “Trust Edge” writes that the “single greatest commonality of happy people is an attitude of gratitude”.  Why don’t we practice being grateful if that is one of the keys to happiness?

To be a grateful person it takes a bit of humility, ability to listen to others with empathy, to see the potential of others, to see your own potential, to encourage others, and to be genuine.   In a mixed up world that we live into today more people are worried about how “they” fit into the world, how they gain or profit from others.   Being grateful means showing that you care about others and other things that are not materialistic in nature.

Given the violence that was experienced a week ago at a small school in Newtown, Connecticut many people were reminded to be grateful for each moment.   Every moment matters and taking care to be grateful for the preciousness of life is important.

Join a campaign of gratefulness today.   Inspire others with your words or take a moment to reflect on what you are grateful for.     Take a look at a sunset or a sunrise and marvel at the beauty.  Just take a few minutes out of your day to STOP and be grateful.

Take a look at “The Gratitude Book Project” for 2013 and get ideas on how to be more grateful.    If gratefulness is a direct link to greater happiness then learn how to be more grateful.

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”
― Maya Angelou

“You can get anything in life that you want if you help enough other people get what they want.”             Zig Ziglar, speaker, author and salesman

How can you help others succeed?

When those you work with are more successful it boosts the results of the entire organization.    What do you do on a daily basis that helps those around you be more productive, more successful and more loved?

It doesn’t matter where you are in life or on what stage you are playing, you can help others achieve more.   It might be simple things, like doing something for someone else with no expectation of receiving anything in return.   Perhaps it is fetching someone a cup of coffee when they are focused on getting some work done and allowing them to get that work done.   Maybe it is doing a few more chores around the home so that one person isn’t doing all the work or maybe it is giving a loved one a few minutes of relaxation that they wouldn’t otherwise have.

There are many ways, perhaps hundreds of ways that you can help others be more successful.

Now, what makes this beneficial to you?   There is a well known rule of human behavior called reciprocity.   If you give to others they will feel an obligation to give back.  It is an unwritten rule of behavior, you give others want to give back. They don’t want to feel that there is an imbalance of giving and receiving and as a result you’ll see others step up their game when you help them improve theirs.

Will it work all of the time?   Maybe not,  some people may never sense an obligation to anyone else but themselves, so help them anyway.   Give them an extra dose of encouragement,  a helping hand even when they haven’t asked or a gift of a few minutes of time to relax.   Whatever you give to them will come back in one form or another to you.   It may not be today, but there will be a time when that gift you gave is returned to you in abundance.

Try it … give to others and help them in some way to have a better day.

the common man

“I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in one respect I’ve succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Today I have a guest who wrote the following  poem  it is written by a man who lives in Christchurch, NZ.   Let James tell you the story of the common man.   Do we really live in this type of world?

Common Man  by James Wilkes

We’re all different and we’re all the same
Life, living, loving, it’s not a game.
We have one world, one chance and if we don’t change this could be our last dance. The rich strive for more and more, the poor do with less and less….what a mess.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

We arrive and leave through the same door, it’s just some of us get so much more. How did this happen I hear you pray, we’re the same aren’t  we, that’s what I heard you say. Maybe George did have insight; some of us are more equal by birth right?  If I’m here and you’re there, surely we both breathe air. We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

You ride in a Rolls, I ride on a bike and some others I know, they just hike. As silly as it sounds we’re all going the same way; it will just take some longer than others on this day.

We all step on the planet, we all look up at the sun, it just seems that some have all the fun.  It’s not hard to share and it’s not hard to care, all we have to do is just dare.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

Creativity is key, imagination is free, we can do something about all this, just wait and see.  We learnt to fly, we went to the moon, surely we can manage to get some food on a spoon.  Black and white, yellow and brown, we’re all in it together so come on down.  Feel inside, feel around and look up, not down.  We’re all different and we’re all the same. Why can’t we change, it’s such a shame.

—

 

find self-compassion

“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.”  Tara Brach

You spill the cup of coffee you just brewed and it splashes over your clothing leaving a nice brown stain.    What are you saying to yourself?

What do you say to yourself when you don’t meet your expectations, when you are late, when you say something you shouldn’t, when you forget an important meeting, when you oversleep or when you get a speeding ticket? What are you telling yourself?

Many people find that their message to themselves upon any unmet expectation is filled with insults and derision that would never be heard by someone else.   People become their own worst enemy and call themselves names that only reduce their ability to succeed.   Some people believe telling themselves that they are “not good enough” as a way to motivate themselves to better results and often it only yields more of that same message … “you’re not good enough”.   Before long that becomes their internal truth and all they do by yelling at themselves is provide confirmation that they aren’t living up to the world’s standards or their own.    If they are “not good enough” then that means people around them aren’t good enough either and it sours those relationships as well.

What do you tell yourself when you don’t meet your own expectations?

What if you could tell yourself a different message?    You can.   New research is being done in the area of self-compassion.    It might be worth reading about or learning more about.   Practicing self-compassion just means that things can go wrong and that it is OK.

You can change what you tell yourself when things don’t go exactly as planned.   Instead of beating yourself up, try this just say it to yourself:

“This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of my life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.”  (From Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff)

Just repeat those lines and practice it for a week.   See if you can notice a difference.   Go ahead every time you are ready to condemn yourself say those lines above instead.

To hear more about self-compassion listen to this video: