Monthly Archives: December 2014

10 rules for better relationships

“How would your life be different if…You decided to give freely, love fully, and play feverously? Let today be the day…You free yourself from the conditioned rules that limit your happiness and dilute the beautiful life experience. Have fun. Give – Love – Play!”
― Steve Maraboli

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A lot of people would like to be happier, to have better relationships with others and wonder why they don’t.   How are your relationships?  How are your relationships with those you work with and share time with?   What is missing in your relationships?

It seems that a lot of people I work with struggle with some of their relationships, many of them are with the managers they work for.   Some people aren’t being challenged enough and are afraid to ask for more.  Others don’t believe their superiors listen to them and feel taken advantage of.   Almost everything we do is based on relationships and we can take a few steps to make them better.

Here are 10  rules for improving relationships.

Rule #1 – Serve the other person.  Make their lives better.

Rule #2 – Practice random acts of kindness.  How can you make the day better for someone else?

Rule #3 – Release your anger.  Give up being angry about things that have happened in the past.  Anger is about fear, so identify what you fear and watch the anger melt away.

Rule #4 – Grow.  Invest in learning and growing.  Becoming a better person will enrich your relationships.

Rule #5 – Listen.  It’s simple, it’s hard to do.   What are people really saying?  Listen to what they say and let them know you heard what they said.

Rule #6 – Appreciate.  Say “Thank-you”.  Some people who you would like to have a better relationship with have never heard you say “Thank-you”.   Show them that you appreciate who they are and what they do.

Rule #7 – Honor Commitments.  Build trust with others by honoring your commitments and if you can’t meet a commitment let the other person know when you will meet your commitment.  Trust is essential in a relationship and honoring commitments builds trust.

Rule #8 – Be honest.   It is easy not to be honest when it is easier to blame someone else or to change the truth so you feel better.  Honesty requires that you take responsibility for your actions and your words.

Rule #9 – Don’t wait.  If something feels wrong or is wrong then don’t wait for it to go away.   Solve the problem right away.

Rule #10 – Love more.  Love has power.  Love is the opposite of fear and those who love more have better relationships.  Love heals.  Love forgives.

Pick a rule and adopt it for yourself and use it daily.   Add a new rule to your life and see what it does for you.  Don’t wait for someone else to change or make the relationship better, go out and make it better yourself.

What rules would you add?

What would help make your relationship with others better?

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getting giving right

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”
― Gretchen Rubin

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Where do you put your attention when you give?   Are you giving out of desire our out of obligation?  How does it feel if  you feel you have to give?

This is the season that we pause to think about our giving choices and perhaps give to those who are less fortunate than we are.  Miracles can happen when giving is done because there is just a desire to give.  Giving to someone, or some organization that brings hope to others is really worthwhile.

Giving is good for our bodies and giving is good for our nervous system.  Giving promotes a sense of wellbeing.

When giving think about the experience you want to create.   What story do you want to create with your gift or what story do you want to create because of your gift?  What emotions do you want to experience?

When giving think about the person or organization you are giving to, what do they really need?   Find out what would work best and meet those needs.  Your gift will be more rewarding when you meet their needs.

Make the giving fun, make it into an event, make it magical.  What would create a warm and wonderful experience as a result of your giving?   A smile goes a long way.  Give because you want to.

mastering life

“Perhaps the severest requirement of the good life is to have the constancy of mind to maintain our joy and gratitude even amid hardship, pain, and injustice.”

Brendon Burchard from the Motivation Manifesto

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Have you ever asked the question what do people want?  What do people really want?   Is it more money?  For some it is but for most it isn’t.  Is it a better job, for some that may be the case but there are some who have their dream job.   Is traveling what you want?  Is it a better relationship?  Is it personal growth?  Is it the feeling of significance?  What is it that people want?

The answer might be as simple as a choice.  The choice to do what really matters most is what people want.  Work is often a choice for many people if it is engaging and meaningful.  Relationships that are fulfilling and allow for personal growth is a choice many would like to be able to make.   What kind of choices could you make to increase vitality and joy in your life?

What dreams have you had that dried up and blew away that you wish you made the choice to follow?   The choice was there at one time and you ignored its call to follow something that others would say is more important.  What if you had that chance again would you follow your dream?

The mastery of life is about making the best choices for you.  It is about living your life authentically and with vitality.   The mastery of life is about creating wonderful goals that inspire and motivate you and then doing what you can with what you have to realize those goals.   The mastery of life is about being aware of who you are and what you are doing.  The mastery of life is about having the ability to make choices.  What choices are you making that will make your life rich with significance?

A new year is around the corner.  What changes do you want to make in your life?What do you want to do that matters most to you?   What is stopping you from realizing your dreams?

Mastery is not something that strikes in an instant, like a thunderbolt, but a gathering power that moves steadily through time, like weather.”
― John Gardner

do more great work

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”
― William Shakespeare

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Are you held back by your own doubts?   Doubt cripples the ability to do great work.   What great work do you want to do?

For some people they are driven to do something great with their life and push on those thoughts everyday, taking action to make things happen.  Others, sit in a cubicle and wish they were doing something else, something that was exciting and used their skills and talents fully.   Are you using your talents fully?

There are those that do have great jobs, great pay and are admired by others but some of those people are plagued with doubt, “Am I good enough to do this work?” or “Is the work I am doing appreciated by anyone.”    I’ve heard stories of people wondering if the work they are doing really matters.    Are you one of those people who is wondering if their work matters?   When I ask them if they have talked to their manager about their work they say, “No, my manager doesn’t have time” or “I’m not sure I should talk to my manager.”   If your manager doesn’t have time to talk to you how would you know how you are doing.   If you feel unsure about talking with your manager then what type of relationship do you have with your manager.   A manager should be serving you and helping you to be your best so that you can do “great work”.

If you aren’t doing great work what is stopping you?