release the inner worrier

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

What does worry accomplish?  As far as I know worry has accomplished nothing. Either there is a way to solve a problem or there isn’t and worry does nothing to help solve the problem.

Worry is the anticipation of a negative outcome based on a story that you strongly believe.   For most people I simply ask them, “Is that story true?”   Most people don’t believe the story is true and so I ask them, “How will worry help you?”  The usual answer, “It won’t”.

So, “Why worry?”

The big challenge is trying to release the “what if” thoughts the mind can conjure up.  The mind is looking for some way to brace for a potential negative outcome.  In other words “fear”.    Fear downs out the hope of today in exchange for the uncertainty of tomorrow.

Release the worry and replace it with practical actions you can take.  Understand what you have control over and what you don’t.  If you can’t control it or change the circumstances you’ve been placed in worry won’t help you.    A student may worry about getting a good grade on a test.  In that situation they have control over what they study and review to improve their chances of doing well.    Worry won’t help them do better or even prepare to take the test.

Think about the situation you face.   What is the best action you can take?  What do you have control over?

creating a more positive image

“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life,it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!”
― Robert T. Kiyosaki

What do you believe about yourself?   Do you believe that you are the total sum of what others have said about you?   Did you believe the teachers, parents, relatives, friends or others that said, “You are ___________”?

Most people believe what others say about them and then build their internal story to match what the outside world has told them they should be or what they shouldn’t be.  Teachers may have told you that “you’ll never amount to __________” and left an indelible mark on your story.   You may have believed that “I won’t be able to live my dreams.”   That story became your life.  Others may have influenced you as well and killed your biggest dream.   Think about it for a few minutes.  What did others say you were going to be or do in life?   What story do you still carry around with you?

The story becomes a belief, the mask hides the true self from the authentic self and life becomes less than what it could really be.    There are three key beliefs that impact your personal image.

1. Personal.  The belief that what you hear is true and that is the truth about who you are.   With enough repetition there is a shift in some people to a mode of helplessness.

2. Pervasive.    The idea that all external messages are pointed to you and are negative.   That all negative things are in a sense apply to all things, as in “everything is bad.”

3. Permanent.  It’s not that things are bad, things are going to get worse.   The tide of woe is only going to grow and there is no hope at all.

One way to improve your self-image is to look at the things you do control and the things you don’t control.   Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center.  On the left write “control” and the right write “don’t control”.   Write down all the things you do control and then write down all the things you don’t control.   You can manage what you do control.   Leave what you can’t control behind.

Listen to Professor Seligman describe the state of psychology here:

when leaders fail to lead

“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”
― Lao Tzu

Maybe you’ve seen it before, a callous remark by someone who has a role of leadership that says, “I’m more important than you!”.   Maybe you’ve felt those sentiments and asked yourself, “is this the place I want to work at.”   High performance organizations know how to engage the staff and find ways to inspire   their staff so they can excel, does yours?

What kind of organization do you work at?   What do the leaders say to you?  How to they encourage you to be your best?  How do you they encourage you to learn?

There is a distinct difference between leadership and management.  Managing is about getting specific results and in older models people used command and control to get those results.   Today work is far less about being told what to do, and rather more about inspiring people to commit their best.   Some leaders haven’t figured that out yet and believe that leadership is about controlling others.

Companies that enjoy great success often are led by people who inspire and engage all the staff in the company.    Effective leadership is often driven by engaging the positive emotions of the people that are being led.    Positive emotions can be leveraged to create the opportunity for desired change.

When was the last time you spoke with a leader in your organization where you were encouraged to excel?

What does leadership look like in your organization?

Examine your answers.  Determine what kind of organization you work for and what type of leadership is being exhibited.   Observe your emotions over the course of a day, or a week.  What sensations do you have?   How do you feel when you get home?   Energized, drained, indifferent?

One example of a company that is well led is Trilogy Health Care Services.  Take a look at their mission and vision.

In this video clip learn what Bob Davis has to say about leadership and what it takes to lead authentically.

 

positivity for greater success

“We all have ability. The difference is how we use it”
— Stevie Wonder

What would it mean to you to improve your mental outlook?   What would it mean to feel better, have fewer headaches, fewer pains and aches, and less stress?   It is all available to you by changing your thoughts.  Change your thoughts and you change your emotions.   

Your thoughts produce your emotions.   It may take a few minutes to think about that so do just that, think about what that means.  Let’s say something happens outside of your control, like a rock hits your windshield as your driving down the road.  “Smack” … it’s loud, and for a second you may not know what has happened.   The car is still moving forward and you are trying to figure out what has happened.  You brain is in overdrive.  The adrenaline is rushing out through the body.   Flight-Fight-Freeze, which action are you going to take.   Your brain wants you to do something but you don’t know what that something is.    Now you see a crack on the window starting to form … and now you’re wondering what the cause was.  What is it that you are saying?   What words are you using and what thoughts do you have?   The more you think perhaps the angrier you get, or maybe you’re thankful that it wasn’t worse.   You’re thinking about what happened and generating emotions of relief, anger or something different.

What if we thought positive thoughts rather than negative ones, what do you think would happen?  Well, you’d start feeling better.   A bad day could become a great day.  Whatever it is you’re making a conscious choice to feel or be something.

Listen to Barbara Fredrickson explain how to generate positive emotions.

choosing to become

“I am not what happened to me.
I am what I chose to become.”

~ Carl Jung

The mindset of many in today’s culture is that things happen to them, things that are out of their control,  that lead to bad outcomes.   No matter what is happening in their life all some people experience is the worst of life.   How we experience life is a choice.  We have the choice to make the most of a bad day or let the bad day make the least out of us.

Being a victim of external events removes power from anyone.   Choosing to be caught in arguments, conflict, or negative situations without stepping back and pausing to see if the issue is that important puts us in a negative mental position. You can detect victim behavior by their language and how they blame others or the situation they are in for their attitude, how they can’t get things done or how bad they feel.    Being a victim is a choice.

The other side of choice is driven by an attitude that says,  “I take responsibility for my life and how I feel.”   The person who desires to use the language of positivity will experience greater happiness and success.   Those that choose to be grateful and positive will see better outcomes than those who believe that everything that goes wrong is an insult to them.

Learning how to become the person you want to be is a choice.  Being the best you can be is something you can take charge of.   If you know of someone who is always in the mode of a victim, who can’t seem to find positive outcomes in their life they may be a great candidate for coaching.     Have them contact me at dan@danweigold.com for a free coaching consultation.  Find out how you or someone you know can move from “poor me” to “powerful me”.   It is your choice.
Are you happier?

energy factors

“The sage produces without possessing, acts without expectations, and accomplishes without abiding in her accomplishments. It is precisely because she does not abide in them that they never leave her.”
― Lao Tzu

Our brain influences more powerfully with negative messages. Have you noticed those days when your energy levels just seem to be depleted? What makes one day significantly different from any other day? What engages you so that you have energy?

Your thoughts play a big part in how much energy you have and how  you feel.   The good part is that you can change your thoughts at any time.   You’ve already done this before, you’ve turned a lot of negative energy (anger) into neutral energy in a second.    In flash you can go from angry to kind and kind to angry.     You can go from being filled with energy to feeling totally drained.   What changed?

Bad news.   Someone conveys bad news to you and suddenly a sense of fear or loss stirs within you.  Just before that you were energized, happy and motivated and in an instant it drained away.

Would it be a true statement to say that all of your negative feelings, lack of energy is self-generated?    Your energy (or lack thereof) doesn’t come from the circumstances you face, but rather to the attention you give the circumstances and judge as good or bad, favorable or unfavorable.

You have the ability to tap into your positive energy by noticing that you have within you a capacity for empathy, exploration, innovation, direction and action.   Putting a focus on each of those five elements enables you to build internal energy.

The first step to reducing energy zapping moments is to acknowledge those moments.   This isn’t a time to judge the event.   It is a time to notice the event and looking at it without a filter of being either good or bad, just notice it as an event.   “this event took place and I feel ____________”.

When you focus on the event with judgement it clouds your ability to look for opportunity in the event.   In other words it narrows the focus to a point where all the energy is focused on one thing … “you”.    Depending on the state of mind you are in that high focus could be negative or positive energy.   The likelihood of having a negative feeling is far greater than having a positive one.

To activate the positive, consider approaching the negative circumstances you experience in a new way.   Consider treating yourself with a dose of empathy.   Look for new ways to interpret your feelings.   Develop a new story, a story that has the ability to energize you.   Look for the opportunity in the situation.  Turn the energy into positive action.     Do something creative with your energy.

To take this topic a bit further listen to Chamine Shirzad explain the concepts of Positive Intelligence.   Find something you can do today to implement a part of PI in your life.

positive intelligence … what is your score?

“People forget they have options. And they forget that those things don’t really matter. They should concentrate on what they have and not what they don’t have. And by the way, wishing and dreaming doesn’t mean concentrating on what you don’t have, its positive thinking that encourages hoping and believing, not whining and moaning.”
― Cecelia Ahern

Have you heard the voice of the critic?   It’s a voice that says “You’re not good enough”  or “who are you to do this?”.   It is a voice that diminishes your potential and success in life.   Have you heard this voice lately?

Inside all of us is a little voice that criticizes, complains, whines and tells us we aren’t able.   For some, all they  hear is the voice of the saboteur and it stops them from making progress in their life, career, relationships and more.  Learning how to manage the voice and shift it from negative to positive can greatly alter how you experience life.

Do you want to know to what degree that voice is influencing your life?   Take the Positive Intelligence Assessment and find out.   It only takes a few minutes of time and will give you an idea of where your energy is going.    Simply click the link and register and take a two quick assessments (for FREE).   Knowing where your energy is going, to what voices you are listening to will help you understand what changes you can make today to live a better life.

Here,  find out more about Positive Intelligence, listen to Shirzad explain what it is about.

Questions – to ask or not to ask

The door to learning is opened by curiosity.   Curiosity is awakened by the use of questions that probe for understanding.

What is the bee seeking?  Why  is the bee curiously hovering over the flower?

Our brains want to solve problems and if we frame the question the right way we build up a reservoir of optimism, positivity and hope.   If we frame our questions in a negative manner we ultimately undermine who we are and the world starts to crumble in front of us.

Our questions are formed by habit.  That is we don’t think about the kinds of questions we ask, we frame the questions based on our view of the world.   What is happening to me?  or How can I make today better?

Think about the questions you ask?   Are they the kinds of questions that build you up or tear you down?   What is your internal dialog like?   What do you say to yourself?   What questions are you asking yourself? Take a look at the following video clip.

How can you shift your questions?

What benefits do you think you’ll get by looking at your questions differently?

What steps will you take today to ask more powerful questions?

relief

“How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish.” Catherine Pulsifer

It’s a job, it’s barely a job and every morning getting the foot on the floor is more and more difficult.   It’s a life, it’s barely a life and every day it seems that the bills grow larger and larger.   It’s a relationship, it’s barely a relationship with more and more time spent in arguing about each other’s faults and failures.  It’s a diet, it’s barely a diet that works, that is helpful in losing weight.   It’s motivation, it barely the motivation that is needed to improve all the things that are going wrong in life.

There are many people looking for some sort of relief, a way to get through the day, to get through the moment and to feel like there is some purpose and meaning in life.    For many people it is a struggle to stay focused and get something done, there is no relief in their life, just the constant struggle to make it through the day.

What if there was a way to get relief but a way to get more out of life so that everyday is purpose filled and engaging?  What would it be like to feel alive everyday?  What would it be like?

In many cases it is the way we think about life that makes it a struggle.  The difference between an optimistic look at life and a pessimistic look at life is the difference between happiness and despair.     Relief comes when we start looking at life in a new way.

Here are three ways to find relief.

1. Meditate.   Studies show that meditation is reducing stress,  improving happiness and yielding better results in school.

2. Resilience.   People who are able to bounce back from unfortunate circumstances get relief faster.   Increasing positive to negative thoughts ratio increases resilience.

3. Mindfulness.  Focus on creating positive thoughts that break the cycle of negative thinking.

When we shift our mental picture of what is happening to us at any given time from negative to positive we enjoy greater relief.  Moving from worry to opportunity creates a sense of excitement and wonder in our lives.  Ingesting positive thoughts improves our mood and ability to bounce back from bad things in our life.

Where do you need relief?   What can you do today to generate positive thoughts?   What do you really want to be different in your life?

Relief is available to you when you meditate, bounce back and are mindful of what can be done rather than focusing on what has happened.   Relieve your mind of the burden of negative thinking and you will experience relief.

just words

“Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.”  Jim Rohn

 

Words take you on journeys to distant lands.  Words can create dreams that illuminate a path, a path where the choices you make bring light to your future.   For some people words condemn and hold them to the past, a nightmarish recollection of what once was.

Words that turn off the creative senses  leave the mind as a vast dry desert.
Words that churn in place in the mind  grate at the soul and produce worry, anxiety, and even panic.   Words, just words, just mixed up words and feelings that form chains that hold you back from realizing something better.

,p>Those words that collide with your heart, what are they saying?    What is it that the words are trying to do?   What words are you filling your mind with?    Are you filling your mind with the words of hope, experience, confidence, wisdom and beauty?
Many people fill their minds with words that say ,”No you can’t”, “Who are you to be that?”,  “You aren’t good enough?”,  “Don’t even try that”, or “You’ll just fail again.”     What are you filling your mind with?

Now how about putting some of these words to use in your daily life.

Alive, Beaming,Complete,Courageous,Cultivate,Cure,Dazzling,Divine,Effortless  Energized,Energy,Enthusiastic,Fit,Flourish,Freedom,Full,Glow,Grin,Healed Healing,Healthy,Heart,Light,Live,Miracle,Motivate,Nourish,Perfect,Present Refresh,Rejuvenate,Relax,Renew,Restore,Robust,Serenity,Shine,Sustain Thrive,Transformation,Upbeat,Vibrant,Well,Whole

Acknowledge someone.
Affirm someone.
Thank someone.
Smile at someone.
Use your words to build up yourself and others.

“When true self-remembering comes, one does not want to alter oneself, or others; one somehow rises above their weaknesses and one’s own. There can be no blame anywhere. One swallows what is, and becomes free.”

Rodney Collin