the inspiration age

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
Paulo Coelho

The industrial age may be dead yet many are still living in that era.   The industrial age lived by the notion of perfectionism.   The industrial age perfected the art of manufacturing reducing defects so that there were the fewest defects possible.    The age of no-defects infected our schools where achievement blocked the door to inspiration and innovation.

To grow is to fail.  In the industrial age to grow meant to not make mistakes.   When the predominant thought and action is to reduce mistakes, to stop mistakes from occurring we limit our ability to grow and learn.

The education system is based on mass production, minimal failure and following a prescribed set of instructions. The mass production mindset must shift to new consumer demands which is based on experience rather than massive quantities of stuff. The era where material goods were supposed to create happiness is coming to a close. What people are demanding now are enjoyable experiences (Look at FarmVille, World of Warcraft, or Angry Birds).  It doesn’t mean that a whole life will be spent in the pursuit of entertainment, it means that the world of work will need to shift to work life of experience rather than mass production.

What does experience based work look like.

1.  Life without cubicles

2. Work without command and control

3. Worth of people over worth of work

4. Flexibility to meet family demands

5.  Gender equality

6. Dynamic work roles  (as opposed to just one job a variety of interesting work)

7. Meaning in the experience

8. Collaborative contribution

9. Dynamic leadership

10. Work becomes play

What do you think the innovation age will bring?   What will work look like?  What will life really be like in a few years?

Look at this model as explained by one of Google’s employees, would it work in the age of innovation?

Living with the shame of “I am not good enough”

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”  Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Give that title of the post some thought.   What is the one thing that has stopped you from living out your life fully?    Is it the inability to admit that you failed or that you could fail?   Is it not being good enough and the fear of letting someone down is paralyzing?

Vulnerability is a key ingredient for trust.   Trust in organizations hides because there isn’t a culture of vulnerability and why should there be vulnerability when you can’t be vulnerable.  We stop short of being vulnerable because we fear what would happen if we were and even if we have permission there is a silent voice in our mind saying “Don’t say another word”  and we hesitate and withdraw our voice and our contribution.    “What if I am not good enough?” and that is what holds so many people at bay.

It is no wonder that 85% of people desire to do something other than what they are currently being paid to do.   What would happen if everyone raised their voice and said, “This isn’t the right job for me … “.    They won’t say it because they don’t have something better to go to and fear holds them back chained to work that sucks the life out of them.     “Who am I … “, and that voice kills innovation, kills creativity, kills excitement and kills contribution, “who am I” to have a voice, to have an idea, to have a dream and to make a difference.

It comes across as “who am I to have a purpose”.    The question “what is your purpose?” most often has a response of “I don’t know.”     Living without purpose  is like being a robot just “doing things” and hoping something good will come of it.   Purpose is the foundation for living a meaningful life.    What crumbles that foundation is the inability to be vulnerable to admit failure, to admit that it wasn’t perfect the first time and to believe that there was fault behind that failure that belonged to you.

Take a look at this video clip from Brene’  Brown, listen to her story, her explanation of what vulnerability is and isn’t and what shame is and how it leads down a path of personal destruction.

So much of what coaching is, is restoring that faith in the person that they are worthy of great things because they have greatness inside.   That greatness has been swallowed up in shame and that keeps vulnerability from doing its work, bringing you to greatness.

Take a look!

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I know how to do that …

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
Maya Angelou

Have you ever been to a conference, lecture, seminar or read a book and said to yourself, “I how how to do that?” and thought I could do that.    It’s not what you know how to do, it is what you do with what you know.    The difference between high performers and the rest is that the high performers take action on what they know.  They do it!  They take action and get results.

So where are you?

Idea
Plan
Action

Many people have great ideas and they’ll tell you all about the great ideas they have.   No plan … and no action.   You may have heard about “the great idea” that someone had.   No action, no results.

A great idea with a plan is at least a step further.   A great plan without any action is just  a plan.

Recently someone was telling me of this book they had written.   It’s written and waiting to be put into an envelope to be sent to a prospective publisher.   Written  and sitting.   Some people would say, “What are you waiting for?”.    Without action you’ll never know what the results would be.

What are you waiting for?

What one great idea do you have that is just waiting for the “right time”?

It is what you do that matters.

Check out the best coaching blogs … click below.

— best coaching blog — you answer the question.

“As simple as it sounds, we all must try to be the best person we can; by making the best choices, by making the most of the talents we’ve been given.”
Mary Lou Retton

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So, check it out, check out the blog contest, and vote for the best coaching blog.

focal point … the daily goal

“He well knew his mind’s natural tendency to be endlessly on a thousand subjects at once, to flit from this to that and to the next thing to no particular purpose–indeed, he called it his “butterfly mind.”   Eric Metaxas

Focus – on the one thing.   Our society is turning more and more into a society with more ADHD like attributes.  People are being asked to do more than one thing at a time and it is killing productivity.   You’ve read the hiring ads, “must be able to handle multiple tasks” or “handle multiple interrupts and work on several projects in parallel”.   Study after study show that the mind can not do more than “one” thing at a time.   What employers are asking for are people that are willing to fail to deliver results.

There are people who say they can multitask, that can do more than one thing at once.  Try solving 2 math problems at the same time in your head.   Try typing and listening at the same time (really listening).   If you’re typing and listening then try repeating back what you heard.   Type at your normal rhythm and then listen to something with some level of thought required, what happens?  Now try that same exercise only focusing on the typing and then just listening?   What were the results?    Try that exercise and time it.   Time how long it takes to do the typing and listening alone.   Then do those same two tasks at the same time.   What was different?

Focus, the brain works better when you focus on completing just one thing at a time.    Perhaps some of your day is going to be interrupt driven, where requests  come flying at you from all sides.   Dedicate a part of the day to being inefficient. Also dedicate a part of the day where there are no meetings, just focused, one objective at a time results driven work.    Make the chunk of time to dedicate to focused work about 90 minutes.   If possible get two 90 minute blocks of time to focus only on getting work done.  No calls – no email – no interruptions – just focused work.

Experiment – just try doing one thing at a time.

Write down the key goal for the day.   Why are you doing that one thing?   Is that the most important thing that should be done today?   What will it take to get it done?    When is it going to get done?  And then break down the big goal into some tasks – things that are easier to digest and attack them with all vigor.   Note the results, what was the outcome and did you achieve the intended outcome?

Six steps to failure

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”   Paulo Coelho

There are many ways to fail as there are many ways to succeed.    Knowing how to succeed has been a challenge for many people.  How do I achieve success?   One of the ways is to understand what leads to the undesired results.

Here are six ways to fail.   Add your own.

1. Sleep in.   Don’t take an interest in making a contribution.

2. Stop learning.  The world is changing quickly, failure to keep pace will lead to fewer opportunities.

3. Be self focused.   Focus on you and you alone.  Without strong networks of people you become invisible.

4. Take rather than give.   Giving of your time and talents without the intention of getting a “reward”  can result in good things happening for you.

5. Don’t take a risk.    Risk is necessary for growth.   Learn from taking a chance, learn from trying something new.

6. Focus on the past.    By looking back to the past and only thinking about what was is a good way to stay in the past.   Put effort into “Now” and plan for the future.   In fact think about where you want to be in 20 years.

 Here’s some thoughts from a recent TEDx talk.   How are you living?

challenge – what is yours?

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
― Paulo Coelho

Write a response to this question …

What is your greatest challenge?

being alone with ADHD

“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”  Voltaire

There seems to be a theme that runs through the lives of those with ADHD and that is a loss of self-esteem.    Over time people with ADHD start losing their ability to believe in themselves and that leads to a sense of being alone and loneliness.

Perhaps it starts in the first days of the education process.   A child with ADHD  (even if they don’t know it at the time) will over time be labeled as different either by the teacher or by their peers.    For a child the small differences, a little less acceptance and pretty soon a distance is created, a gap, few friends and a shrinking view of self.   Some children with ADHD experience higher amounts of bullying and spend more time in isolation.

The story doesn’t stop at the end of grade school or college, it follows the person with ADHD around.   For many it is a story of not being good enough and continually having to prove oneself.   It may be more difficult for some people with ADHD to make friends, lasting relationships and strong relationships because of the stigma that they carry.

If you have ADHD what have you noticed about friendships, isolation and loneliness?   What has your life been like?

If you are experiencing loneliness due to ADHD then one of the recommendations is joining or creating a support group.  You are not alone if you have ADHD and don’t feel connected.

What do you do to increase the size of your circle of friends?

Frustration … dealing with ADHD

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.”  T.F. Hodge

People with ADHD often find that everyday challenges  leave them very frustrated.     “It should be easy” is what they hear and after spending more time than most a person with ADHD can easily find themselves still at the starting line.   It isn’t just a one-time event it seems that everything takes longer, even simple things and that leads to frustration.    Frustration leads to anger and for some it leads into depression.

How does someone with ADHD transform the negative experience of delayed success into something that doesn’t lead to frustration?    In your mind you may be thinking this should only take a few minutes to do and then an hour passes by and the desired outcome isn’t close to being realized.     When you were thinking about the result how much time did you think the task would take?   What are the steps you have to take to achieve the result you want?    For each of those steps how long does it take an expert to complete those tasks and how long does it take a novice to complete those tasks?    How many times have you completed those same tasks?

What leads to frustration is an unrealistic expectation on how long it will take to get something done.   For someone with ADHD executive memory function isn’t what it is for most people and it means adjusting the time it takes to complete a task until it becomes routine.    Repetition of the same task or similar task is going to result in improved outcomes.   Over time there will be improvements in how long it takes to accomplish the same time of work.

Here is a simple five step process to reduce frustration:

1. Identify – Is this something you have done before or is it something new.

2. Analyze – what needs to take place to get the right result.   Break it down.  Do I understand clearly what it is that I need to do.

3. Plan – create a step by step plan, an outline and estimate the time it will take to do each step.   How close is the plan you have now to what you thought it would be.

4. Execute – go do it.  Often people with ADHD wait, and then wait some more waiting for the energy level to increase so that something happens.   Take action, get a result.

5.  Reflect – what worked, what needs to be adjusted, what can success can you celebrate?

Frustration occurs when the expected outcome for any task or activity exceeds what you believe should be true.    The gap between what actually happened and your version of the truth leads to thoughts of failure.    Thoughts of failure amplify the internal messaging that are negative.   “I am not good enough”, and repeated often subconsciously or consciously leads to a build up of negative hormones (adrenaline and cortisol) and those are toxins that the body has to process.    The body wants to run away from the threat but when there isn’t something to run away from  that energy has to dissipate in some fashion and it turns into frustration and anger.

Dr. Orloff suggests practicing in dealing with frustration through being patient:

Would that be something you’d be willing to try? What do you think would happen?

creativity … right brain thinking

“True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.” — Eckhart Tolle

Where do your best ideas come from?

Are you able to use your creative talents daily?    When do you use your creativity?

Creativity leads to innovation if action is taken and that is what thwarts many creative people, the inability to take action.    Having great ideas works when something becomes of them.   Perhaps you have tons of great ideas and they are carefully written in a book, the ideas are there but they aren’t going anywhere.  What would it take to take the best ideas and take action on them?

If you are thinking, “I’m not a creative thinker” then try to different approaches to solving problems.   For example Daniel Pink suggests that you give the problem to someone else to solve.   Gretchen Rubin the author of the “Happiness Project” has these suggestions to generate new ideas.

Some people just draw pictures and link those pictures to a central theme, or do what is popularly called “Mind Mapping“.    There are other brain storming methods that can be used to generate new ideas, ideas that can improve your life.    Visiting a book store can be a good way to look at things in a new way, new ideas and new thoughts can lead to your innovative spirit coming to life.

Some ideas to cultivate creative thoughts:

1. Invite some friends over for a creativity party.

2. Take a walk

3. Journal – and then reflect on what you wrote

4. Solve a problem for someone else

5. Play with some children .. let them solve a problem for you.

6. Take something apart blindfolded

7. Read a book you normally wouldn’t read

The idea is to shift you out of your comfort zone, your normal zone of thinking, so that you exercise a part of the brain you don’t normally use.   Flip things upside down, tackle the idea from a different point of view and see what happens.    Change the rules to a game, like Monopoly or Scrabble, what can you come up with?

Elizabeth Gilbert the author of “Eat, Pray, Love” talks about the creativity challenge …

What are your creativity challenges? What would spark a new idea? What would cause you to leap to action?