go beyond your comfort zone …

“Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades bumps and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested And have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect nothing is and no one is — and that’s OK.”
― Katie Couric

Are you ready to break the chains of complacency?   Are you ready to start a new year in a new way to get new results that will lift your life higher than it has been in the past?   Are you ready to make this new year a better year for you?

Get ready to think about ways to change your life.  Take a look at this video.

Make this the day you start your life over with a focus on what you want.

how do you deceive yourself

“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
― Jane Austen

What do you believe about yourself?   What is your real truth?   Below is a video about people who describe themselves in one way and others describe that same person in another.   How we think of ourselves matters.

How we see ourselves impacts our ability to be our best.    Our best may be exaggerated a bit, more positive or more handsome or beautiful.   We want to believe we are somewhat better than we really are because it pushes us in some way to be that person.   If we believe we are more negative than we really are we don’t believe we can do the things we could otherwise.

We deceive ourselves for a number of reasons.  If we believe in that deception does it help us live a better life?

What do you think of yourself?   Who do you think you really are?   Are you the person you want to be?   Are you the person that others see?   What is your answer?

 

Yell them out …

“If you’re trying to be miserable, it’s important you don’t have any goals. No school goals, personal goals, family goals. Your only objective each day should be to inhale and exhale for sixteen hours before you go to bed again. Don’t read anything informative, don’t listen to anything useful, don’t do anything productive. If you start achieving goals, you might start to feel a sense of excitement, then you might want to set another goal, and then your miserable mornings are through. To maintain your misery, the idea of crossing off your goals should never cross your mind.”
― John Bytheway

A New Year is coming.   It is goal setting time.   Not like last years goals which you kept quietly to yourself, but goals that you will share with others.   I want you to write down your biggest goal for 2013 and share it right here.   If you want to reach that goal someone has to know about it.   Make it big, make it bold and share it.

Keeping it a secret will be that the goal is likely to live to the end of January and you’ll save it for next year.

Thinking about losing weight … how much weight?  Not the initial number of pounds but the real number of pounds you want to lose.    Then write down “why” you want to lose that weight (you can keep that a secret if you want to).

Thinking about doing something courageous then shout it out, write it down and put a comment into the blog.   Share it!   Make it happen.   You’re doing it for you.  You’re doing it because you’ve waited long enough.   Be bold, be brave and share it.

Have you ever thought of running a marathon?   Maybe you’ve had this goal for years and you think about it and then don’t do it.   Make this the year you do it.

Some people don’t have goals because they feel that they will fail and they don’t want to share with someone something they might not do and it there would be a feeling of shame if they shared the goal.   Make this the year you decide to make the change.

Maybe it’s time to change something about work.   You’re really not happy where you are but you need the job.   Set a goal and find work you can love.  Make it happen.

Perhaps you want to take a class and you’re afraid that you might not fit in.    Then take an on-line class at Coursera (high level schools with high level classes).

Whatever it is, life and happiness surface when you have real goals and a desire to make those goals come true.   Isn’t it time?   Isn’t it time that you make this year the year you make some real changes.   Tell us!   Shout it out!

Do it now!

What’s my goal?   It is to write a book on managing ADHD and have it completed before Dec 2013.

What’s your goal?

bye

“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.”
― Marvin J. Ashton

The door is closing on 2012 and opening for 2013 and it’s time to say bye.   Make  this next year your Best Year Ever (bye).   Take the time to set some meaningful goals for “you”, and not just set them out there on a table to shine in the light but do something with the goals.    Don’t let your dreams wither on the vine of life, go out and make life happen for you.   It is easy to get caught up in the web of daily life and forget about the things that will add meaning and vitality to your life, so make a choice to DO rather than watch things go by.

Say bye to complacency.

Say bye to laziness.

Say bye to checking-out.

Say bye to watching TV.

Say bye to gossip.

Say bye to lethargy.

Say hello to health.

Say hello to dreams.

Say hello to action.

Say hello to inspiration.

Say hello to creativity.

Say hello to goals.

Make this your B.Y.E … Best Year Ever.   It is what you want isn’t it?

Take a look at this short video clip…it will tell you how to have your best year ever.

will power do you have any?

“I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.”
― Pietro Aretino

What do you have power over?

Do you have power over yourself?

You may be in a position to tell others what to do and how to do it.    You can will your power over others and have them take action and at the same time you have no control over your own emotions, thoughts and actions.   You may lack the will power to change your own story.

Think about it.   What goals have you set for yourself that lapsed into decay only a few weeks after you started your grand pursuit.   When was the last time you refused an offer for that second helping?    When was the last time you turned

down that extra cup of coffee?   Did you start to exercise more after your doctor told you that it would be of great benefit to you?  When did you stop smoking?  When did you stop drinking?  When did you stop your destructive behaviors?

Willpower, the ability to turn back desire.   Do you have any?

We play to the power of dopamine, the feel good drug that is produced in the brain.   There is a pull between two powerful hormones, dopamine and adrenaline.   Adrenaline is our hormone that causes us to run from danger and dopamine is what is produced when pleasure is experienced.

If we do something that is challenging our systems our bodies produce stress hormones.  If we do something we like we produce “happiness” hormones.  If we want to change there is a likelihood that it will create stress and that resistance is enough to stop us from making the desired changes.   In other words we produce negative hormones when we anticipate change.

As long as the stress of change exceeds the perceived value of the change we will resist making a change.   If we can integrate into our thinking self-compassion into our lives we can change how our bodies react to stress.   Self-compassion allows us to increase the production of “happiness” hormones.   It takes some work to develop strategies to move our towards self-compassion.

Willpower can be increased by practicing self-compassion.   With greater willpower there is a chance to create new supportive habits.   New supportive habits will increase dopamine levels in your brain  which will  increase your happiness.

Opportunity

“What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.”  Oprah Winfrey

What do you think of when you see or hear the word opportunity?    Opportunity for you.   What feelings are generated when you hear that word?

Opportunity is a word that generally elevates optimism and produces a sense of anticipatory positive outcomes.   Opportunity for something better to happen in the near future.   For some people it is like buying a lottery ticket with the hope that they will win the big prize and all their troubles will be over.

What opportunities are you seeking?   What do you hope those opportunities will do for you?

Opportunity is all around us if we take the time to look.   First we have to look within and find out what it is that will satisfy us and then look for opportunities that will accomplish that goal.   For some people their career is virtually meaningless.   Sure there is a paycheck but there is no meaning to the work they do and they stay there because of one thing a paycheck.    There are many opportunities to do something that is meaningful and still have a paycheck.

How do you get more opportunity in  your life?

1. Keep learning

2. Manage your emotions well

3. Listen more – talk less

4. Experiment – try new things (everywhere – choose something different from the menu of life).

5. Know your strengths

What can you today to create more opportunity in your life?

Joy – The responsibility equation

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”   Albert Ellis

Joy, what is it?

Is joy happiness?   Is joy the sustained sense of well-being that we experience when our needs are met and some of our wants are met?   Is joy a sense of contentment in the midst of all of life’s circumstances?

Some people would say that joy has no definition, it is a state of mind that defies description.   It is a feeling that is different for every person.    Let’s look at an example, two stewardesses on a plane with basically the same job, the same pay, the same circumstances and yet one is happy and the other is grumpy.    The conditions on the plane are the same for both stewardesses, yet one is happy and the other isn’t.   What is the difference?

Where does joy come from?    Does joy come from things outside of you?    Joy seems to be manufactured by the interpretation of the situation you  see yourself in right now.   If you find yourself being anxious, upset, worried, fretting, angry, or depressed about how things are in your life there will be little space for joy.   If you find yourself at peace with what you have and where you are in life right now then you’ll probably sense some joy and happiness.

The difference it seems between feeling joy and not having joy is about taking responsibility for joy.   If you take 100% responsibility for your life then you will start experiencing more joy in your life.   Responsibility means that you are doing all that you can to create the outcomes you want in life for you.   It means that you are giving more, you are more concerned with others than yourself.  It means that you give with the expectation of getting nothing in return.

For many people getting more stuff provides some level of increased happiness yet that only lasts a short amount of time.   Hedonic adaptation takes over and that new car, new home, new bike, new clothes, or new something only has a short impact on happiness.      So while new things provide momentary happiness that happiness dissolves within a relatively short amount of time and as a result there is an increased sense of dissatisfaction which increases the pressure to get a happiness fix.

The responsibility equation replaces those momentary happiness fixes with a sense of long-lasting joy.   That is taking 100% responsibility for all things, giving more and doing more.   Think about it, what would living the 100/0 equation do for you?

Take a look:

triangle

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. ”
Denis Waitley

“Learn from the past” …. wisdom

“detailed goals for the future” … intention

“live in the moment” … action

Use the past to learn, understand and grow.  Let the past be the soil for growth.   Use the future to dream, to  hope,  to plan and to aspire to.   Let the future be the energy for success.   Use the present to gain strength, confidence and a sure footing.   Let the present be the moment you act.

So often the past is only filled with regret and anger.   Take a few minutes and listen to the words others speak.   What are they really saying?   What are you hearing, listen closely and don’t speak, just listen.    What do you hear?   “If I”, “I could have …”, “I should have …. “, “I would have …”, those are the words of dreams that were put in a box and never allowed to live.    The words “if”, “could”, “should”, “would” leave a person powerless to change the present to live in a better future.

The future is filled with hope, with dreams and with desire.   The future is also filled with unkempt promises and commitment.    The future is a place called “tomorrow” and while it holds the dreams of every man it also holds captive the action required to make those dreams alive.

Now, this very moment,  is a time for action.   It is a place where dreams unfold and color takes the place of black and white.   It is a place where magic can happen if action is taken.   Now is a point in time where dreams unfold and become real.    The present is a time of movement, a time of choice, and a time of responsibility, it is a place where a person isn’t held captive.

What are you doing now to pursue your dreams and goals?   If you are holding on to the pain of the past you aren’t growing.   If you are tied to the  hope of the future you aren’t moving.     Only in the present can we adjust the sails of the ship.  Only in the present can we experience the wind in our face.  Only in the present can we take steps to live the life we want to live.

What are you doing right now, right now, to live the life you desire to live?   What choices are you making that will allow you to live that life you hold captive in your dreams?    What is stopping you if you aren’t taking the steps that lead you closer to living a full life?

on this fateful day …

The day the world changed.

It was a moment in time when people’s hearts started beating differently.  It was a moment in time when your world shifted.

It might have been a moment when it crystallized in your thoughts how fragile life is.   What changed in you?   What new realizations did you have?  What new actions were you going to take?

Sometimes people change the direction of their lives when tragedy strikes, for others it is a blip in the trajectory of their existence.   For some people it meant ensuring that those closest to them knew that they mattered.  It may have been a time to ask forgiveness or share their true feelings or to recommit to a relationship that had gone sour.   What changed for you?

What moves you to take action?  Does it take a massive and violent attack on your way of life or do you see what is best for you and then take action?

Everyone experiences some type of 9/11 experience in their life.  Some use that experience as a wake up call, a time to start taking action.  For others it means withdrawal and moving backwards and becoming a victim of the event rather than making a choice to take action.   Fear drives withdrawal, opportunity causes action.   What do you do when faced with great challenges?

Take this chance to evaluate where you are today:

Use a scale of 1-10, 1 = Not at all, 10 = Very much so

1. My life is close to my ideal

2. The conditions in my life are very satisfying

3. I am satisfied with my life

4. I have most of what I want out of life

5. I have no regrets about my life so far

Add up the score.

My life is very good – ( 40 or above)

My life has opportunities –  (30 – 39)

My life could use improvement  (20 – 29)

My life needs a lot of work   (  less than 20)

Make today the day you start working on your life.   Don’t wait for something tragic to motivate you.

 

 

 

 

be resilient

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

Many people feel like they are at the end of their rope.     Life has dealt them a hard blow and they have fallen from their perch that once was high and lofty.  Not long ago a business person thought that the best path to the future was getting out of the business he had been in for over 30 years.   The business was no longer satisfying, the hours were long and the work was hard.    Finding people to work in the business wasn’t easy either, turn-over was high and the work was hard.    His choice to quit, to give it up and turn to something else.  Even though the business was working,  the heart to keep the business running wasn’t.    So, what do you do?

After a long, long time at one occupation, one career, one way of work it takes a lot of energy to change and start doing something else.   It takes resilience, the same properties as a rubber ball, to bounce back and find meaning and passion in life again.

Resilience is an important property to have.   Resilience is the ability to recover from defeat and come back again.   There are many, many stories of people who started a business and did everything they could to keep it going and it still didn’t  survive.    Sometimes people are able to make a comfortable living doing something and then the whole market changes leaving them with one choice, to close the doors.   It takes resilience to come back from small defeats and the even larger defeats.

Most people have experienced some type of event that took the air right out of them.   There are people who have had major medical issues and had to fight back for years to regain their strength.   There are people who are still looking for a good job and are finding that there aren’t any that fit who they are.   It takes resilience to reinvent oneself.

Confucius spoke encouraging words when he said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”   Resilience is the positive force that allows one to spring back, to have the ability to grow and to build and to succeed where you haven’t succeeded before.

No defeat is ever final unless you let it be.   Bounce back and move to a height higher than you were before you felt the pressure to change.  Be resilient.