how do you know?

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
― C. JoyBell C.

How do you know if you are living your life in the best way possible?   Have you spent time evaluating your own progress through life or are you just going with the flow?

Have you thought about your life plan (if you have one)?

What do you think your purpose is?   Your purpose for work, life, relationships, personal growth, finances, health/fitness, relationships and spiritual perspective, have you defined what you want to be doing in those domains.

I think it is important to focus on those core life elements and strengthen them.   It helps create a greater sense of peace in your life so that you aren’t just existing, but existing with purpose.  With a well defined purpose you have a starting point from which to define goals that enable you to realize your purpose.

What are  your major goals that you want to achieve?

What is stopping you from setting new more powerful and exciting goals for your life?  When do you think you’ll take that step to define your future in a way that aligns with your purpose?

 

 

Joy – The responsibility equation

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”   Albert Ellis

Joy, what is it?

Is joy happiness?   Is joy the sustained sense of well-being that we experience when our needs are met and some of our wants are met?   Is joy a sense of contentment in the midst of all of life’s circumstances?

Some people would say that joy has no definition, it is a state of mind that defies description.   It is a feeling that is different for every person.    Let’s look at an example, two stewardesses on a plane with basically the same job, the same pay, the same circumstances and yet one is happy and the other is grumpy.    The conditions on the plane are the same for both stewardesses, yet one is happy and the other isn’t.   What is the difference?

Where does joy come from?    Does joy come from things outside of you?    Joy seems to be manufactured by the interpretation of the situation you  see yourself in right now.   If you find yourself being anxious, upset, worried, fretting, angry, or depressed about how things are in your life there will be little space for joy.   If you find yourself at peace with what you have and where you are in life right now then you’ll probably sense some joy and happiness.

The difference it seems between feeling joy and not having joy is about taking responsibility for joy.   If you take 100% responsibility for your life then you will start experiencing more joy in your life.   Responsibility means that you are doing all that you can to create the outcomes you want in life for you.   It means that you are giving more, you are more concerned with others than yourself.  It means that you give with the expectation of getting nothing in return.

For many people getting more stuff provides some level of increased happiness yet that only lasts a short amount of time.   Hedonic adaptation takes over and that new car, new home, new bike, new clothes, or new something only has a short impact on happiness.      So while new things provide momentary happiness that happiness dissolves within a relatively short amount of time and as a result there is an increased sense of dissatisfaction which increases the pressure to get a happiness fix.

The responsibility equation replaces those momentary happiness fixes with a sense of long-lasting joy.   That is taking 100% responsibility for all things, giving more and doing more.   Think about it, what would living the 100/0 equation do for you?

Take a look:

10 things … for a better you

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. ” Theodore Roosevelt

 

There are a lot of unhappy people in America today.   Worker satisfaction is at a low point with large numbers of people thinking about looking for something else to do.    Job satisfaction is a very important criteria for overall personal well-being and happiness.

1. Find work that is in alignment with your strengths and personality.

2. Have regular authentic and genuine conversations with your manager/supervisor/leader.    (Sometimes this won’t be possible, so ensure you have a trusted person you can speak to in your organization).   People leave organizations where they supervisor is supportive of you.

3. Be authentic.  Why be a fake, be the genuine you even thought you might believe it is difficult.   Being authentic means that you are being honest with yourself and your abilities.   Accept who you are and find what works for you.

3. Be transparent.   Transparency in life means being able to express “who” you are without putting on a mask.   People can see that you are the real deal, not a fake, that you are sincere and are able to do what you say.   Being transparent will allow you to experience less stress in your life.

4. Eat well.   Everyone has stress and some people have a lot of stress.  Find healthy foods and eat more of them.   Diets filled with poor quality calories are leading people to eating more than they need and that leads to poor health in many people.    Good health is less expensive than poor health.    Save money by eating right and losing weight.  

5. Exercise often.   Exercise was part of life not long ago.  Today more and more people spend their day sitting.    Lack of exercise reduces overall strength and health.   Exercise consumes some of the stress hormones the body produces.   Exercise also help people sleep better at night.  

6.  Get enough rest.  People are cramming more and more into each day and cutting back on sleep.   The lack of adequate rest can lower your individual stress threshold making you more vulnerable to stressful events that occur in each day.  

7. Be grateful.   Look around at what is going right in your life.  Notice a sunset and sunrise.   Just take a deep breath and relax in the moment.  Find peace.  Is there a roof over your head, food to eat and clothes to wear.   Sometimes just the basics are overlooked.  

8.  Be thankful.   Thank someone today.   Find a reason to give thanks.   Find someone to thank each day.

9.  Find a reason to smile.   Now if you really can’t find a reason to smile, smile at someone else.  Just smile for the fun of it and see what happens.   Smile to enlighten someone else.   Maybe a smile will cause a giggle to burst out or a laugh.  What is so funny when you smile about nothing at all?

10. Take time out for you.   Find a time, 10 minutes, 15 minutes and just stop doing and start doing nothing.   Just reflect and sit back and relax.   Do this alone, and do it quietly.   Do it each day, form a new habit for yourself.  Quiet the mind for you.

 

“Happiness consists more in small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life.”
Benjamin Franklin

dancin’ in the rain

Take a look – what can the power of gratitude do for you?

Dance in the rain!

Dance to your dreams!

Dance to your aspirations!

Dance to your creative spirit!

Dance to a new idea!

Dance for happiness!

Dance today!

 

“Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain!”

 

my inner life is …

“the man who has no inner life is the slave to his surroundings”
Henri Frederic Amiel

What does your inner life look like?

Peace

Joy

Happiness

Contentment

Serenity

Synchronicity

Convergence

Filled

 

What words describe what your deepest feelings are?   Does anything on the list above strike a chord with you?

Reflect

“Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.”  Einstein

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.”  Lao Tzu

Take a moment and reflect on this past week.

What did you learn?

Did you thank someone?

Did you find joy in your week?

Did you find peace in your week?

Write down the high points from the past week?   Can you repeat them?

Take a deep breath – exhale – relax and refresh your mind.

Finding meaning in joy and suffering

I don’t know how many people find meaning in suffering but it might just be that in suffering you discover more about yourself than you do when you are in a state of joy.   The questions are asked more often in suffering.  Questions of why – why me – why?  Perhaps that is the wrong question to ask.  When there is suffering the goal is to make it go away and that it does go away and in most cases it will.

When we experience joy more often than not we know it will subside overtime and go away.   It is unlikely that the question is asked how can I keep joy going when we are in a state of joy.   It seems as if we accept joy for what it is when it is present.

Business leaders try to examine the success of others so that they can apply that knowledge to their line of work in order to increase their chance of success or to increase their current success.  Now what would happen if individuals focused on improving their lives, their joy and their success, what do you think would happen?

Constant incremental improvement – constantly improve the joy in your life by focusing on what makes you filled with joy.

Try it!   Spend a few minutes each day and write down the things that were good – joyful.   Even if it is just one thing write it down and the next day try to find two things that were joyful.  You may have to work on making joy enter your life – try it!

In suffering try to find joy and it may mean helping someone else find joy.

I am

Get on board! Get on Board!

Get on board!  Get on board!

 

Get on board!  Get on board the train that no one wants to ride on ,

Get on board the train to joy,

Get on board the train to happiness,

Get on board the train to peace,

Get on board the train to freedom,

Get on board the train to beauty,

Get on board the train to truth,

Get on board the train to love,

Get on board the train to life,

Get on board, Get on board, the ticket is free, get on board.

All you have to do is leave behind,

Fear,

Hate,

Greed,

Injustice,

Anger,

Malice,

Destruction,

Cowardice,

Death!

Get on board! Get on board!  The ticket has been paid for.  Get on board!

What are you waiting for?

coaching is for …. most people

Who is coaching for?

It is for people who want to become better at who they are on an accelerated track.  It is not unusual for people who have a coach to have a quantum leap in personal happiness.  This happiness may be driven by achieving more significance in their lives whether it is at home, at work or in the community.

In general most well adjusted people will benefit from having a coach.  There are some though that a coach should not apply their method of Socratic inquiry.  There are some who would benefit from therapy.  Sometimes the trials of life create disappointment and perhaps even period of depression which is beyond the skills, training and expertise of a coach.  There are times when a coach should recommend that a client seek out professional treatment.

For many people the results of their experiences will be in many respects mostly positive.  Life will be good, not great but good.   For a few very motivated people they might even rise to the level that someone who is coached would attain but that would be a rare occurrence.

Often we don’t know what would generate a quantum leap in personal performance.  We might be missing the questions, the discipline or the accountability to go it alone and to find what truly makes us happy.

Looking at the chart we can see time moving along the horizontal axis and as we reach the zenith of our careers, family or community life we should be at some elevation that is higher than it was when we first embarked on our journeys.   As our story unfolds we should see things steadily improve as we gain in wisdom in knowledge.  

There are some factors that interrupt our journeys and those could be illness, job loss, family crisis or other significant life events that cause our path to deviate from its planned destination.  There are those who can help people navigate the crisis which helps people with significant interruptions in their journey to reengage with life.  

If there is a desire to fully experience life then think about getting a coach to help you realize your goals.

Karen Lamb said, “A year from now you may wish you had started today.”